Please help, I look awful

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

The really sad thing is that I do try, after a fashion. I:

• have my nails filed and polished
• eyebrows, legs and bikini line waxed
• hair highlighted and trimmed every 6-8 weeks

I still look dreadful.

• the main issue, which I recognise just can't be solved 'overnight' is my weight (please, no advice on this - I am working on it) however it means that clothes are an ongoing battle. Everything I buy makes me look fat which isn't shocking as I AM fat but I've no sort of style. I wear trousers, black or grey, to work, with a top and cardigan of some description. Bras are so uncomfortable I don't bother.

• my skin is so dry, especially around my mouth and chin, and the bottom of my nose. I put on foundation but it flakes off. However I also get spots

• I only wear foundation and mascara, don't suit lipstick or eyeshadow at all.

• my hair isn't really in any sort of style.

Well, it's a pretty bleak list but if anyone can help ... :)

Whoa let's be gentle here, please

Oh dear Mardy, I have annoyed you.

No, it isn't, it's just unfortunately people have gone to time and trouble on my behalf, and I am sorry that I can't be more 'useful' in my responses.

It is perhaps more attention seeking to deliberately post comments which could be interpreted as inflammatory for no reason and certainly no provocation.

Thanks, WP :)

How about a soft sports bra? No underside of faffy sizing just your clothes size. It would give your clothes a better shape.

You say no one notices but would anyone actually say anything If they did? I know I didnt wouldn't say anything to my teacher on the subject!

Underwire not underside

If it was that noticeable someone in management would, but they haven't because it really isn't noticeable :)

I'm sorry if you've taken my messages more abruptly than intended, but just have some positivity about yourself, no one else is going to be your cheerleader!

If you're unhappy, make changes. People will help with advice and support. But you've come across quite rude in your dismissing everything offered to you on this thread after you specifically asked for help.

I hope you can find happiness with yourself

I sometimes get dry skin around my nose and mouth, I apply a good coating of Vaseline to these areas at night and after a couple of nights it's much improved, might be worth a try?

OK that's fine. Just making sure. I have some illuminating cream which was about £4 in super drug in MUA range and it perks my skin right up even when it's looking crap as I hate foundations etc.

I don't think I've been rude, Mardy.

I am afraid I did not realise just how bad things/I am, I certainly didn't post a thread thinking 'I will annoy everyone on mumsnet by refuting all suggestions' but as the thread developed I realised that things were/are pretty bad and unfortunately that's where we're at.

Silk purses and sows ears isn't it! :)

The fact that I am unattractive isn't a reflection on anybody else, and no one should take it as such!

It occurred to me the other day, (I am a bit overweight too) that it is not an instant disqualification from being attractive, or fashionable, or confident, or well put together, or professional. It is just one part of your appearance (anything to do with health is another issue). It's not like if you can't get down to BMI25 you might as well not bother because you're a write off. And everything else can be worked on like hair and clothes and make up. Sometimes really small changes can make a difference and bring out your natural features much better.

TBH if you can cope with a bikini wax a bra fitting is no big deal! I would strongly recommend Bravissimo they make it a lovely non threatening experience. Sorry to keep harping on about this but the difference between a bad fitting bra and a good one is huge. It's like saying you never wear shoes because all you have is wellies that are 2 sizes too big and they are uncomfortable!

If you need to get out of a rut would you try a personal stylist - John Lewis, Taking Shape do styling, or the house-of-colour type thing? Or just treat your self to some lovely accessories which will fit you at any size ?

Have to agree with Mardy, you've been given some good advice here and it seems as if you don't want to listen to it.

I don't see how you could possibly be so ugly that all of this advice is of no use. Do it in baby steps, you don't have to take it all on at once. It could take up to a year to find your style and feel better about yourself but if you keep refusing to help yourself then you won't get anywhere.

And a bra is definitely something you need to make your figure look better, small boobs or not. The right one won't be uncomfortable.

Sorry x-posted with about the last 20 posts! OP we've all jumped in with a load of unsolicited advice but your OP doesn't actually have a question. Were you just offloading?

Try a sports bra maybe it would be more comfortable? No bra is not an option IMO.

My advice would be drink more water. Get a good exfoliator for your skin and sleep in thick moisturiser then wash it off in the morning and use a normal day cream. In a week this should solve the dry skin issue. If you can afford it get a facial.

Head to a department store's make up counter and ask them to give you a make up lesson. They will show you things you wouldn't normally consider so could give you some good ideas. They will give you the hard sell on products so only buy if you really like them otherwise just ask them to write them all down and say you'll come back the next day when you have had chance to get used to the products. I have worked in make up and would recommend for everyone: Foundation, bronzer, blusher (can be very natural), light eyebrow pencil, kohl pencil eyeliner (much easier than liquid and can start with brown just use under the lower lashes), black mascara, pale pink lip gloss. Use concealer on your eyelids and under the eyes (this changes everyone's face for the better) no need to bother with eyeshadow.

YY to fake tan. Loreal elixir from boots/ superdrug or St Moritz mouse. One layer in the light shade if you're not used to it. It won't go orange. Make sure you wash your hands thoroughly afterwards and rub a blob on the backs of your hands. If you can afford it get an all over body scrub a couple of days beforehand it will improve the overall appearance of your skin.

Clothing- do you like wrap dresses in soft fabric? Could be a nice change from trousers?

As you're conscious of your weight you're not going to feel perfect in whatever you buy at the moment BUT focus on the positives in your appearance and remember every day is a day closer to your goal. You'll get there if you stick to your plans. Good luck.

Guys, I did not want to start 'you are ignoring helpful advice', yes I am, not because it isn't helpful but because I'm just not - right, for it, I suppose.

Makeup doesn't suit me, my hair is just sort of there and I can't do much with it except make sure the colour is nice as I don't want a style pulling attention to my face, and I really detest bras, and in fairness I've said that a lot now so I'm not going to take responsibility for people continuing to post that :)

I did think there might be something that could help me look a bit more groomed and polished but anything I could possibly do would have the negative side affect of eliciting attention which I don't want! Sorry if I've been a pain, I have got some good ideas for the future, possibly :)

Re the bra that is unusual but up to you.

Re the makeup I think you can be openminded as you already wear it. Why don't you just try something different?

Re the clothes, well you can kit yourself out with a new wardrobe or wait until you have lost weight.

You spend a lot of time and money maintaining yourself compared to me (I don't get my nails done, only get a wax once in the summer, go to the hairdresser three times a year, don't wear foundation, hate it. I do wear a bra . But I think I am passable especially on a good day.) So I am sure you can't be that bad.

Are you sure it's not a confidence/self-esteem issue?

Well, they say the camera never lies and those pictures are pretty bad :) It's a 'me' thing rather than a makeup/clothing thing though - like I say, you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear!

My heart hurts for you. I want you to read back over the vile statements you have made about/ to yourself, and imagine sitting alongside someone you love and that somebody is saying all of those things to them. Would you tolerate that?

Google 'tightlining' as I think someone else suggested upthread. It's a way of putting eyeliner on that doesn't look obvious, and just makes your lashes look thicker. It's really natural looking. I do it with a grey eyeliner for day and black if I'm going out at night. You could use dark brown, depending on your colouring.

I don't think style and beauty is the right place for where you are just now.

If you hate your looks but don't want to improve them in any way in case it draws attention to you, I think your issues lie deeper than style advice.

Are you friends with your workmates?

Get a bra! Bra fitters have seen every size and shape of woman, they won't bat an eyelid and you'll look and feel soooo much better.
Have you looked at Uniqlo cardigan jacket? It's a soft Jersey blazer, more structured than a cardigan but won't pull like a normal blazer.
Small changes are the way forward, it's the same with the weight, I find it's harder to lose weight or make a change if I feel really crap about myself because I feel it isn't worth the bother. Start with some basics which make you feel good and build on that.
Good luck! X

You've not been a pain at all, it's just like cherryblossom says it's not nice to see you saying such horrible things about yourself.

What are your good points?
I know your struggle with hair, mine is just kind of there too and is so thick it's hard to do anything with it. I recently changed the colour though and it made such a difference. Why don't you have a play about like that? Oh and you can't beat a good coconut oil hair mask for making it silky smooth!

Don't worry, I get on OK, mostly :) but looks aren't my strong point.

This is going to sound incredibly trite but you have to be your own friend and champion before you can expect anything to change. Most people look ordinary. That's a fact. Most people look a bit rough without a bit of effort (brushing hair, moisturising skin etc). Also a fact.

Looking healthy, well and happy is attractive. Most of us are faking the first bit with makeup and the latter with bravado.

If you have severely dry skin around your mouth I'd go to the GP and get it looked at. You may need a steroid cream or a referral to a dermatologist. If it is more cosmetic than medical try adding this serum to your routine m.boots.com/h5/cat_hub?unCountry=uk&path=%2Fen%2FVichy-Aqualia-Thermal-Dynamic-Hydration-Serum-30ml_1457239%2F (I never pay that much and always buy it on offer) and an exfoliating/acid toner. Clarins do a gentle one if acid is too harsh for your skin.

With you hair, would you like a bit of shape? Adding a solid fringe can make a big difference. So does having a sharper cut.

Everyone looks better with blusher and bronzer. Nars are good - if you have a Space NK go and get them to try them on you.

Bobbi Brown is the place to go for eyes and lips. They will show you techniques and colours. Try their truffle colour shadow stick on your eyelids. It's really subtle but will make you look more awake because it is pale with lined eyes and mascara. They also do good non-sparkly bronzer.

I love eyeliner pencils with smudgers on the ends. They just soften the look and obliterate any mistakes. Estée Lauder do good ones and have a safe brown that suits pretty much anyone. Otherwise Bobbi Brown has some good ones but they are stronger tones.

Everyone looks better with mascara because it makes you look more alert and gives definition to your eyes.

Everyone looks better with a nude lip stick. If you're not quite ready for that Clarins do something that's a cross between a lip colour and a lip balm. I'll link in a minute of my post here will vanish due to mobile site issues.

Also agree a good bra is worth looking into. It will make you stand taller, create shape that will make you feel more confident and most importantly it will be comfortable.