Maybe Yes, Maybe No, May Be Crepey

[QueenQueenie]

Unilateral decision... No space for consultation. Call me Dave...

God Herbs, How awful.

Molly, I'm not sure how to read your post about being orally raped as a teenager and feel unsure how to respond - whilst not wanting to ignore what you've written. If you mean that literally then that is totally shocking and horrific. If you mean it more metaphorically then that is obviously still terrible, but different, iykwim.

Oh Herbs . I am so sorry.

Molly, shocking and awful.

Molly and Herbs :(

Herbs - how very very rubbish. It's just monumentally rubbish.....

Molly - like QQ said not sure how to respond to that, but don't want to ignore.

2 day as in 5:2 (i.e. 500 calories only - wants to gnaw own arm off....)

Herbs, so sorry to hear about your MIL.

I guessed that, BD!

Well done Rose! I'm not at all.

Molly

Molly, I agree that in your situation a holistic dentist is absolutely what you need. I'm sorry to hear of your experience.

Oh Herbs, your poor dp. It's very tough.

I have a tiny, very fierce hygienist who scares me shitless....but I have won her over recently by getting a good report on my teeth. I have discovered the joys of Dr Barman's double headed toothbrush, which allows me to brush the inside of my back teeth without threatening sick noises.....I bought it as a gimmick in an airport, but it has revolutionised my teeth routine. Scary Hygienist says I can have my teeth whitened if me and Dr Barman keep working together

So sorry Molly.

I'm wondering if a not dissimilar experience is behind my phobia of the smear test. Even thinking about it gets me all tearful. I wonder if they could knock me out with a tranquilliser dart?

Between us, Molly and I have done something of a buzzkill. Sorry about that. Maybe I should show you some more coats.

Herbs, it might be worth asking your if the practice has a nurse who specialises in smears for reluctant patients - some do I think (people can have had all sorts of things happen to them that mean they are scared or anxious). I once had a nurse who encouraged me to put the speculum in myself - she said she did that with anyone who looked game for it (god knows what that meant ), and it was much easier and more comfortable. I got a dentist who dealt with scared patients once on request and he was fab too.

Oh good grief everyone. Molly that sounds very frightening even if it was in the past. Hope this hasn't unearthed traumatic memories. Hugs xx

herbs so sorry that MIL has received such a distressing diagnosis and truly sorry for unwittingly rabbiting on about my remission. It's just such a build up and then such a relief....had to share.

ConS and I have a lovely time brainstorming storylines for Project No 2 and are watching various YouTube clips and DVDs for research. We are also wading into very painful and dangerous psychological territory by agreeing to list and share our personal memories of feeling ignored / invisible. I then watched some clips of Wendy Craig in Carla Lane's sitcom, Butterflies and despite the canned laughter, burst into loud sobs.

I have also had my first diet free day in nearly four months and the bread-eating orgy is better than sex. Oh yes. I suspect the consequential farting won't be though.

Sorry, I shouldn't have dropped it in like that - it's in my mind because it was when I was the same age as dd is now, and people always say she looks just like I did then. I kind of get fed up with sitting on secrets, so I just typed it. I did mean literally; and it was horrific, but please don't feel awful, anyone! It took me ages to work out why I was dentaphobic - duh. And I am so, so grateful to my lovely dentist.

Sorry to hear about your MIL, herbs.

Yes...coats...or weeds...I am pulling out lots of them...metaphorically and literally...

Looks like it's adenocarcinoma, which has spread to the spine. They don't yet know whereabouts the adenocarcinoma is, and thus what to do next. Still, at least DP and his family actually saw a doctor, for the first time, who sat them down, looked them in the eye, said what they were trying to do and why it was difficult. It's taken long enough.

Poor DP. He only buried his father in April last year.

That's awful for DP, Herbs.

Molly, I'm glad to understand better what you meant - it's very brave of you to say that on here (or anywhere) and I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you. Not at all surprised that your dd being the same age brings such a trauma to the surface.

Bloody Hell Herbs, how utterly crap and awful. Poor mil and poor dh.

Oh Molly. And Herbs.

Herbs, the nurse at our practice is vv gentle indeed. It would not necessarily overcome your entirely understandable fear but honestly, she's given me two smears that I hardly felt and in our conversations she was clearly aware of some of the very invasive implications of the procedure.

In other news I effing hate computers. Crashing bastards. I feel I have got v little done all day as most efforts have gone on resuscitating dead files. And now even if I could face working DP is on a Skype call about a topic that you will of course never guess.

Thanks, QQ. I have found the MN We Believe You campaign very helpful - that's partly I think why I just dropped it in, because I have read so many MNers' accounts that it almost feels like hardly any female MNers have been spared such an experience iyswim. So I was kind of saying: you know, that thing, which we all experienced. Too common by half.

Yes Herbs, See if you can talk to a Practice Nurse about it at your GP's. I've had some painful smears in the past and said this when I went recently. The nurse took the time to explain about changes in the procedure - apparently they now 'brush' rather than 'scrape' to take some cells - she showed me the 'brush' and it wasn't scary looking. More importantly it didn't hurt. You really should go you know.... Yes, of course I know you know that

Well I do completely believe you Molly.

And I agree it's important to speak out if you feel able and not to be left alone with something horrific like this, as if it's your shameful secret when it's nothing of the sort... It is indeed completely shocking how many women have suffered some form of sexual violence and how society as a whole would prefer not to think about this.

Molly, thank you for explaining and I know exactly what you mean about your dd. I agree about the campaign, and was also appalled at the stories that came out.

I am glad people are now called on victim-blaming more often - I remember being very shocked when I was younger at how often women would blame each other, sometimes quite subtly. Still too much of it though.

Well said, QQ.

Herbs, how unbearably awful for your dp, I am so sorry.

Just caught up with thread. Molly - agree entirely with what QQ just said - that it is quite frightening how widespread sexual violence is. I can quite understand your anger and fear for your daughter.

Herbs - that is absolutely dreadful for your MiL and poor DH.

Here DH is back from Greece - with a cold! I do not want him near me as inspite of freezing weather here I am fine. I think he has been doing too much of his dodgy dancing in nightclubs.

Molly - how awful.

Herbs - so sorry to hear about MIL. Poor DP.

The nurse who did it last time was fairly nice to start with - nice enough to make me blub - but rather brisk. It didn't help that I had six-week-old DS in with me at the time, and when I shouted out (it hurt that much), he started crying, and the whole thing was super-stressful. The nurse helpfully said 'it's not supposed to hurt, you must have something wrong with you'.

Herbs, that sounds highly unprofessional of her It may not be "supposed" to hurt, but if it does, for whatever reason, then she should be caring enough to apologise and calm you down.

Sorry to hear about your MIL too - your DH must be reeling.

Molly, agree with you and the others. It is nothing for YOU to be ashamed of - you did nothing wrong, and a phobia of dentists is highly understandable.

And in today's cancer news friend with brain tumour Very Much Not In A Good Way...

...it's the gift that just keeps giving, innit.

Hola guapas! Back from the best time in sunny Spain. Sadly DS welcomed me home by throwing up all night so Brian was put to good use. I am off work today and needy I do jobs but hope to catch up properly soon.

A quick skim has revealed sad cancer news for MI and herbs. Thinking of you both. And Molly, so sorry to read of your experience

Back soon.

Hola Monty!

The cat has just peed on the post. Including several quite important things.

Hola MC!

MI sorry to hear about your friend.

Here I am finding motivation hard. Keeping going and putting things in place is tricky when you have no idea it's all going to pan out. They could chuck it all up in the air.... Ahhhhh....

Damn damn damn .

Sorry - bit of a vent there