Please help. Hair rut. So fed up. Close to dyeing the fucker blue.

[HazelMcWitch]

I'm forty one but only for a few more weeks.

I have very thick hair that used to be red, but now has faded to a, well, mousy greeny browny shitty faded colour. So I dye it with blonde highlights.

For years I had a dyed red short bob, but I got bored of it because I had to go to the salon more or less once every three weeks to keep it sharp and sort my roots out.

So I had all the red stripped out, grew it into a long bob, and hated it. The bleach killed the condition, it required endless washing and straightening to keep it tidy, and as it's thick and unruly, the minute I stepped out of the door it did its own thing anyway. It took ages to sort out in the mornings and it was all for nought because it always looked shit by 11 am.

So. I had it cut short. First not too short, then a radical undercut pixie thing. I liked it, but my teenagers told me I had 'speak to the manager' hair, which I took to mean no-nonsense middle-aged efficient, sexless hair.

So I tried growing it a bit on top, to make me more feminine.

Well, now I look like Claire Balding. Lovely woman, Claire, but my style icon she ain't. I saw a photograph of myself at a wedding that bore no relation to the woman I feel like inside.

Now I'm at an absolute loss. How does a woman in her forties get decent hair that doesn't scream Denise Welch/Claire Balding?

What the hell do I do? Help, mavens. I need you.

Anyone?

Get theeself a Brazilian blow dry, it will sort the condition right out and stop it being so thick and wavy

I don't think that short thick hair ever looks very good. Can you grow it out again and dye a rich brown instead?

Go back to the cut you liked and ignore the rude teenagers?

I love the 'boyfriend' short bob currently seen on the love interest in The Night Manager.

(Which needs thick hair so you're all right there but would need to blow dry fiercely, straightening at the same time....)

Can you post a pic?

If you're rocking Claire Balding, you're probably not all that far away from something stylish. Can you mess it up a bit with bedhead or similar? Or like you suggest, dye it? Cut it yourself?

I've got short pixieish hair and I'm much older than you. Salons used to make me look like Princess Di. Not a look I wanted!

I tend to cut my own until it gets so bad I have to go to my very undrrstanding hairdresser.

What sort of look do you like?

It's not long enough for a Brazilian blow dry, sadly. Whenever I get it blow-dried, it goes bouffy.

I like the really short pixie look, but at nearly 42 and a size 14, I'm not sure 'pixie' is something I can really aspire to any more.

When I go to the salon, I ask for advice, but they end up saying 'I'll just put a bit more shape in the back and take some of the weight out' so I come out with what's essentially a short back and sides with a side parting.

I do use bedhead to mess it up, but then it literally looks like I just got out of bed.

I can't dye it blue due to my current job. Tempting though

I'll see if I can post a pic...

Brazilian blow drys work on short hair, it just improves the condition of the hair - not like a normal blow dry

Pic.

thick hair is so better than thin espec as hair gets thinner as you get older. Seeing a lot of baldish older women around. Maybe you cant go blue yet, but there are a lot of great colors. What about pink or mauve or peacock.

What about speak to the manager hair with amazing jewellery/scarves and lots of eye makeup.

Yeah, that's what I do, Hazy, but...it seems...middle aged.

Maybe that's what I have to come to terms with.

It's really not Claire Balding! I think you could carry off a pixie cut or even shorter.

I fear my chubby cheeks say otherwise. I don't want to end up looking like I just walked out of Cell Block H.

God, I hate being in my forties. I've lost what tiny little bit of confidence I had.

I keep reading on MN that women over 25 and a size 10 shouldn't have short hair, which totally doesn't help.

You're really pretty!

I don't feel it. I really, really don't.

But thank you.

Now, what shall I do with my fucking hair?

I know nothing about fashion but you have a v nice roundish face - when I googled hairstyles for round faces they showed lots of side partings with the hair across one eye. So you could try growing out the fringe but keep it short. Like whatsit in The Nightmanager.

I think your hair looks lovely. And I'm jealous of the thick hair - mine is pretty thin, especially across the crown. What sort of look do you like? Any specific pixie cuts you like, on real people? If they uave a similar face shape & hair type to you, go for it. Make sure you take a photo to the hairdressers with you & perhaps suggest a decent tip if they do what you want instead of using your hair as their experiment.

I used to have a short pixie cut - about 1 inch at the longest point - it took me about a year to grow out to a shoulder length bob. The only major hassle was regular appointments (every 4-5 weeks) to stop it turning into a mullet. It didn't look particularly scruffy while growing out, which some people suggest.

That's the problem I've had, Hazy.

Whenever I go for the side parting thing, I end up with what essentially is a short back and sides, long on top.

I need a fringe. I've always had one. And now it's the alternative to Botox. 42 is not the age to expose the forehead.

It doesn't help that all my style icons are people like Zoe Ball (I'd KILL for her hair, but the fringe in my eyes would do my head in).

It's like there's a disconnect between what I hope I look like, what I actually look like, and what's possible.

Hate it.

When I try to grow it, it looks dreadful ChocolateEggs. It grows outwards, rather than down.

Hence the endless straightening, to try and tame it.

It's going to have to be a pixie, isn't it? Should I dye it brunette? I've done that before. Quite liked it. It was in a bob though.

If you want to grow it again you will have to get through the 'I have a bush on my head' stage, no way round it I'm afraid, I had short hair for many years but grew it into a chin length bob which I have been very happy with, but growing it was a bugger. Am also 41 and don't think short hair would suit me now.
If you want to keep it short I'd get it thinned out a bit more on the fringe, maybe go for a bit of a slant (don't know technical term but where you fringe kind of goes at a diagonal angle if that makes sense)

Is short hair really out after 40?

Will I look like Denise Welch?

If you want to avoid the Denise Welch look, go dark, especially as you know it suits you.

I think shorter hair looks funkier as you get older. I am older than you and my hair is long but only because I find it difficult to get to the hairdressers regularly.

Denise Welch No you won't because you have a pretty face and she does not!
Not saying short hair is out after 40, just that I wouldn't go back to it, I find my slightly longer hair more flattering, you can do what you like if you are happy with it!