Page 9 | Crepe Fear!

MrsSchadenfreude · 15/10/2015 19:10

MI - so sorry about the awful news. Nothing really to add to what others have said. I have been there, when my father got his terminal prognosis, and my mother saying brightly "So what treatment are you going to try next? We're going on holiday next month to Sri Lanka." I have no sensible suggestions for your father, but maybe get some ready meals in the freezer?

Stropps - much strength. School have been utterly shite.

Rose, dress looked good. You have great legs.

And welcome, Cressetmama.

Stropperella · 15/10/2015 19:17

Oh MI, that's miserable. I know you were pretty much expecting things to be Not Good, but that's just so hard. Especially having to deal with your df's denial as well.
I remember my dm's shock and upset when the medics came and said that all they could offer my df was palliative care. She just felt that everyone, including df himself, wasn't trying hard enough. This was her defence mechanism at the time.

Hello Cresset. Nice to see another West Country crepey. :) My dog has recently taught himself to do a special dance in front of the fridge when dh is in the kitchen, as this always gets dh's attention and results in Stropdog getting some nice treat from the fridge. Dh is not a dog person, but Stropdog finally won him over with his bizarre antics.

Re: dd - in fairness to the school, dd is an exceptionally tricky person to help, as she is big on denial and will not engage properly with anyone if she feels she is being put on the spot. If accosted by anyone in authority, she puts on a good front, says what she thinks they want to hear and then goes away and usually does the complete opposite to whatever she told them she was going to do. In conversations with the tutors and HoY, she neither says what she means nor means what she says. And is always hugely angry with anyone who suggests she needs "help". But she won't express her anger to them. She will just smile grimly and then come home for a massive rage against the world. She is Not Happy about the idea of the meeting with the HoY and hasn't come home yet this evening.

Lalsy · 15/10/2015 19:21

Yes, I think denial is a very common coping mechanism, and one can see why. It is also very unfair as it leaves those facing facts to try to plan for the future, alone. I am glad you have your dsis, MI.

Cremo · 15/10/2015 19:25

Oh Fuck MI I'm sorry, so sorry. I have. Df and dm who live in Denial as well. It's no fun, and I'm sorry you will have to suffer too. Not sure about the oncologists terminology. Why can't they just tell you in standard language, instead of making it sound like an Alien Invasion.
Drink the wine and think about things tomorrow with dsis. You need a break tonight.

Stropps, bloody Nora. I am reading your post and wondering if dd has been referred in the past to MH services. I don't think she'll be able to do anything without an assessment and then support. It seems to me that until she gets some help in that regard, nothing will land butter side up. Have you spoken to the teachers who are putting the red flags on her file? What do they think? That self sabotage is very familiar to me with my own dd.
I'm so desperately sorry for you and how worn thin and exhausted you must feel. PM me any time.xx

Bonsoir Cresset and enchantee.
Your doggy sounds great. Pic please if you can. We could do with something cute to cheer us up.

BTM - I wish my dps were biddable but they still imagine dsis and I are 12 despite pushing 50. They do not listen to anything we say or take it seriously at all. They will insist on being independent to the end. Mum will probably send me a text when Dad goes, maybe the day after. I mean it. [sigh]

Stropperella · 15/10/2015 19:46

Crem, there have been 2 Camhs referrals in the past and 2 refusals to engage with them, and 4 years ago dd expressed suicidal thoughts to a friend and the friend reported it to a teacher. The school "counsellor" dealt with it very clumsily, which effectively resulted in dd saying she would never trust any adult in school again. Also, the info about her dad's suicide is taken into account and there was earlier medical stuff for her directly related to her dad's death and the death of my df (and various other things which all happened in the same year). And she did see a psychologist at that point, but refused to talk to them even then. So quite frankly, as she isn't a problem ever in class, I don't think they know where to start with her and they never have done. But they've not been the only ones. Neither of her two previous schools were any better. She's nice and quiet and doesn't disrupt anyone else's learning, so is mostly easy to ignore.

cressetmama · 15/10/2015 19:51

MI, if a newbie may be so bold as to use your nickname, may I add my to the others on here. A horrible day for you.

motherinferior · 15/10/2015 19:55

Thank you, Cresset and others.

It happens, dammit. All v wearing. Anyone seen Rudy lately?

motherinferior · 15/10/2015 19:58

In an aside am v impressed with these clever dogs. Our cats range from not very bright to stunningly thick.

Blackduck · 15/10/2015 20:26

Stropps sorry
MI - very crap - so sorry....

Welcome newcomers .....

Rewriting a restaurant menu....

bigTillyMint · 15/10/2015 20:31

Rudy's waiting for The Apprentice to come on. With Herbs, virtually

NUFC69 · 15/10/2015 20:35

So sorry, MI, I will be thinking about you. I hope you and DSis find the strength to cope.

Welcome, Cresset.

The garden will probably take several weeks to put to bed - at least DH has already planted some bulbs. We are surrounded by trees and if we don't get up the leaves they will paddle into the house all winter, then there are all the bedding plants to get up and winter flowering pansies to plant.

Dental hospital tomorrow.

herbaceous · 15/10/2015 20:42

The apprentice was last night! Unless it's on tonight as well... I can't take it. The Obnoxious Wanker quotient is too high.

So sorry about your mum MI. There is really nothing redeeming about this news. How did she take it?

Our cat used to be clever - could open the fridge and get out food - but now is deaf and stupid. If he can't find me he yowls around the house until he can, rather than just going to where I normally am. Or just shutting the F up.

Last minute panicking prep for interview. As per usual. Fear I may be utterly shit. Ditto.

motherinferior · 15/10/2015 20:47

She was rather shocked - hadn't known that the variety of nasty things that have afflicted her are in fact produced by the cancer; but I think has gone through a lot of thinking in the past year. I don't know if she's fully aware that things could go v wrong v quickly.

Onc's mum is also dying of cancer. Poor bugger.

bigTillyMint · 15/10/2015 20:55

Good Luck Herbs. What's this one for again?

MI, perhaps it's better to not be fully aware? There's only so much one can take.

herbaceous · 15/10/2015 21:29

I think a certain level of ignorance can be bliss.

BTM - not surprised you're confused. I certainly am! Interview is for a sessional job in adult education - teaching functional skills English.

Blackduck · 15/10/2015 21:40

Okay everyone - and I mean everyone - listen up. Lots of not good stuff going so I challange you all - and I AM watching to find some time this weekend for yourself. 10 minutes, 1 hour , a day (really? Tell me how you get a day?!) and treat yourself. Spray you best special 'occasion' perfume, wear your 'best' clothes, stop in a coffee shop (alone) and savour the moment. Whatever... Seriously carve that time out. We all need it.

Stop and smell the flowers....

MrsSchadenfreude · 15/10/2015 22:03

Yes Miss.

Blackduck · 15/10/2015 22:13

I am modelling myself on Miss Jean Brodie...

And I am serious

We are all very bad at this, so find a moment, make a moment.... And hey, report back :)

magimedi · 15/10/2015 22:22

So sorry for all the shit so many of you are going through.

Stropps - DC's do eventually grown up, I thought mine never would but thye do eventually make it out to 'the other side'.

MI - just huge sympathy & virtual gin winging your way - so tough & no answer to it.

And I 100% agree with BD - you must take that ten minutes. It is VITAL. Life will go on & you have to be fit for it.

Very big hugs all round.

(And welcome to Cresset - I am now 3 rungs up the ladder from being the newbie!)

Chillywhippet · 15/10/2015 22:31

Blackduck I will book haircut tomorrow. Need dry skin scraped off feet. Shame it can't be done at same time.

Dresses - interesting body con vs skimming discussion. Just bought this for friends wedding at end of month. It feels like party dress so could wear at Christmas. Not a shape I'd normally wear

www.johnlewis.com/store/coast-lori-may-short-dress-grape/p2067336?navAction=jump

BeachysFlipFlops · 15/10/2015 23:11

So sorry to hear your mum's news, MI. It's too hard when you are far away.
I'm bringing flowers for everyone's weekend.
My garden is not ready to be put to bed yet....

MrsSchadenfreude · 15/10/2015 23:12

I have to wind up my current job tomorrow. It was all on track until I got sick and now I am all behind. I have four (IV, 4) UN documents ("some light background reading") to do for my new job, have just remembered I am supposed to fill in forms for computer account (haven't done that obv, and won't get done before tomorrow now, which will be too late for Monday). I have my old team from Paris descending on me on Thursday for curry and lengthy coaching session on Wednesday (I am coaching, not being coached, which would obviously be better). I have three meetings in my diary for Monday already, first with external people, and this is a subject I know nothing about. And the Shitten crapped on the hall floor this morning, first time in months and months and months.

We should all go out and get blind drunk.

Cremo · 15/10/2015 23:42

Love the colour of coast dress Cresset. Gorgeous.
Hi Chilly.
Beachy is it still high summer chez vous? We are so autumnal up here in the northern wastes. Even with longer dry days. Frost is in the air. Electric blanket tonight.

Stropps, I'm just so sorry and pissed of that its all on you, and that you are having to think about all of it , all the time. You can't make her, I understand that. In fact ime you sort of become a consultant when they hit 16 or so. It's so hard to stand back, but if you can, you won't regret it.

Miss BD is right. I am aiming for a nanosecond around 3am. Working all weekend. Blee.

Sleep well Hags , and dream a dreamless sleep.

Auriga · 16/10/2015 00:28

Stropps I wrote you a long and heartfelt post but sadly on my phone on a train. I see it hasn't appeared. But it included

Mainly just reminding you how much you're doing by being there, thinking about DD, not retaliating when she's awful but setting fair limits (like calling police when she goes too far) and sticking alongside her when she'll let you. It's good mothering.

Molly I also wanted to thank you for a great evening out and to recommend Liars' League to everyone else.

And to say welcome Cresset

MI, sorry to hear your news. My DM, too, could die any time. If she's a bit late up I go to her room in trepidation. Doesn't stop me being annoyed by her awful behaviour at times. Disappointed that I can't rise above it more but there you are.

No up-beating of self.

Beachy, I am going to mind what Miss says and paint my fingernails tomorrow

CointreauVersial · 16/10/2015 01:04

Blimey, Beachy - your garden is blooming marvellous.

Pretty dress, cressetmama.

MI. Sorry the news wasn't better.