Maybe Yes, Maybe No, May Be Crepey

[QueenQueenie]

Unilateral decision... No space for consultation. Call me Dave...

I v much recognise the attention thing. I will admit there have been times when I have been deeply tempted to run off with someone who would actually have a conversation with me. And, you know, listen to what I've got to say.

In S&B news, M&S has a 20 per cent off code.

So after half an hour's online "chat" to an advisor, I can use my outbound ticket on the 27th, but have to send my return tickets back for a refund... and I have managed to book a new return ticket for the 28th. I bet they call the strike off now.

So BD, I will now be here on the Tuesday night (but not the Wed) if you are here?!

Sorry, BTM, they have called off the strike.......

I have friends to have conversations with, who listen to what I have to say, that's enough for me.

My mother did everything and worked (due to ddad's sight) and there was never any doubt who was in charge! I doubt she ever felt ignored. I don't often feel ignored, I just shout louder - that seems to get their attention. I also dig my heels in quite a lot .

I know Beachy, one of my colleagues just told me. However, it is not clear whether they will be running all the trains (Virgin) yet. Grrrrrrrrr

No hearing aids.

Hairdresser: 'How long do you want it?'
Mum: 'About twelve years.'
Hairdresser: 'Have you been here before?'
Mum: 'Sheffield.'

I don't feel exactly ignored I wish I communicated nicerer though

WAF I'm afraid I'm not much better!

It now looks like the trains are back on for the 25/26th. So it looks like Plan A is back on and I have to try to get an unwanted ticket refunded....

Tilly you must be going nuts…what a business

WAF…try this….it's from ages ago which makes me realise how long by DM has been deaf…

Friend: Have you seen the new deli in town?
DM: No, we don't each much Indian…

My lot dig a fall out shelter when I shout…(the vocal training comes in handy,) but it doesn't quite get me the right sort of attention.

BTM, I'll join in the deaf corner. WAF

Dh will listen to me for hours. It's just that he has a neat habit of switching his ears off if I'm saying something he doesn't want to hear. :) He also says a lot of nice things to me all the time. It's just that I don't believe them. And anyway, he clearly has v low standards.

I am sometimes listened to attentively, sometimes ignored utterly, even if I am addressing DP directly. This drives me Hog Wild. So naturally I just go off huffing somewhere, rather than addressing the issue.

But I don't feel ignored in general - I feel my presence in the family is about the right proportion, IYKWIM. I spent most of my life feeling very insubstantial and almost invisible, and probably caused quite a lot of upset on the way. I couldn't believe that I had any power over anyone, or anything.

If anyone tries to ignore me at home, they don't get away with it DH also switches his ears off most of the time, but I am a Primary school teacher, and I always make him listen in the end

Late to the Butterfly thread - I do remember her sprinkling cornflakes - I think Wilbur nailed it in that her lover made her feel like a person in her own right again.

Rose - very annoying DH re computer - mine knows betters than to try this.

Herbs - is your DH mine? I sometimes feel totally ignored and then he will say he hasn't been told something. Best was last week when he said wine or beer? I said wine as we may as well finish off the lunchtime bottle and he came out with beer.

I am sometimes listened to, usually for a few months after I have pointed out that I am not being listened to. dh is probably the ignored one in this household. He works too much, which carries an invisibility cloak of its own. ds is listened to because he...I dunno...he is just engaging and usually thinks before he speaks. dd talks all the time, we only listen to some of it.

I agree with Wilbur re Butterflies. Why do men belittle women? Is it insecurity?

I think it was - I did a male-dominated degree, followed by some years in very male dominated workplace and definitely thought so then. Now, has it also become a pattern, a trope, a reflex action, something almost subconscious and often accepted, even in circles where overt sexism would not? I dunno.

Discourse very important. Female/male discourse. Interesting stuff - see it all the time. Woman says something - ignored. Man says it - round of applause....

Spent second half of my twenties with comedy producers and writers in pubs. My bon most would get laughs - once they had been repeated by blokes. I would add more beer and get louder. That sometimes worked.

BD, if you are in town on Tuesday, I'd be up for a drink. Possibly a soft one with a sour face but liquid refreshment of some kind, definitely.

MrsS what is this 'soft' drink of which you speak?
Tuesday looking good now train strike is cancelled. Just need to sort out logistics...

BTM - there is obviously a link between the listening schools of primary children and grown men. You need to teach us some techniques.

Mrs S - I was very aggrieved when I met up with a friend at her house at 5 pm last Friday "for a drink" and she proposed me a cup of tea. Am I wrong in thinking "come for a drink" means a glass of wine? Otherwise one must say "cup of tea". Anyway I was greatly disappointed so psyched up was I for my first Friday night glass.

YWNBU, Hatty. 'Drink' means booze. A cup of tea is just part of a normal visit, and does not require highlighting.

So, seems like MiL has lymphoma, and has about two years. From what I can gather from DP's rather garbled email. I can't quite believe he's going to lose both parents to cancer within a couple of years of each other.

Herbs. That is just awful. I am so sorry.

Slightly more cheerily, my mum phoned me yesterday v excited because she can get down the steps to the kitchen - and thus also to the accessible bathroom and the garden. This is majorly good news and I am vv pleased for her not least because I can go on getting annoyed by her without guilt. She sounds like herself again. She can now deal with stoma stuff in privacy and dignity, attempt a spot of cooking and pretty soon have a shower.

I probably should send her physio - who also insisted they install proper grab rails - some chocolates...

And Molly's and my friend is doing fertility treatment again: please please clutch everything for her.

Clutching, MI. That's good news re your DM…..i guess there's just no getting around a protracted recovery period after major surgery. Slowly…slowly…

I'm sorry Herbs re your MIL. Have they staged the disease? These people helped me a lot when I was diagnosed.

lymphoma association

Hatty yes, a drink means a drink. A cuppa means a cuppa!

I am making cheesecake, Victoria sponge and scones for DDad's birthday on Sunday. He seems ok in himself but the accidents are getting worse. DM is only just coping. Then on Bank Hol Monday it is DD's 15th birthday. She's going to Pizza Express with friends. On Tues we're off to Sussex for a bit. Wed is DH's birthday

Make him something with LARD, Rose. Kosher lard, obvs.

Herbs so very very sorry.

MI I have ordered DH chinos from Boden…I imagine some people in S&B might see that as a suitably bad taste present….