Please help. Hair rut. So fed up. Close to dyeing the fucker blue.

[HazelMcWitch]

I'm forty one but only for a few more weeks.

I have very thick hair that used to be red, but now has faded to a, well, mousy greeny browny shitty faded colour. So I dye it with blonde highlights.

For years I had a dyed red short bob, but I got bored of it because I had to go to the salon more or less once every three weeks to keep it sharp and sort my roots out.

So I had all the red stripped out, grew it into a long bob, and hated it. The bleach killed the condition, it required endless washing and straightening to keep it tidy, and as it's thick and unruly, the minute I stepped out of the door it did its own thing anyway. It took ages to sort out in the mornings and it was all for nought because it always looked shit by 11 am.

So. I had it cut short. First not too short, then a radical undercut pixie thing. I liked it, but my teenagers told me I had 'speak to the manager' hair, which I took to mean no-nonsense middle-aged efficient, sexless hair.

So I tried growing it a bit on top, to make me more feminine.

Well, now I look like Claire Balding. Lovely woman, Claire, but my style icon she ain't. I saw a photograph of myself at a wedding that bore no relation to the woman I feel like inside.

Now I'm at an absolute loss. How does a woman in her forties get decent hair that doesn't scream Denise Welch/Claire Balding?

What the hell do I do? Help, mavens. I need you.

Hmm.

It's the 'mum hair' thing I'm trying to avoid.

Can that be done with clothes, etc?

Yes I'm sure it could, and strong makeup eg eyeliner, mascara. Having said that I dress quite mumsy, don't have time in the mornings to pull together an edgy outfit!

I've got a round face and LOVE my short hair (nearly 49) the attached pic is what I'm going towards when a hairdresser will fucking well LISTEN to me

Recently had red flashes put through the top and got more adventurous with lip colour.

See, what I love about short hair is that I don't have to spend any time on it.

Okay, so how do I avoid the Claire Balding/Mum hair/Denise Welch look, if I do decide to go short?

Lose weight, I guess...

Contrary to popular opinion, dark can be flattering if your are a little older. It reflects the light more, so is shinier. It also doesn't get so parched from bleaching, so is often healthier & less likely to go fluffy.

I personally found that when I had a short pixie, I did need to wear makeup to feel that I looked more feminine - I generally don't wear makeup. But if you tend to wear it anyway that's not an issue.

I think the best advice with style, clothes, hait etc is to find something that suits you & ignore what people say you "should" have.

That's the thing, Chip, they don't fucking listen, do they????

Argh

That's nice, and what I would like to have, but my hair won't play.

I always wear a full face of makeup anyway, so that's no problem.

I do tend to find myself wearing earrings more when my hair is short.

I am a bit of a biker-boot wearer, so do worry that I will look unfeminine.

I've found one but he was off sick last week and I stupidly kept the appt with a different stylist. He knows not to touch my fringe, or my sideburns and to thin, thin and then thin everywhere else some more. If you're anywhere near Birmingham I can recommend him!

Not near Birmingham, sadly.

Sigh.

I want to walk into a salon, and have the hairdresser say, "Right! I know what to do with you!"

And then let them take over and make me look edgy and funky and gorgeous and young

But they don't. I walk in and go..."Well, what can you recommend? This is what I don't want..."

And they go..."Hmm ...shall we just take the back a bit shorter, and thin it out?"

I think you could go dark, yes. Darker and choppier. Don't worry about your face looking round-chop into your fringe and this won't be a problem. Or you could have a side fringe.

I'm a large 12 and sometimes I think I don't suit my short hair, but, as long as there's volume I don't think this is a problem, really.

And biker boots will look great with funky hair.

Okay...dark and choppy. And much shorter.

Well, it's worth a go...

Might it look harsh? I'm very very pale.

..and what's wrong with Denise Welch?

I don't want to look hard.

God, I'm plagued with self doubt over this. Talk about first-world issues.

Nothing wrong with Denise Welch, per se, absolutelynotfabulous.

Great actress, and I'm sure a lovely woman, but a fair bit older than me and not someone I would aspire to emulate, style wise.

Now that is a cracking colour, Beyond

...........ponders

Go darker, not very dark if you don't want to, but maybe chestnut then you can increase the intensity of colour over time (it's much easier to go darker than to try and shift dark colour)

What's your line of work Hazel do you need a certain look?
Blue hair would not go down well for me at work

I work in a school, but soon I'll be working for myself, so will probably go mad and end up looking like a superannuated Toyah

Thank you ducky but I don't feel it.

I think my forties have hit my confidence.

I would stay blonde, but maybe get golden shades put in.

If it's thick, you could ask the hairdresser to thin it out as she cuts it. You could keep it shorter at the back and grow the layers down gradually, if you want to try it longer. You would need to keep going for it trimmed very regularly to get it down, it took me about two years to get mine all one length again from the length yours is now.

I like your hair colour Too dark will drain your pale complexion.

Grow fringe into a longer side swept style ,just past cheekbones, and keep back short. Alternatively, go for a broken fringe that is chopped into so not a hard line.

If you want to grow it, grow out the top and sides and keep the back short until you acheive an inverted bob.

Yes, if I was to grow it I'd go for the inverted bob.

Sideswept fringe would be nice, but I can't stand hair in my face.

Can I just start by saying you're a very attractive woman and could definitely carry off a shorter style!
I would say choppier, maybe shorter back and sides and how about longer top with layers but going into a side fringe? I think a warm chocolate brown would suit u, it would make your eye colour pop. If you want funky you could maybe have choc brown all over with some chunky blonde highlights at front?