Please help, I look awful

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

The really sad thing is that I do try, after a fashion. I:

• have my nails filed and polished
• eyebrows, legs and bikini line waxed
• hair highlighted and trimmed every 6-8 weeks

I still look dreadful.

• the main issue, which I recognise just can't be solved 'overnight' is my weight (please, no advice on this - I am working on it) however it means that clothes are an ongoing battle. Everything I buy makes me look fat which isn't shocking as I AM fat but I've no sort of style. I wear trousers, black or grey, to work, with a top and cardigan of some description. Bras are so uncomfortable I don't bother.

• my skin is so dry, especially around my mouth and chin, and the bottom of my nose. I put on foundation but it flakes off. However I also get spots

• I only wear foundation and mascara, don't suit lipstick or eyeshadow at all.

• my hair isn't really in any sort of style.

Well, it's a pretty bleak list but if anyone can help ... :)

Sorry for Hijack OP

Mad Sprocker - would you mind posting a link to the guide to proportions you posted? I can't see the wording properly and have driven myself nuts all morning looking for it on pinterest / the blogsite

And I wish you all the best OP.

I realise the thread has taken a different turn but FWIW my mantra is good bag, good shoes, good coat. With even one of those, I feel much more swishy and stylish.

This one for lips. I like rose for a hint of colour and my pink for the most subtle bit of shine.

m.clarins.co.uk/instant-light-lip-balm-perfector/C050303006.html

You say that you're "not right" for the advice but I guess that's the thing isn't it - you aren't happy the way you are but you don't feel it's possible to change. There's no inherent reason why you couldn't give some of this stuff a try. So I guess the solution is that you either learn to be content what you see in the mirror (which I am sure there are actually lots of good things about) or you accept that if you want things to be different then you have to change things.

I suspect the issue isn't about how you look. Most of us aren't models or rare beauties, it's about how you view yourself. In the words of Elvis Costello, there are things you can't cover up with lipstick and powder......

I have a feeling that whatever is suggested you won't be ready for as you feel so low.

I'm intrigued as to what you do in a secondary school that involves you being photographed on a daily basis!

All the tips given should be thought about and give some a try, im not being bad as i often feel bad about myself and im trying to lose weight but to dismiss the help repeatedly and not try any is defeatist in the extreme.

No point waiting to sort out your skin when if you lose weight, wouldnt you like to be slimmer and have better skin or would you rather be slimmer with bad skin?

Whats stopping you starting that now, just go for it and if you really cant then you need to get help as you self esteem needs external working on. Counselling or cbt or whatever as if you cant even begin something/ anything then how you look is the least of your worries.

You are so desperately unhappy, nothing is going to change that until you change the way you feel about yourself.

Child protection dame

It is a well known fact that children are safer when there are daily photographs of the people teaching them

I don't think I am desperately unhappy! Desperately unhappy and desperately unattractive are not one and the same!

Do you think you might give any of these a try Kate?

I can't really wear blush/eye makeup or lip stuff and most of the thread is wear a bra and so I don't know. Why? :)

I'm fat. You have to fake it a little sometimes. I was looking through photos last night and I put two side by side. There's not a massive amount of weight loss but it's how I hold myself that looks different
(No need for PMs saying I've outed myself, I don't post anything I wouldn't say in public).
Size 16/18

You're not fat hollin - you don't look anything like me, trust me (and that's a compliment! :))

You need to work on your self esteem. I've been where you are: wearing horrible shapeless crap to work, scraping my hair back, putting make up on even though I thought it was futile. The problem wasn't my looks, it was my perception of myself.

Start with just one thing. Go on pintrest and choose a hair style you like. You might think "there's no point, I'll look horrendous anyway" but go and get your hair cut like that. it will be a tiny boost and then you can start thinking about other tiny boosts you can give yourself.

Nobody would say the horrible things you have said about yourself to another person. Even if you'd just crawled out of a sewer looking and smelling like poo, nobody would be as cruel to you as you are being to yourself.

Let's see a pic. Put something in front of your face or wear a mask and let's see your hair and style. Then we can help.

I may when I get in :) have bought some new makeup anyway so we'll see.

Kate - I'm 15st 10 and no lightweight! But what I'm saying is there is v v little weight difference in those pics, it was all about posture and belief

You say you "can't" but it does sound more like "won't".

Unless you actually have scales and two eye patches you probably could try some of these ideas.

What do you want to change? Do you want to look younger, less tired, more polished or something else?

It's not really clear what you're looking for because if you don't want style and beauty tips you're in the wrong place!

What did you buy? How did you feel when you bought it?

Hey OP, I'm with you, I'm ugly too! I've always felt myself to be ugly anyway, but looking back at old photos I see quite a pretty youngster so I have to concede that I might have been making problems in my head. Except NOW of course, surely now the truth is that I'm ugly? ;) I have the privilege of being on a web tv thing once a month (albeit that the camera is far away) and it's always a shock to see myself. Do I really look this ... bovine? In my mind my face is being brilliantly expressive and showing sparkling intelligence, in real life I seem to be making ... faces. :S Anyway, it'd be my worst nightmare to be photographed every day, I feel for you! My kids say I should practice taking selfies because it teaches you a lot about your looks and that everyone has an ugly and a pretty side. You learn to control what image you want to present of yourself. I can't be arsed though because one bad selfie is just too too terrible, can't bear to take seventy for the sake of one good one!

Anyway, feck the weight. Weight schmeight, sure what can we do bar stop eating altogether, sob. The curses of an overly sedentary life. I highly recommend Pilates though! It has saved me from lumbago altogether and is the reason my arse looks this good. Find a nice fat friendly studio. Once confidence in your body's capabilities climbs you can move on! And go in for skincare because spots MURDER a person's self esteem. Double cleansing for starters. I love my pricy Beauté Pacifique super 3 booster, it's done good stuff!

UGLIES UNITE who knows I might even wear lipstick someday (no I won't it looks plain wrong on me)

:)

In fairness, the camera is at a horrible angle, but still.

MovingOn, as I said before, I didn't mean to waste anyone's time but I didn't realise until the thread was already established, how bad things are really.

As hollin shows, you can be big and pretty, with a shape. I haven't. My head merges into my neck, my stomach protrudes massively and I have a long torso in comparison to my short legs so clothes wise it's a nightmare.

As to what I've got, I needed foundation and mascara anyway but I also have some neutral eye shadow and some cream blush thing.

Well done on the make up. Go and try it, put it on lightly first and see what you think then slap it on.
The effect will be different.

I have to agree that it does sound like you are in a place right now where you just aren't going to listen to any of the wonderful advice you've been given. Please stop being so harsh about yourself. I'm willing to bet you are actually lovely. You say you have to be photographed each day. Do you have to see the photograph? I think a lot of people would struggle with this to be fair!

I would say minimal make-up can make a huge difference. If you are just wearing foundation and mascara it will make your face look very "flat"and dead. A tiny amount of blusher (it doesn't need to be scary stripes) will make a massive difference to your face. It will make you look brighter and more alive.
A light foundation , mascara, blusher and lip balm (the clarins one linked above is lovely) should make you look refreshed and awake. You don't need to go all out with make-up if you aren't comfortable with it.

As for clothes, do you wear different colours, or do you try and hide yourself away wearing dark colours all the time? Even something like a bright coloured scarf, necklace or earrings can make a huge difference to how you look and also feel. As you are losing weight I would concentrate on getting together some lovely cheerful accessories.

For hair, could you try and just master a couple of nice updos? I find that when I wear my hair up nicely it often makes me feel more groomed and slimmer as well.

I feel like you've been given a hard time over not wearing a bra, but I promise you it's for good reason. If you find them uncomfortable then you haven't been wearing the correct size. I would suggest though just wearing something like the asda sports/sleep bras instead as these are really comfy and give at least a little support. It's not really about how big or small your boobs are, but how it will alter your shape. I promise you even a comfy sleep bra will actually make you look slimmer and boost your confidence. These are the type I'm talking about. They feel nothing like wearing a bra I promise!. direct.asda.com/george/womens/lingerie/comfort-bra/G003991106,default,pd.html They are so cheap, please just try one?

You see the photograph!

It's like a screen maybe shoulder height to me so I have to look down in the screen, and it's also tilted at an angle so your chin is v prominent, it's a nightmare!

I've listened to advice and I've got eyeshadow and blush, so stay with me, Rome wasn't built in a day and so on :)

kate how about some good supporting underwear? Don't mean just bra, but a good spandex to keep your tummy in a bit?

Agree with someone further upthread re fringe, I feel that a nice thick fringe may give your haircut a finished look.

The main thing is for you to feel better about yourself and not to be so negative re your appearance. hollin gave you a great example, sometimes you just have to fake it. I would never think she is a 16/18 based on those pictures, she looks amazing!

Well done on the make up front though!

I've got a ridiculously low forehead Walking and so I'm not sure a fringe would look great! Thanks, though. I'm a bit funny about underwear in general and given the choice probably wouldn't wear it at all!

However the makeup has helped :) so thank you :)