A Crepey Advent-ure

[MontserratCaballe]

Over here, my darlings....

Gareth Malone has made my cry again, or more specifically the fantastic singer of semitoned.

I don't think anyone has accused you of being a naive, workshy idiot with a special snowflake. But what we are saying is that, if a "portfolio career" (which sounds perfect in principle) isn't working/delivering the salary you want, then you need to look at working full time and using some sort of reliable childcare, as "fitting around DS" clearly isn't working. Would your DP's job be more flexible, and fit around collecting/dropping DS work instead?

This makes me realise how lucky I was landing my current job - the MD was totally prepared to work around my parenting commitments. It's one of the reasons why I'm still there, nine years on. My company is also flexible about working from home, but there's no way I could have done this when the DCs were young - I agree with MrsS it's bordering on unprofessional. I do feel for you, Herbs - you are trying incredibly hard to find the right role, and I certainly couldn't have found the motivation to bag all those interviews.

By the way, I don't get all this Cord Love. Cords to me mean crumpled baggy knees, saggy bums and shiny patches. Geography teacher trousers. DH had a ghastly khaki pair that I quietly relocated into the charity bag when he wasn't looking. I don't think I've had a pair since the late 70s.

Rose - great news about the braces coming off - such a transformation, isn't it? DD2 finally lost hers just before the US holiday and couldn't stop looking at herself in the mirror.

DS is at work again (BTM, he's a Runner at the NHS 111 office), so I'm keeping an eye on the clock as he needs collecting at 11pm. He has now told me he is down to work from 7am - 12pm on Christmas Day. We are due in Colchester for lunch, so I'm hoping it's a late one....

Herbs, that wasn't the thrust of my post at a ll. I was concerned that you needs dd's understanding and support (financial and otherwise). You are fab and have done masses re retraining and applying for things etc. I do completely realise that. XXX

Herbs, nobody was calling you a workshy idiot. Of course not. I do think childcare is paramount, but take your point that you are happy to put that in place; I also know I, personally, like to keep work and the rest of my life in quite discrete silos (with occasions like this month when that is not possible). I also think this is a most dreadful time for a portfolio career for all of us - speaking as someone who is supposed to have one.

And I can't talk to DP about money. Really can't. He just shouts.

DP doesn't shout. Just looks pained. Particularly in the direction of the dirty kitchen floor, or other chore I should be doing while I'm at home. Though this could be my imagination.

I'm afraid I did rather read many of mrs S's comments as implying I was expecting work to work around me, rather than the other way round, and that I didn't understand how the world of work works. And I'm after an unrealistic moon on a stick. Which may of course be true.

If just 30% of the work promised to me came off, my portfolio would be bulging. It's hard to know when to give up, as it all could be just around the corner. Eg, awaiting news of editing gig and workshops in school...

DP has just got in from work. I feel now might not be the time to mention the parking fine.

In precocious child news, I spent dinner time discussing with DS the difference/ similarities between subordinating conjunctions and conjunctive adverbs, and whether the latter need to be preceded by a semi colon. He insisted they did. He was right.

Herbs - take a look at a website called Local Treasures. Not sure quite where you are, but worth a Google. It may help - short term.

Top tips lalsy and cocoa. Ta!

Herbs, all that I - and others (although they may not have been as blunt as me) were saying is that if the portfolio career isn't working, or isn't delivering the salary you were hoping for, or need, you may have to look at eg full time teaching and use organised childcare, rather than "fitting around DS." Can you not apply for both sorts of jobs at the same time? Can your DP not build more flexibility into his own schedule so that he does more of the drop offs/pick ups, particularly if you go full time?

I do think that relationships would be much easier if money and sex were taken off the agenda.

There's precious little either money or sex in these parts!

I am looking at full-time teaching roles. The problem being I'm not qualified to teach properly in primary schools (unless academies) and don't want to teach in secondaries as they're full of teenagers. TA jobs pay £18K. High level TA jobs are rarer than hens' teeth, and I haven't got the jobs I've applied for. Going full time in FE would mean in practice working 80 hours a week for peanuts. Hence part-time teaching.

With childcare I can drop DS at 8 and pick him up at 6, which hardly seems too restrictive to employers. DP can do some, I dare say, if pressed, but it adds an hour to his commute. But yes. Not insurmountable.

Going full time is more of an option in my mind now since I applied for that editorship. But it has to be the right job. Whatever the hell that is...

Anyway. Enough robust debate for one evening. And enough of me. Again.

Herbs, here's a taste of genteel recorder playing to console & encourage you.

And btw I kwym about making the most of time with DS. I felt the same & now we're in personal statement territory (you will not believe how quickly that happens) I'm glad I made the choices I did. In fact 'glad' isn't even close.

A recorder virago tackled me at the w/e about why I'm not going to Summer School. I said DD has A levels, I want to be available to run up & down stairs with bacon sandwiches etc. She said 'why, hasn't she got a mother?' Still stings a bit.

Lalsy, I was under-cover in plain clothes. Would have blended in better in cheesecloth skirt with crochet jumper but I will say this for the recorder players, not one person commented aloud on anyone's clothes, for good or ill 😀

I will say one thing - I have enormous respect for the self-employed amongst you, who have to chase every job and manage your own time. You demonstrate impressive levels of motivation and self-discipline, something I could never muster!

Herbs I think you are bloody amazing - as CV said I don't know how those of you freelancing do it. My comments really were about dp. You are in it together and there needs to be more support - and believe me I do know how it feels (thinks back 6 years or so....). Dp and I had/have a patchwork of childcare arrangements - obs easier now he's a spotty teen - but at times it was fraught and required those 'who can drop everything' conversations (usually dp)

Auriga, wtf did she mean?

I am being a crap and inattentive mother at the moment, dashing out to interview all sorts and working late. Had a phone chat about some potential lecturing last night and suspect I blew it...

What CV said. In spades! And Herbs, you have applied for and gone for interviews at so many jobs - definitely not taking the P.

Herbs, could you set yourself a deadline - if you haven't got any/enough freelance/part-time stuff by then, you will continue to apply for them but also apply for full-time?
And if you feel you are letting yourself down at the interview stage somehow, could you get some advice on that? Not that I am saying you are, just wondering if that might be an issue.
Hope your DP was OK about the fine/you didn't tell him!

Auriga, was she implying you were the granny? What a cow

BTM, that's my guess, though I don't know why I should care

Auriga {{}} sometimes people are just very stupid.
Hope you are over the mighty sine (nasty nasty things)

Auriga, that didn't even occur to me.

Are teenagers just too awful to contemplate. herbs? I quite like the buggers infesting my own dear home but then I've only ever had to teach them at an age when education is optional.

Auriga. That's awful. And yes re glad - it was right for our family too, from the options available (and everyone's are different).

Herbs, do you have a figure in your mind of what you need to earn (minimum - financially and for your peace of mind)?

And now, having Ladyjogged, I must try and chase recalcitrant interviewees, write a feature and invoice for remarkably little money. And pay into the joint account.

What brilliant upbeat way to start the morning, Auriga...I love Klezmer fusion music. However that comment was quite horrible and completely out of order, whoever she felt you were, and needed the evil eye, I suspect, which I hope you gave her.

CV I can't believe how different DD looks without the brace...and it's a great result. Originally, the orthodontist though they'd improve things but not achieve perfect outcome as DD's malocclusion was so marked.

Sooooo....let's all be kind to one another today. Eh Crepeys....

I should also add, I think, that my own work/parenting dilemma has always been severely skewed by acute awareness that my kids are better off being looked after by probably anyone else on the planet. I am not good at parenting and even when I feel vv guilty about this don't seem able to improve.