Please help, I look awful

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

The really sad thing is that I do try, after a fashion. I:

• have my nails filed and polished
• eyebrows, legs and bikini line waxed
• hair highlighted and trimmed every 6-8 weeks

I still look dreadful.

• the main issue, which I recognise just can't be solved 'overnight' is my weight (please, no advice on this - I am working on it) however it means that clothes are an ongoing battle. Everything I buy makes me look fat which isn't shocking as I AM fat but I've no sort of style. I wear trousers, black or grey, to work, with a top and cardigan of some description. Bras are so uncomfortable I don't bother.

• my skin is so dry, especially around my mouth and chin, and the bottom of my nose. I put on foundation but it flakes off. However I also get spots

• I only wear foundation and mascara, don't suit lipstick or eyeshadow at all.

• my hair isn't really in any sort of style.

Well, it's a pretty bleak list but if anyone can help ... :)

Well, I consider myself ugly (not weight related but other issues). However, looking through some old photos (had to do this for family reasons otherwise would not have bothered) I've seen some where I look 'OK', perhaps even 'quite nice'. I'm several years younger in the pictures BUT at the time I felt as unattractive as I do now. So clearly I wasn't as ugly as I thought I was.

If you've any money to spend I'd just take some of the advice given including the dreaded bra ideas (I too used to hate wearing them, so didn't, but now love wearing them). Apart from a bit of £ you've nothing much to lose and part of the fun is the experiment to see if something works for you or not. I only buy the cheap Superdrug / Boots suggestions btw.

Then, after several months on here you can join the 'embarrassed by my beauty hoard' thread on here.

margarita the link disappeared on Pinterest between me screen shotting it to put on here, and going back with the exact same search.
Great that you have got on with the make up. Perhaps baby steps is what you need. I am not photogenic in the slightest eyes dodgy photo of myself in the school foyer

Skin care wise, an acid toner and hydrating serum will help. I used to get dry patches on each side of my nose, but using products in those categories have really helped. As you get your fanjo out for a wax, would you have a facial? The massages to de clog are heaven.

OP I think anyone would feel self conscious seeing images of themselves all day and as for the angle, well that's not going to flatter anyone.

I think you need a bit of pampering, the makeup is a great start. Could you start with a nice bubble or oily bath, some of the gradual tanning moisturiser and maybe treat yourself to some nice perfume?

Could accessories help? I'm overweight and use scarves, beads, bracelets etc to take attention away from my wobbly bits. I know you don't want to attract attention, but it's impossible to be invisible.

Anyway and good luck

Thanks madsprocker

OP I am your height and weight. I look great.

I got fatter because I was ill, so I feel ok about it as I'm getting treatment, but you'd be amazed how rude other people were about the onset of fat. I know what you mean about not letting go of the weight worry -- well nigh impossible. Then my hair fell out. :)

Sod the worrying. I look great.

Like you, I loathe tight bras so I get sports tops that actually hold you in (expensive ones but a tenner in TK Maxx.)

I gave up wanting to be a size 10 and dressed for my lush shape. Which is easy given fashion at the moment, surprisingly easy.

• Jogger trousers that pinch in at the ankle hide a multitude of sins.
• Scoop neck T shirts which flare at the bottom ditto.
• The joy of comfortable shoes eg leather skate shoes or brogues; if your feet hurt you will never feel good, so rock those fashionable flats.
• Oversize jacket that isn't so oversized at the moment
• Nice quirky necklace that people will comment on.
• Expensive scent.

Job done. Also, I only spent money on things like jackets and shoes that would carry on after I lost weight. Primark for everything else.

Hi

I know exactly how you feel and totally empathise!

I have some super comfy non wired bras from Evans that are lovely. I wore them when I was pregnant 10 years ago and never looked back !

Have a look on the web at a program called ' dressing your truth'. It's American but matches your personality and character to clothes and make up that will suit you. You can do most of the programme for free or sign up for extra help if you like. It's helped me massively with my body image, clothes choices and makeup and I actually feel good in things I wear now. I'm 5'3'' and a size 28.

Xx

Re your flaky skin, I suffer from that too and I've been using the nip fab pads and they seem to be helping. I think it's because the acid is more gentle than physically scrubbing. Plus I also use a lot more moisturiser than I used to use! I use the oilatum one because it's non perfumed and cheap so I could afford to make a mistake if it didn't work. If you do switch to facial acids, make sure you add suncream to your facial regime!!!

Not sure what to say to help with anything else, just that you really won't be as bad as you think you are. We are all our own worst critics after all

hollin you look awesome. OP, I bet you don't look half as bad as you think. Keep making small steps.

margarita I also spent ages trying to find that graphic so I could actually read it properly! Go to Pinterest and put (in double quotes) "proportion makes all the difference between frumpy and fit". You'll find it there.

Thanks tawny.

Re hair cut i hate to break it to you and it is stating the obvious but humans are hard wired to look at each other faces and thus hair. A good hair cut will not draw extra attention to your face but could refocus attention from your face to your hair.
Be brave ask hair dresser for suggestions then let them loose. Really brave get the to do it without you sitting in front of a mirror. Worst case you are growing out a cut.

Also lets take a positive ok having your photo taken every day is a bugger but it is unavoidable so what's the positive? Well you have the luxury of being able to look back over time and see when you made changes and what the actual out come was. Treat it as your own personal (free) experimentation diary make a change, mark the date and after say 2 weeks or a month put the first and last side by side and have a look. It's data so use it. You could then put 2 elements together and see if that works for you.

Finally 2 litres of water is ok but if you are running about and in centrally heated spaces it might not be enough ....

How about some mindfulness or counselling or hypnosis for your confidence

Also second Pilates for your back but make sure you get a properly Qualified teacher that has done the specialist back issues training too. Makes the world of difference

LanaorAna, what an amazing post!

My mum is like you (only 5' and size 16) and she looks really good in layers and jackets that skim. A bra is vital, it will also make you feel a bit sexy.

OP, I am very similar size/shape to you, though a touch shorter. Have slipped from a 16 to an 18 recently though I would like to do something about it, but not motivated right now.

I can look good in the right clothes/make up, but I can look dreadful.

Please take some of the advice on this thread.

You really do need a bra to give you more shape.

Cardigans look dreadful on me. Jackets much better. You say they pull, try a large one? Doesn't matter what size the label says.

Fitted dresses can look good, no cling, just a structured dress with its own shape than skims over mine.

My legs won't fit in skinny jeans but straight jeans are good. I can wear straight jeans from M&s and Wallis happily.

Sadly, expensive clothes look much better on me, nothing cheap, nothing polyester.

For tops: no sacks. Either slightly fitted or 'blouson' style look best, with scooped or v necks.

So a basic outfit of straight jeans, good boots, fitted top & jacket - you're away.

Has anything I've said grabbed you at all? Do you want links to actual possible clothes to try on? Do you have a waitrose nearby so you can click and collect armfuls of clothes and return those that don't work? Do you have some spare ££?

I don't wear foundation on a day to day basis, tinted moisturiser only. Plus a little blusher and a great mascara (ysl false effect) and rose tinted Vaseline on lips. To turn this into evening, I add grey liner along the top of the eyelid and a cheap rimmel antique rose coloured lipstick which really 'lifts' me.

Just to say Hollin looks awesome!

Just to say op hope you can get some confidence and inspiration from this thread.
I am so glad you started this thread it has been very positive and enlightening in my opinion.

Are you coming back op?

Hollin, where did you get that black dress? It's gorgeous (and you look amazing in it)!

OP Do you have a good, honest friend who can help you? The clothes thing in particular can be very overwhelming, you need someone (and an unknown personal shopper may be offputting at first) to run round selecting things for you once you have an idea of your style. Have a look at this website www.style-yourself-confident.com as it has loads of interesting and useful info on it.

I am also a short, big girl, but since having my colours done and a make up tutorial I feel loads more confident about myself. I've always been a smiler and I think that makes a big difference too *apart from the dreaded laughter lines...)

Agent - it's called Monica and it's from pinup girl clothing

But you're getting some good advice here, so you must run with it. Can you get your hair cut this week? And go bra shopping next week? I have tiny boobs, an a cup(!) And could never go without a bra.

Hope OP ok - you sound depressed/ quite low to me
I also feel ugly right now, but jacket suggestion, moisturiser on face with some new cleansing regime perhaps and something like a very soft t shirt bra without underwire, or a really soft sports bra? I wear sports bras/just a vest of some description that is by itself supportive as often as I can get away with it
jackets good
I'd hate being photographed every day. I was photographed a few times on the first day of my old job and the pictures circulated to hundreds of people's emails. I had no warning and no escape. I'm still cross about it!

I hope no one minds if I do a little update :)

I bought a lovely foundation from Chanel - just glides on - and a blush stick. I also got some new mascara and eyeshadow in a nude colour.

It's made an incredible difference to my skin. I was a bit cynical to be honest, but so many people who didn't know about this thread or my mini-crisis have commented that I look 'glowing.'

I've made friends with scarves I had a lot of them anyway but I just wear them with plain white tops for work now and they are pretty and smart.

I feel loads better and I've lost a total of a stone :) just another stone to go :(

what a great update, sounds like you have started on a good path, good luck :)