Crepe And Stormy

[Cremo]

Over here Crepemunks!
Hope no one else has started one

Rudy - I think that is absolutely right. It's like the old CV/job think where men say they could do it without hesitation and women are much more truthful.

Had a lovely day with DFriend yesterday. Great gossip plus DS then accompanied us on a walk motivated by her having DDog. He regaled us with stories about his batty French teacher who said she was like their mother and the classroom was her womb

Do you think our DH's/DP's feel that we value them? Not much ego-stroking goes on in our house, apart from bigging-up the teens!

Rudy, I think you are right. How many of us say do this - but it is just/only part-time/voluntary/not as important as other people/happens on Tuesdays not Thursdays/is invisible/badly paid? I think we are socialised to do this more than men. It is hard not to fall into the "getting a bit of work done" trap, I think you were right to take a tough line years ago, MI. Mind you, listening to the radio yesterday showed the pitfalls of a male culture that excludes self-doubt.

dh and I don't do much bigging. Occasional mumble about a nice meal or badminton shot. Maybe we should more - how can I start small so he doesn't think I have lost my marbles?

MrsS and Rose, am angry for you both!

I think that yes we do devalue ourselves but that's (a) because as Lalsy says we're socialised to do it - heaven knows men devalue our contributions too, both domestically and in the workplace - DP is the first bloke I've ever been involved with who doesn't expect me to be as fascinated with his work as he is (b) we have so many damn ideals to live up to. Men can do their work and turn up to the odd parents' evening. Women have to be gorgeous, attentive parents, domestic bloody goddesses and add work onto that. I'm not saying "oh, I blame feminism" - anything but, I'm saying feminism hasn't yet got blokes doing their share.

I do big up DP occasionally. Because he doesn't expect me to be an attentive handmaiden to his career.

Rudy, for today's anniversary.

My father just shouted at me. I'd forgotten what a nasty temper he's always, always had. He keeps hovering over her. She has told us she hates it but we can't get through to him.

Oh dear MI, that sounds very tricky. Is she certain she wouldn't rather be (in a single room) in a hospice? Then he wouldn't be there all the time?

I have no idea. Everyone keeps telling him how lovely she can die at home. She's beyond making a decision now and I am just not talking to him.

It's always been like this, him telling us what to do and flaring up with this viciousness and never apologising but "explaining" why we deserved it "because you must admit you do/are" etc. And only within the home so nobody else ever saw him as a domineering monster (and he had no friends anyway). It's why I cringe if DP gets cross ( the girls react very differently, telling him to get lost, but I never dare). I don't care what stress he is under. He is utterly self-centred and nobody understands that we cannot explain to him that we want him to behave differently

Oh, MI .

Have had sense to fix a drink in the Gin Pub round the corner, with old friends again, tonight (frankly I could just go there anyway, with a book, tomorrow).

He's not going to change now MI...its a stressful situations which rarely brings out the best in people. Old dogs, new tricks.... Sorry he shouted. Its even harder to take when one is on the verge anyway.

I was meeting with colleagues this morning, and we talked about "imposter" syndrome. But I think Rudy's right. We don't help ourselves...ingrained deeply to play down one's successes. I was brought up with the resounding echo of DM's words "Don't blow your own trumpet". These things stick. I'm still terribly hurt by DH though, however earlier comments from Hatty and WAF about how they freeze and panic when asked a question like that do ring true. So they say nothing (like when I get my hair cut...or wear something new) or get it so badly wrong. Its kind of you all to say I'm multi talented. My problem is around feeling like I have actually failed in all this areas. At 55 I am looking back and seeing a person who didn't do much. I imagine many of us will feel like this when one has lived more years than one has got left. Better not to think too deeply about it all and have another gin.

DD has been hanging around me annoyingly. I had to stand over her and force her to message some friends and see if anyone wants an hour or two off revision. She kept saying "no they're all working..." in the end she got three replies and has gone to a local Starbucks to meet up.

On the S&B front, I bought a top and a sweater from M&S this morning after the meeting. top
tabard

these on the other hand are going straight back from whence they came. What was i thinking of????

And MI, completely agree with you about feminism. Enjoy your gin.

Rose, are your dc on holiday? (sorry, being a bit slow).

MI how horrible for you. It's an impossible situation for you and I can see how the process of caring for your mum has been made doubly hard for you with your dfs bullying
Double Personality..
I have to say sadly that my FIL is exactly like him and dh struggles with the same things as you. Just awful. I think you utterly heroic for rising above it with gin.

Did not get jobFeedback was completely as suspected : not enough confidence in one are ( where I do lack direct experience but have many transferable skills) and I failed to sell myself properly on the ONE BLOODY THING I DO WELL . Dunce.

I will not wither though crepeys. I it's taken its toll on me tbh but I will persevere. I just get so damn tired of trying to improved life at this stage .
Rose I also feel the gremlin ' what have I ever done?' running around my head. The answer is perhaps , not much for myself. Lots of crisis management and soothing of disasters & lots of propping up. But not much for me. Start with yourself Rose and make a list. That's what I'm doing anyway. It's got to be more rewarding that doing duty by others.

Whinge over.

crem but there's something better for you around the corner and more fool them for not seeing what you could've done for them. You're right about 'what have I ever done for me?' Perfect example. So called friend, was on the last year's honours list and got an OBE...I was meanwhile, chauffeuring her DC back and forth from the theatre, sorting out their supper before their workshops and dealing with all and sundry....whilst she did groundbreaking stuff and got recognised. I rest my case...

Yes lalsy they have the late "Easter" hols, so broke up just as everyone was going back... and they're only back at school for one week before study leave kicks in.

DD has come back with a friend who is staying for supper....and DD now realises that everyone is in need of a break. Since the text she put out, under great sufferance, she has this arrangement and then another shopping trip booked for tomorrow afternoon...prom dress shopping with a friend. We, of course, have ticked that box

Reminds me of that Life of Brian scene, What Have the Romans Ever Done for us?

Sorry to hear they didn't realise your true fabulousness, Crem. I think for the next interview, approach with attitude of utter wankerish impenetrability, and see how it goes.

Talking of interviews, I'm going to see a teaching agency next week about the HLTA (high level teaching assistant) literacy job. The idea makes me feel all giddy inside. But if I become a TA, am I stopping any further career progression? BLAH BLAH BLAH round and round it goes.

BTW, are crepeys still gathering for a dark and stormy? I think I might be able to join you!

Really Rudy? What brings you to such a lovely place?

Cremo, WTF were they thinking, choosing someone else over you? Clearly you are meant for another, more rewarding job elsewhere.

Herbs, that sounds good!
Rudy, What time are we meeting tomorrow? 5pm?

Current visitor talking about obit for guardian, how amit chaudhuri says most significant anglophone translator in world etc etc. I said we would want to think about it and that the first 50 years of her life were in a different tradition, family/public etc. But what do I know, I'm just the fat white middle aged daughter.