Crepeys who try not to look like creepy clowns....

[BeachysSandyFlipFlops]

Would that be OK?

Must try to avoid a thread switch on a Friday night

Mrs S, I don't think my ds will be any competition for a while! Sorry work is so rubbish. I am sure that doing 3 people's job in the time of one is making it nigh on impossible to get everything done properly and on time. Is there any light on the work horizon? I do hope so.

Oh Stropps.

Glad your boy is doing well, Rudy.

Herbs, my nephews went to the most fabulous primary in Newcastle but I think their secondary, while perfectly adequate, isn't amazing. It is a lovely place, though. You can do a degree in folk music at the university, or indeed be taught by other friends of mine.and there is masses of Culture, much of it orchestrated by my SIL. My problem would be the cold.

Oh Crem!

Crem, am sorry about dpuss. Take care. x

MrsS, I don't think they will, necessarily, given her age. IME anyway.

Stropps, yes it is so sad. But keep talking to us. Has anything got her back on her meds before?

Crem - so sorry, it's so tough & one feels guilty for feeling so devastated about a cat - don't. Crem cat was probably the nicest/finest/loveliest member of your family.

Stropps - just sending you my love - one day al this will seem like a long ago bad dream.

I can see us crepeys sticking together in our old age and visiting each other

I reckon we should all cash our chips in & buy a lovely big house & all move there asap.

We have a nurse sister for our elderly ailments, don't we?

Bloody hell Stropps. Is it worth seeing what happens if you just drop the reins for, say, two weeks? Not long enough for everything to go utterly to shit, but long enough for her to wonder if you're coming back and 'have a word with herself'? Not that I know what I'm talking about, obvs.

And bloody hell Crem. Poor old puss. And poor old you. You need a good stroking and a purr.

Oh Crem, your poor little cat.

Strops - sorry things aren't going so well with DD. I guess it's just a waiting game.

Herbs - all very exciting this prospective move opp norf. I could happily live in Newcastle. I could not, however, live in London. I did live in Fulham for a couple of years, and in Merton Wimbledon for a few months, but always felt like an alien. I miss birdsong/trees/cows/knowing one's neighbours.

Lalsy - I spotted your bronze brogues as I was browsing Clarks this lunchtime, and tried them on. Too narrow for my feet, alas.

More tedious painting this evening. DD2 has decided she wants a "feature wall". In dark grey.

Oh Crem, I am so sorry about CremCat. :(

I have been awake since 2am, worrying about dd. I am not looking forward to work. Particularly one little client who is especially challenging and presses all my buttons. Not something I am quite equipped to deal with on no sleep. Also, the cross-country commute is hair-raising when I am constantly on the point of falling asleep.
I don't know how to disengage from dd. I mean, she's turned up twice on the doorstep late at night since the beginning of term. Do I stop ever answering the phone? Do we change the locks and have the police take her away? She has no intention of ever going near any psychiatrist or medication ever again; refuses to even hear the word counselling and says there is no point to anything. I'm afraid I have just sent her a string of Fb messages saying that I've tried my best and I'm out of ideas. And I can't fix her life. Have also asked her what it is she wants exactly. I can see that she is online. I don't think she is keeping any kind of normal hours.
My main worry is that she is going to end up like her dad. She seems completely nihilistic and devoid of any energy to actually achieve anything.

MrsS, I'm sorry your work is so shit. I don't know how you keep going.

If I could take sick leave, I'd be taking some now. As it is, I'm going to refer myself for counselling. Again.

Crem - I'm sorry about dpuss

Mrs S - you are having to do too much and they are shifting the goalposts. All the time. that much is clear for a start.

Stropps - I'm so sorry. As others have said it's hard to think of a solution that doesn't start with taking the meds. No useful advice but thinking of you.

Oh Stropps. I too wish I had some advice re Dd. Please keep the window open when driving and listen to a talking book, or talking radio at the very least. The breeze coupled with concentrating vaguely on a conversation will help you to stay awake and alert. Huge hugs

Oh God Stropps.

Surely there is some sort of parental advice line or some sort of support for parents in this situation. MI do you know of anything?

Cremo, condolences

Herbs, the cold and wet would do for me too. And being so far from all I know.

Cremo so sorry about cremcat

Stropps maybe Herbs is right.

MrsS well of your list I can confirm you are definitely not stupid or slow so I guess it's the three jobs and moving goalposts....

Monty sorry about DH.

BTM, Rudy and Beachy (where are you?) good luck with the boys. Ds is back - had a fab time but we are mid teenage angst....

Cremo so sorry about cremcat

Stropps maybe Herbs is right.

MrsS well of your list I can confirm you are definitely not stupid or slow so I guess it's the three jobs and moving goalposts....

Monty sorry about DH.

BTM, Rudy and Beachy (where are you?) good luck with the boys. Ds is back - had a fab time but we are mid teenage angst....

Oh fucknuts Stropps

Herbs - RENT For a year. Friend doing this. Knows Suffolk countryside not for her. Back in Lo don't in April, experiment over.

Crem that is very, very sad. So sorry. Were you with her...oh gosh not sure which is worse xxxx

Monty empathy, sympathy.... look after yourself. Bears with sore heads are horrible beasts.

about Crems cat...so sorry

Ah Stropps what a stress. I wonder if what Herbs says is worth a try? Its a bit of a tough love approach, I guess. Can you tip off the university pastoral services? That you've told DD you're not willing to even enter into a further conversation until she agrees to go back on treatment? I don't know...I feel unqualified to advise, but send support and love.

Tilly how is DS this morning?

Stupid? Slow? No way MrsS I think the problem is you're actually way ahead of those surrounding you.....

Looking towards a day trying to fit private clients around DD's absolutely mad schedule (the closer it gets to the Xmas show the crazier it gets and now she's volunteered back stage for a second rota....)...and she hasn't made her lunch....again.

Rose She's going to be hungry

Stropps, for what it's worth I think your facebook messages are right - you can't just 'fix it' and don't have the answers so the solution is going to have to start with her. If it were me (and apologies there is obviously a long backstory) I would stick with letting her know I'm there for her and will support her in what she asks of me to the extent I can. But the impetus and ideas have to be hers now. Obviously I've no experience or knowledge so completely ignore me if I'm talking bollocks. But it is what a friend is doing with her younger brother in a similarish situation and so far he is coping.

And sympathy to Crem - my parents recently lost their two cats and have been hit hard by it, even though the cats were old and ill and the outcome no surprise. Look after yourself.

Stropps, I agree, I don't know what disengaging would mean. She is howling with distress and making contact with you. I don't know what you can do until she agrees to take her meds and get help, apart from what you are doing - and maybe that will sink in as it has done before. I hope today goes OK and good advice re driving.

MrsS, all sounds pants. What is it with these people? Do they take one look at you and think aha, a clever, skilled and experienced person with good judgement - we'd better not let her get anywhere?

Uh, there are no "reins". Dd contacts me; I don't contact her for the most part (she never answers the phone to me on principle). I don't pay for anything now and I have no control whatsoever. She's an adult. University pastoral services can do nothing unless she contacts them, ditto Gp.

Would you be prepared to put your adult child with known but currently untreated MH probs out on the street? That is what it may come to. Ultimatums about going to the doctor are ignored/lied about.

Crem - so sorry about Cremcat - I feared the worst as you hadn't posted. Sending love and hugs.

Stropps - again, sending love and hugs. Impossible to help people who won't help themselves.

Mrs S - I wonder if there's some truth in what Lalsy's saying - maybe they think you're good so they dump literally everything on you and then they can blame you when it all goes pear shaped.

Stropps I have no answer to your question, but equally do you all have to go down?

Stropps, if I could suggest or do anything helpful I would.

Herbs, brilliant advice from WAF re renting.

MrsS, tell them ALL to sod off.

I am in GP's waiting room about to check my immunisation status for Forrin. Dd2 is off poorly again. Don't think it's GP-worthy but I do wish she could shake off these various bugs. Being tiny can't help either - she's a tough little thing but I do worry about her lack of reserves.

Urgh. Actually feel better after teaching 2 lessons. At least I feel useful while I'm here. (on a free now and doing breathing exercises)

Thanks for letting me vent!!!!
Now - back to work. Hate the way one's eyes feel as though they've been sandpapered on no sleep.

Oh Stropps, I know everyone talks about disengagement, but I think it's nigh on impossible. You know that you couldn't/wouldn't put her on the street and listening to howling from a distance is a horrible sound. Does she have a trusted godmother type figure or other adult that she wouldn't lash out at, but may be able to get through to her? Did any of her counsellors or MH workers strike a chord with her? Or even a favourite teacher? I'm just looking for a channel to get a message across, if she's shutting the metaphorical door in your face.

Here the packing for the mountain climbing father son bonding session is in full swing.... this is currently dh crashing around, flinging boots, coats etc everywhere and ds lying in bed .... I'm going off to see ddad with a mission to try to mend his computer. If I told you it ran on DOS, had WordPerfect and spoke to you a la Stephen Hawking, you wouldn't believe me! I may post a photo later.....It's often shown on those retro shows - how it was in the 80's etc......

Ds is better - ish. Peaceful, happy seeing mates, pottering... still quite volatile and reactive to small insignificant things, which is a bit nervy to live with. But he's sleeping, eating and sometimes getting some exercise, so little steps. Apparently we all get to go to family therapy soon - can't wait

Just saying I love being alone and would happily spend my next 40 years pottering around, seeing friends when I wanted, eating what I wanted, sleeping starfish when I wanted......I have a friend who thinks the same and we peruse property porn of tiny fishermen's cottages. It's like our guilty pleasure.....

I'm so sorry about your dcat, Crem. I don't know what to say, but . Take solace in baby reindeer......