Feeling quite aggressive about ageing

[FluffyCubs]

So

Got a face fulla fillers but I just need radical.
I'm saving for a facelift
And bought a dermastamp
And am now considering ingesting untested c60 to combat ageing, even joined a bit of a cranky forum (longecity)

Anybody else being quite obsessed and stepping beyond creams etc?

Yes if there are no absolutes, everything in human life is is of human construction, including beauty.

Why bother with vanity?
It keeps me amused and it has some benefits for me, as does being very health conscious.
I want to live and remain healthy for as long as possible.
I find life very interesting and I want to see as much of the future as possible ?

I think you can give a shit and keep it in perspective I don't really care if all beauty stuff became unavailable tomorrow but its something I enjoy but am not a slave to. It is not always insecurity

Say you have botox for a few years, then decide you don't want to do it anymore, you stop and your face gradually aligns itself with the picture in the attic.
No harm done, no irreversible changes, ok you spend half an hour 3 times a year getting it done, hardly a big time investment is it!
Same goes for fillers. ?

I just don't get it. I mean, I sort of understand why film stars etc feel tempted to have themselves surgically 'improved ' - their job is so tied up with the way they look. And it must be hard to ignore all the comments in the media about their appearance.

But I don't really understand why normal women do it. I mean, surely anyone you know knows how old you are and is used to what you look like. So do you do it for strangers?

If I noticed that someone I knew had had work done, I'd be and wonder why they felt they needed to.

It's not just the lines though is it? Botox would work for a bit but the sagging and thinning lips mean you would then need implants and then poss a full facelift. I hate getting old but there is eff all I can do about it.

I think just Judy Dench and Helen Mirren look good. I suspect they have had a bit of work but still look natural.

But I don't really understand why normal women do it. I mean, surely anyone you know knows how old you are and is used to what you look like. So do you do it for strangers?

I will tell you why.

OP, let me guess. You were (and no doubt are) a very attractive woman. You got a lot of comments in your twenties, thirties about how attractive you are, your gorgeous face, your beautiful body. You were always aware of men admiring your looks, and women too. And the gradual loss of that attention has hit you hard and you are trying to get it back.

When I was in my twenties, I would walk in to a meeting, a restaurant, get on the tube, and I would often be aware of people looking at me. I was told by men that I was dating that I was beautiful. I looked in the mirror and I could see that I was very attractive. My skin, hair, body, were a picture of health. It was assumed I was a model a few times.

In my thirties and now with young children, and I feel and look the difference. I feel a bit down about it. ATM, using creams etc, but absolutely not averse to Botox later. When your have had 'it', it is bloody difficult to come to terms with losing 'it'

yep and you can keep your version of 'it' no matter how old you are however you like!

Yes pissed off here too. I have dabbed with botox which makes me feel miles better and when finances are improved later this year I will have it again. I am 37 and have alot of lines for my age!

Today 13:17 Enjoyingmycoffee1981

what she said ^

I suspect that some people are expressing and trying to rationalize their gut reaction about the idea of changing your face, as if it is a way of disguising who you 'really' are, or pretending to be something that you aren't.

Surely it comes down to where you draw the line, what is the natural unaltered state of a person?
What does your 'essential' or 'real' self look like?
No make up, no hair dye?
what about straightening teeth, whitening teeth?

I sometimes feel like I'm going to give up trying completely, but I can't quite give up.......... I hate going out looking like an old drudge.

I "dialogue" my way out of the depression by reminding myself that I don't want to look 25 again, I'd settle for how I looked five years ago very happily. So, it can't be THAT bad can it?

I just want to look healthy. I think as I get older I'm going to settle for that. Feeling healthy and BEING healthy obviously. I am not going to waste a forture on fillers etc.

I am allowed to grow old.

enjoyingmycoffee I disagree with that. The loss of youth is still shocking for the more ordinary amongst us.

I learnt early on not to rely on men's approval to feel good. But I did enjoy experimenting with different looks, and that sense that the young are entitled to try anything and get it wrong. I enjoyed the fact that no matter how average I looked, I was still YOUNG.

Maybe I'm dealing with it better than a beautiful woman because the 'training' had to start earlier but it still hurts to age.

Also, youth isn't all about beauty, there was a sense of going somewhere and young people all being in it together, no baggage, life's a clean slate, all opportunities will be considered................ it was a club. Club Young. The beautiful weren't its only members you know Now when I start a new job, nobody even looks up. I'm 45. When I was 25, starting a new joy, the other 'young people' would have thought, new member. And you always had that feeling that there was another bus around the corner.

You don't have to be beautiful to feel like a fully paid up member of that club. Except you don't realise it til it's over.

Things kind of go back to that once your dc are at uni or much older I have more time for myself and things I love etc and lots of my friends are the same and quitting jobs and starting new ones/businesses a lot! You can look as good as you can and you do have to put more effort in but its still fun and not serious!

Hah - yes, Enjoyingmycoffee, you are probably right. As a not-unattractive-but-fairly-average-looking person, I suppose I don't suffer from that sense of loss!
I guess I'm fairly 'lucky' though, in that I probably look a little bit younger than I am. 43 and have only one grey hair that I have noticed and not much in the way of wrinkles yet. But I don't plan on doing anything about them when I do get them. Hair dyeing I am undecided about. It's non - invasive and doesn't seem a major thing as I've dyed it before. Hard to stop once you start though, I suppose.

I didn't have any wrinkles at 43 either, I'd imagine most men and women don't really see much facial aging until mid to late 40's

I'm seeing far more men with botox just lately, I think the pressure to look young is increasing for men

Yes I had botox by mistake initially aged 47 I went with a friend to hold her hand and the doctor she saw said it wouldn't work for her as her lines were sun damage and said it was only for dynamic lines He knew just looking at me that my forehead lines were from not wearing my glasses and there was a definite difference between my upper and lower face as apart from forehead I am pretty much unlined It was amazing I had a tiny amount and within a week just looked so rested I felt rested.I had twice a year for 2 years then stopped. Haven't had this year and not sure I will again but if you have a good practitioner and don't expect to turn back time its effective.

That's the thing - it's very hard to imagine yourself with grey hair, wrinkles or a sagging face until it actually happens. I didn't imagine that I would have fillers when I was 40, because my skin hadn't, at that point, started to sag and I didn't have tear troughs then. When that stuff happens, it can really affect your self-esteem. It's a choice then between accepting it or having something minor done that gets rid of the worst of it. For me, I'd rather dye my hair (although I've done that since I was a teen anyway, so no big deal for me), and have a few very subtle fillers that make me feel better about myself. My choice. It won't suit everyone, but I am surprised at the amount of vitriol on here by some posters, towards those of us who make that choice.

I am surprised at the amount of vitriol on here by some posters, towards those of us who make that choice

me too, and I have found that women who take measures to reduce facial aging are often attacked on MN as if they have committed some crime against those who prefer to age 'naturally'

Why do they care so much, surely if you don't have botox etc you are not affected in any way by those who do?

Well we're all effected in a way in that it distorts society's idea of what ageing should look like. And some people who don't give two hoots about their appearance are accused of 'letting themselves go'.

Crystal, are you saying that the 'grow old gracefully' women (GOGs) are cross with the 'prevent all wrinkles' (PAWs) because it makes the GOGs feel under pressure to do something that they dont want to do?

wow, i'm really stunned at the train of thought that ageing is easier for women who aren't beautiful.

Also, 43, you're still hanging in there. I've only very recently felt like my face is falling down! (at 45)

I think you can be graceful and look after yourself I don't get the vitriol either

suzanne I'm no beauty puritan and intend to go to my coffin with some Nars Schiap plastered on my cold dead 90 year old lips but I can understand the argument that cosmetic surgery becoming more widespread puts both GOGs and PAWs under more pressure.

The GOGs will be thought to look aged beside their PAW contemporaries. And the PAWs might get caught on the tiring hamster wheel of botox and filler upkeep.

Not that the GOGs will feel under pressure to submit to botox but that people will be more judgemental in a 'Oh I wonder why she doesn't get those wrinkles taken care of' kind of way.