Please help, I look awful

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

The really sad thing is that I do try, after a fashion. I:

• have my nails filed and polished
• eyebrows, legs and bikini line waxed
• hair highlighted and trimmed every 6-8 weeks

I still look dreadful.

• the main issue, which I recognise just can't be solved 'overnight' is my weight (please, no advice on this - I am working on it) however it means that clothes are an ongoing battle. Everything I buy makes me look fat which isn't shocking as I AM fat but I've no sort of style. I wear trousers, black or grey, to work, with a top and cardigan of some description. Bras are so uncomfortable I don't bother.

• my skin is so dry, especially around my mouth and chin, and the bottom of my nose. I put on foundation but it flakes off. However I also get spots

• I only wear foundation and mascara, don't suit lipstick or eyeshadow at all.

• my hair isn't really in any sort of style.

Well, it's a pretty bleak list but if anyone can help ... :)

Have you ever had your make up done? It's not my thing and I don't spend much on make-up but I tried Bobbi Brown in a department store on a whim and they made me look really different. I bought a couple of the products and wear them on special occasions. They tried lots of lipsticks on me until they found one I was happy with and there was no pressure to buy.

Ditch the cardigans and layer underneath your clothes the Italian way! Wear a long sleeve vest or close fitting tshirt which doesn't show with a nice blouse or top over it.

Re makeup, if I wore only foundation and mascara I would look awful. I look better with more eye makeup even if I skipped the foundation which I do most days.

Can you get one of those bra top things to try? No straps or wire, just like a stretch crop top? A little lift in that area would help you feel a bit more put together maybe?

Also can you inject some colour to your wardrobe?

Find a style icon?

I can't think of any style icons who are short and fat!

I don't really want to be noticed just at the moment, I do like colours but don't want anything too eye-catching. I definitely won't wear a bra, sorry ladies - I hate them. Maybe when I've lost weight / am at target.

I disagree that it's hard to feel and look good in clothes at a larger size. I'm 5'3' and a 16-18 and I look and feel good in what a dress most of the time. So much of it is your own self esteem and confidence rather than your dress size. Losing weight quickly may help with the dress size but unless you then keep it off and also start being kinder to yourself, it's not going to help with feeling better inside.

Please try a sports bra or a soft bra just to give yourself a lift and more of a waistline. I'm a 36F and was fine wearing soft bra tops for 6 weeks after an operation but a proper bra just gives my figure a much better lift.

I also do a lot of layering with long sleeved tops and a slightly fitted top on top. I used to be a lot larger and wore a lot of baggy clothes. I've since learnt that baggy things only serve to make you look larger than you actually are.

Honestly, a lady of your size being bra less is pretty 'look at me!' Behaviour.

Re: style icons
What about Adele? I think she's a size 16? And she always looks amazing and elegant! I love her style and hair and makeup.
Another lady that I think dresses really well is Melissa McCarthy.

Just suggestions since you said you couldn't think of anyone.

I think a bra would be a good start - moving your breasts away from your waistline would give you a shape - even a soft sports bra - I am currently breastfeeding and wear a £3 soft sleep bra from ASDA which is ridiculously comfortable but stops my nipples from being somewhere around my knees!

Agree with others regarding your self esteem. That should be your focus. You've had lots of suggestions but you're writing them all off. You're being really mean to yourself. It's time to start talking back to your inner bully. You have value.

I can't think of any style icons who are short and fat!

They're not exactly style icons but actresses like Melissa McCarthy and Octavia Spencer usually look good and they are both larger ladies.

I know you said you didn't want any advice re the weight loss but I really do swear by My Fitness Pal, if you aren't already using it. It's amazing the difference it makes if you keep track of what you are eating.

And definitely wear a bra - if you're finding them uncomfortable then you're probably wearing the wrong size!

Wow, I'd HATE to be photographed everyday at work. No wonder you feel self conscious. I'd second what blackheart said about getting some proper makeup advice. I'd recommend making an appointment at the Mac counter...honestly they can do wonderful things!!

Tell them what type of makeup you're looking for, ie a daytime, professional look, and they will show you what to do and which products to use. It costs about £25 but you get this back on products you buy.

Oh, and do wear a bra. Unsupported breasts will attract far more attention than a bit of mascara. There are hundreds of different fits and styles. I recommend the fitting service at Debenhams.

I'm no oil painting but even I have to agree that I look MUCH better with make-up. I am 5ft 4in, 16-18 too. I'm with you on the clothes / style thing though, there are larger ladies who are in proportion, but I am not one of them and I carry so much weight around my middle and look pregnant.

Putting make-up on will add an extra 5 minutes to your morning routine but will make you feel heaps better. This is what I do

Foundation - (maybe a tinted moisturiser would be best for you with dry skin) - I use a liquid applied with a sponge.
Eyeshadow - find a pale peach and just apply with a brush, as it's such a pale colour you can go right up to the lids and it does make your eyes look bigger - this colour suits everyone's eye colour.

Mascara
Kohl pencil on eyeline, or I have a very thin brush and will dab black eyeshadow on it which doesn't create such a harsh line.

JML Magic concealer (this is a powder but it works miracles on me and makes my skin tone look more even).
Just a sweep of blush (or bronzing pearls in the summer)
I only wear lipstick on a night out. I don't wear gloss at all as I hate how it feels. For everyday I just use a tinted lip-syl type of thing

My office is semi-casual (not smart, but definitely no denim). I like jersey dresses worn over leggings which I usually wear with heeled ankle boots, or slouchy suede flat boots. The Jersey material skims rather than clings which is a confidence booster.

I bought some nice jeans this week - cigarette leg from Next at £26. They are a more relaxed fit and more flattering than skinnies.

I went on a Gok Wan show once (not the one where you take your clothes off). I was only in the audience but he told you your body shape and how best to dress it, and apple shapes should wear a jersey blazer which is nipped in at the waist and creates the illusion of actually owning a waist.

I went through a phase of bras being really uncomfortable so I bought some non-wire ones which were okay but i had to admit the wired ones made for a better support. Why not open an account with Very so you can try them on in different sizes in the comfort of your own home - take some before and after photos to see if you can see a difference - if you don't like any of them, just send them back. I am afraid once you get to a certain age or size you definitely need the support. I've just bought some new bras and can see how the other ones had become baggy and a bit shapeless, and how much of a difference they make to my boobs.

Sorry to go on.

I am a similar size OP. There seems to be a few of us on this thread so you are not alone.

At our size we don't really need exclusively plus size ranges as lots of shops go up to an 18 these days and I find plus size clothes are usually designed for taller women and swamp me.

What I do when I want to try a new brand/shape/colour is to buy on ebay first so I can see what the sizing, fit etc is like without spending a lot.

I like plain tunics and usually they are long enough to wear as dresses with tights but I do sometimes wear slightly shorter ones with jeggings or leggings.

Skinny jeans are a lot more flattering on me than I would have thought before trying. I try to wear them with a just barely bum covering shirt or top as that is the most flattering on me and then layer a nice jacket over. This look is probably the most flattering on me and can be made more dressy with black jeans and eveningy top for a night out.

this type of jacket
It is not too structured so more comfortable than a blazer.

I love Mint Velvet for going out tops although they are a little above my budget so I keep an eye on the sales.

I'm no expert with makeup, far from it. But I doubt that foundation without lipstick is working for you.

I don't like lipstick, on the odd occasion I wear foundation I use a tinted lip balm (Burts Bees is wonderful) just to give some colour and definition.

You don't even need a mirror to apply it, chuck it on like chapstick. But that and a teeny bit of blusher will raise your look enormously.

Ooh I saw the cigarette leg next jeans in a magazine and loved them, what are they like in real life?

I forgot to add my makeup tips. No.7 in Boots do a colour match service which is great for finding a good foundation and will also help with tips.

I find lipstick too much for daywear and gloss can be sticky so I swear by lip pencils, not liners but the chubby ones like these Cheaper brands do them too.

I bought a lovely Revlon product that gives cheeks a nice hint of colour this

Have you tried epiduo for the skin kate? I'm evangelical about the stuff. Use it only once every 2 or 3 days though to avoid more dryness.

My skin (and hair) have never been better than when I was on a low-carb diet so eating avocado and nuts every day.

MorrisZap - They look like a straight leg jean to be honest but they are more of a relaxed fit around the thighs, bottom and stomach so I think they're ideal for us apple shapes - they are big sized though so if you hover between sizes, choose the smaller ones. Unfortunately I hadn't read the reviews before they bought them and as a 16/18 I bought an 18 which is fine on day 1, but by day 2 they feel too loose. I keep meaning to go and buy another pair so I'd get a 16.

I use movis soap from lush and wash twice with it every day. I use moisturiser from lidl which is great.
I agree that you need to be kinder to yourself!
I had a style lesson and had my colours done too. It was brilliant and now I know what suits me and why it suits me which helps me shop for things I look good in.
Make up wise, most large department stores have concession stands who will do make up for you but I also find the number 7 boots staff very helpful.

I know you keep dismissing it, but honestly the very best thing you can do to improve your shape in clothes is to wear a bra. The difference to your self esteem is amazing in a good fitting bra.

It's not attention seeking, Mardy. My boobs aren't very big, and no one even notices, and given that I work in a secondary school someone would have said something, I haven't worn a bra since about 2012. I really don't like them.

I am afraid I didn't realise just what a lost cause I was when I started the thread, so thank you for your advice and I'm just sorry I'm too ugly to work it! :)

What are you talking about? Too ugly? No one on this thread knows who you are or what you look like. That's just attention seeking hand wringing woe is me talk.