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Crepeys who try not to look like creepy clowns....

999 replies

BeachysSandyFlipFlops · 14/10/2016 20:34

Would that be OK?

Must try to avoid a thread switch on a Friday night Grin

OP posts:
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24
Rosebag · 01/11/2016 15:36

The whole loneliness thing concerns me a lot. So many women seem to talk about this. I feel it myself. Yet I only worry about the empty nest in respect of other people thinking that I'm a waste of space, and worrying about not having enough work to feel useful. And being self employed is, for me anyway, terribly lonely. I don't mind my kids moving on...I wish they bloody would. BFF, who now has two DC at uni, one abroad, actually said to her DH (who is a fitness maniac, bordering on obsessive) that if he kept disappearing off on three week long bike rides in Africa and running off to the gym at every opportunity...she would get lonely and have to address it. She said it brought him up short. Not quite sure what she had in mind, though... Grin

I was never bothered about my DHs hobby..and when he went away to indulge it etc...until I felt that my choices to do what I wanted had reduced to almost nothing. So .....it's not really about them, is it? It's about us.... Hmm

Anyway, ya boo to all that. Have to find something good everyday to celebrate or I'll go nuts. I now seem to have acquired three (3,iii) private clients and quite like the wad of twenties accumulating in my purse. That's something I guess....and suddenly there is a lot of extra teaching potential because a colleague who used to hog loads of local courses has RETIRED. Grin Id say woo hoo except the hours are so antisocial.

Hang on in there tilly Lean on us for moral support. Xxxx

herbs don't go.... there are hardly any Norf London Crepeys....

motherinferior · 01/11/2016 15:54

It's difficult, the loneliness thing. I spent four (4, iv) years living with someone who went or the pub with colleagues every night. For the last couple of years I had countless nights when I went home, cooked my dinner, washed my dinner up and waited for him to come home. I had lots of stuff I did on my own and lots of friends, but if I went home that was what happened. Every night. I used to ring friends who'd say "we're having dinner" and not be able to imagine what that would be like.

These days I'm also aware I might not want to have dinner together either, which is a bit worrying. We really don't seem to spend much time together - or want to either.

magimedi · 01/11/2016 16:15

BTM - so sorry to hear that DS has had to go back to hospital.

Herbs, I was thinking about your Move to Nortrh (!) when I was walking this afternoon. When DS was about 16 (post GCSE) we moved from Wiltshire up to Aberdeen (DH's job) & spent 4 years there.

We all loved Aberdeen & had a great time but the winters............. I had never lived so far North before & the snow and even more the paucity of daylight hours in the winter were the main reason I could never have settled there.

I remember, in early December, on a cloudy day, it would not get properly light untill at least 8.45am & was pitch dark by 3.30pm. I slept a lot, ate a lot & put on quite a lot weight.

The snow was very pretty & was cooped with a hundred times better than down here, but when DH was away I had to clear snow off our drive to keep things clear for the car. The winter wonderland aspect fades fast!

I don't want to sound down & negative & there were loads of things that were great but it's no bad thing to tell you about the bad bits of the great north!

Rudymentary · 01/11/2016 16:21

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherinferior · 01/11/2016 16:30

No, I think you're right.

I loved living on my own.

Rudymentary · 01/11/2016 16:36

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

magimedi · 01/11/2016 16:47

We have lived in 7 different places over 30 years of marriage (and 11 different houses) & I now don't have any real friends where I live, more acquaintances. But I do have some very good friends dotted around the country & though I don't see them often we chat and/or email regularly.

I reckon there are the friends you can count on the fingers of one hand & they are the ones that matter.

I like my own company & DH & I still enjoy each others company but we are careful to do different things & not spend every moment together. The luxury we have is enough room in the house that we each have our own room & neither of us ever goes into the other's room with out asking permission.

hattymattie · 01/11/2016 16:56

MM - you sound very wise.

I have never lived alone so not sure I'd be very good at it.

Grinat MI and tai chi holidays although we do have friends who go on golfing holidays.

magimedi · 01/11/2016 17:05

I'm not wise - just old Grin

Tai chi holiday sounds.. err........ interesting. Grin

Rudymentary · 01/11/2016 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herbaceous · 01/11/2016 17:29

I lived alone for four years, and bloody LOVED it. Though it was when I was young and vibrant and living in 'Islington Borders' so was out a lot with a big gang of chums. Now, when DP goes away I enjoy it for a little bit, then start to miss him, which sounds about the right balance. But when he's here we vegetate on the settee staring at our iPads.

Some of the houses I've been looking at (any thoughts on Benton, NU?) are so vast we could have a room each, a room together, one for DS, one for guests and one to just chuck crap into.

motherinferior · 01/11/2016 17:56

What has she had pierced, Rudy? I am slightly longing for another ear one (after my two extra lobe piercings and my nose) but not compatible with aim to start swimming again...

We need new curtains. I have been havering for far too long and have suggested we get cheap red readymades. When I say 'need' I do mean it - the existing ones are ragged. Literally.Blush

GiddyGiddyGoat · 01/11/2016 18:00

Nooooooooo Herbs, don't leave us!
Rose and I will have to stage a N London intervention if you don't stop it..

Your ds will love being a teenager in London - it's fab - and if you go it's v v hard to change your mind. You might have to explain that to a disgruntled teenager in due course...

Auriga · 01/11/2016 18:12

Holy shit, MI, better take action before you get sucked in to weekends away doing TMAWMNBN Shock Take up viol consorts or something civilised like that Grin

Sorry about DS's bad day BTM. Hope tomorrow is better.

Rudy, how is your DS?

Rosebag · 01/11/2016 18:12

Oh dear. I have ordered a black velvet Boden party dress. 20% off and free delivery/returns. I blame loneliness, personally Grin . might be a hanging off the boob shelf problem but fed up with body con

Now I've got a yen for another piercing...

motherinferior · 01/11/2016 18:17

Auriga, I can safely say it will be a cold day in hell before I indulge in TMATDNSIN.

Herbs, I agree that London is a fab place for teenagers.

Collymollypuff · 01/11/2016 18:28

Herbs - ''one just to chuck Crepeys into...'' when we come to stay...

Lalsy · 01/11/2016 18:30

Gorgeous dress Rose, tho I would be worried about people putting things in the thing at the back.

BTM, sorry to hear that. I hope he feels a bit perkier tomorrow.

Loneliness - yes - I spend loads of time alone. WAH and dh often working evenings and Sundays. I enjoy it more than I used to and end up looking forward to everyone going away. I know people locally and that makes all the difference. I think having separate friends and hobbies from partners is important. dh and I rarely eat together and when we do there is usually an awkward pause and then we remember what to do.

Herbs, third London as fab for teens - tho I guess that doesn't help with house and school issues....

You are wise, Magi.

hattymattie · 01/11/2016 18:45

I like that dress Rose although I'm a little unsure what's going on behind.

BTM - hope DS is a little better.

Crem - how are you?

addle · 01/11/2016 18:49

Lovely dress, rose.

Btm, hope tomorrow is a better day for Ds.

Work is mad with high illness levels and general fear has been sparked by colleague who has had norovitus and is absolutely sure they are clear but is insisting on coming into the office tomorrow. I'm sure they have been diligent and careful but irrationally would prefer they worked from home one more day. But they won't have it.

Anyone who wants to laugh but also be thoroughly depressed, can I recommend 'fleabag' on iplayer. Six half hour episodes.

bigTillyMint · 01/11/2016 19:12

Thanks everyone.

Addle, how's your DD now - back into the swing?

Rose, love the dress.

I get up early to have time on my own and enjoy the odd morning/afternoon/evening on my own. But I couldn't live on my own - I would be so lonely Blush

Herbs, the houses sound fab. And Jesmond was

bigTillyMint · 01/11/2016 19:17

great when I went to stay with a friend who lived up there about 30 years ago. But I fourth/fifth London for teens Smile

And good friends who live in places other than London have found that the schools (despite being the MC choice schools) aren't doing as well in comparison to the schools my DC go to. Fine if you have a very "normal" profile, bright and well-motivated child, but the schools seem to be much less inclusive/well-informed or set up for DC who don't just fit the mould.

herbaceous · 01/11/2016 19:24

It's a right old quandary.

The case for leaving:
1 We have £700K equity in the house. For that, we could buy a lovely house to live in, plus one on the seaside to rent out, and use ourselves, and have no mortgage. We could do jobs we liked.
2 I was (unwisely) banking on inheriting some money. Doesn't look like I will now, so need income/money for future. e.g. seaside house.
3 Secondary schools here not great. To get DS into one somewhere else we're need to be there beginning of year six, i.e. three years time.
4 Don't take advantage of all London has to offer, as it's too daunting. Somewhere with less may in fact get used more.
5 Fed up with constant noise, dirt, battles at bus stops, etc.
6 Good to do new stuff.

The case against:
1 Friends. Though the majority of my old gang have left London
2 If we left, we'd never be able to go back.
3 Family. Four hours is a long drive back for parental emergency.
4 Thus, potential loneliness. But, I do so much on Facebook, email, etc how much would change?

Sorry to hear about ailing and inappropriately pierced offspring. Do you think he did too much too soon, BTM?

herbaceous · 01/11/2016 19:29

Thanks for schools comment, BTM. At the mo, DS is so utterly 'normal' - bright, motivated, etc - he would fit in anywhere. But fear a repeat of my secondary education, where any aptitude or academic ability was mercilessly teased out of one. I don't want him to be ashamed to carry his lute to school...

MontserratCaballe · 01/11/2016 19:30

I am not ready to leave London but I would quite like to live on my own for a bit. DH and I are not really getting on. The R word looms large and he is like a bear with a sore head touting himself round looking for work. I do sympathise and am trying to be understanding but it is hard. My patience is tried. Add to that DD1 being anxious about scary clowns, music strife with DD2 and my own weariness we are not the model of a happy home.At least DS was grand, until he brought home a fucking recorder from school. Aaargh! A big house (or even a small one) in somewhere remote now looks quite tempting.

Crem, how is CremCat? And BTM, so sorry about DS not feeling good today. Is your work OK about you being off? I do hope so.

Stropps, how is DD doing? Been thinking of you a lot.

Rose, love the dress. I am very envious of you getting to dress up in lovely clothes.

Need to rouse myself. Anyone up for Secret Santa? Rudy set it up last year using an online thing and I did one for my Dec 2008 post natal group. Shall we do it this year?

I haven't booked the Christmas dinner thing for London crepes but I will Wine