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Original poster

Black to a wedding

30 replies

jamtoast12 · 01/12/2014 12:07

Hi

I have a family members wedding just before Xmas and wander if it's appropriate for me to wear a black dress? I can't find anything else I like in the shops currently! And the dress I have is gorgeous.

It's completely black with sheer sleeves and flowery detail on chest - so detailed but all black, bit of a cocktail dress style.

The wedding is obviously winter style in a function type hall, really nice place. It's also at 4pm so it will be dark. I expect all photos etc will be inside. I'm just not sure as it's a wedding! I could accessories but the dress will be black only with say bright (though not too bright as that would clash) bag, shoes and earrings etc.

What you think?!

OP posts:
dexter73 · 01/12/2014 12:12

I think it is fine. I have worn black dresses to a couple of weddings and nobody seemed to mind and there were others in black too. I wore black shoes and had a black clutch.

AuntieStella · 01/12/2014 12:17

I wouldn't.

Many people think it is inappropriate (though are unlikely to say so to your face).

Do you really have nothing else?

Jackie0 · 01/12/2014 12:19

No, absolutely not.
There was a thread on this a while back.
Basically its an insult to the bride and people do indeed notice.

dexter73 · 01/12/2014 12:33

My brother and sister in law didn't see it as an insult when I wore black to their wedding. I think it quite old fashioned to see black as innappropriate as it is quite a common sight now.

toptrumps1 · 01/12/2014 12:33

Absolute tosh, of course its fine, I've worn black to several weddings, as did a significant number of other guests. All sorts of weddings too, church, manor house, country barn place, formal, informal.....

Black outfits are not all the same, a conservative black two piece blazer suit with low heels and no jewellery would of course look funereal, a cocktail style dress with a bit of embellishment, high heels and lovely clutch and/or sparkly jewellery will be great for an evening winter wedding. In fact you'd stand out more in pastels I reckon.

The only outfit insulting to the bride would be a white wedding dress. I would put money on her not even noticing what you wear. Have a lovely time.

CheersMedea · 01/12/2014 12:48

No - it's bad manners because black is the colour of mourning.

Also (and this is more important) many people - particularly older people - regard it as a bad luck. Even if the bride and groom don't care, you don't want to upset Great Aunt Hilda.

Good manners are about not offending people or running that risk. People may not say anything to your face but could be judging you silently!

Original poster
jamtoast12 · 01/12/2014 13:24

I do wander if it's an age thing? I don't believe it to be bad luck and the bride herself I know wouldn't mind as she's modern and doesn't give two hoots about tradition (hence second wedding, not church, no kids etc) and the associations with funerals I think is completely outdated now, most people I know don't even wear black to funerals now.

I'm mid thirties and I've been to loads of weddings where people wear black ....but they've been mainly only invited to the evening do (where you can totally get away with it IMO) but as I'm family I'm going in the day hence why I'm questioning it. I def would look bad in pastels etc as it'll be dark from the start. I did fancy something purple or red but most of the outfits around are very glittery party dresses which, even in the right colour, may be a bit too Party-ish for a day wedding?

Hmm need to ask bride I think. It's my sister so she'll tell me straight. Thanks for opinions so far.

OP posts:
ToffeePenny · 01/12/2014 14:37

I think you'll be fine. Black is often a colour for bridesmaids now so I think it can be safely considered free from a stigma of not being a 'wedding colour'. Check with your sister anyway though just in case she's chosen it for maids (I do this with any block colour dress to avoid looking like a wannabe bridesmaid).

If any 'olds' with black aversion comment on it on the day, just say it is very very very dark blue :)

bryonyelf · 01/12/2014 18:16

Frankly tell the bride to do one.....that is if she notices. Wear what you like. I despise these threads. You are a grown up. I couldn't tell you what anyone wore to my wedding.

Oh and I have good manners.

WildBillfemale · 01/12/2014 19:13

Black is the colour of mourning

Sorry but anothers wedding is no time to push your views on wearing black. The fact that there are strong views on this thread should indicate that it's not universally accepted as OK.
Play it safe,don't try and make a statement tbh why would you even risk upsetting the bride at a wedding?

candykane25 · 01/12/2014 22:56

If you plan a winter wedding I think you'll not have a problem with people wearing black.
It's pretty tricky not to isn't it? Winter weddings I've been to, practically all the women had some form of black, grey, purple. Black with a colour or black and nudes are common choices.
I wouldn't do all black, so a bright coloured coat perhaps?
People wore black to my spring wedding and I didn't give a fig. If anyone said anything, it wasn't there wedding to get worked up about. Plus someone will always find fault with something. My aunt informed me that she was very disappointed with the food choices (we had obviously put a lot of thought into it). I just thought she was rude.

PrimalLass · 02/12/2014 00:02

Yes it's fine. If someone's great aunt wants to disapprove then hey ho.

radiobedhead · 02/12/2014 00:06

Wear it.

If anyone is offended then it's their problem.

BackforGood · 02/12/2014 00:07

What WildBillfemale said.

The fact you are asking, means that you know some people don't like it, so why do it?
I went to a wedding recently - very similar sounding set up, and 2 people wore black, and I inwardly "pursed". Lighten up a bit - it's a wedding, not a funeral.

happygelfling · 02/12/2014 00:16

My SIL wore a large black hat to my wedding and several people commented to me about how peculiar is it was... I couldn't really give a monkeys, personally, but it did provoke opinions... Started to make me wonder whether she was trying to make some kind of point Hmm
My wedding was ten years ago and I was in my mid twenties at the time (SIL is just 3 years older than me) so maybe it is a generational thing?

happygelfling · 02/12/2014 00:20

I should perhaps add that I don't think she was trying to make a point, and that she was blissfully unaware of the comments. She was my DH's brother's fiancee at the time and didn't know many people at the wedding, so probably a total non-issue. The comments mostly came from my family members in my parents' generation.

WildBillfemale · 02/12/2014 06:34

Lighten up a bit - it's a wedding, not a funeral

Yep,there's a myriad of gorgeous colours suitable for winter weddings why wear the dullest most miserable colour of all.

You also mention Your sister is the bride?! Wearing black would not go unnoticed!
If you have to ask...........

Original poster
jamtoast12 · 02/12/2014 08:12

Ok so asked and apparently the bridesmaids are in black cocktail dresses!!!, so obviously I can't wear black myself now but she's obviously going down the cocktail party route.

For the record though, I've been to several weddings now wear the bridesmaids wear black and it's seen as pretty classy, particularly for older brides (like dsis).

I'm glad I asked though....don't want out look a wanna be bridesmaid!

OP posts:
Original poster
jamtoast12 · 02/12/2014 08:12

Thanks all!

OP posts:
dexter73 · 02/12/2014 08:52

At least you have your answer now! I don't think of black being a dull, miserable colour. If you have a dress like the op with beautiful details it will be anything but. Also black looks lovely in different fabrics like velvet, silk or crepe and is always seen as a stylish choice of colour.

DealForTheKids · 02/12/2014 09:04

I have always been really wary of wearing black at weddings but I'm yet to go to any of my contemporaries' which haven't featured at least 2 people in black (I'm late 20s). Think it may indeed be a generational thing.

The girl who wore white to her cousin's wedding, though, did raise an eyebrow and make for good conversation at the wedding breakfast... Grin

lurkingaround · 02/12/2014 10:20

Sounds like a lovely dress. FWIW I would have worn it. Have seen plenty of super-stylish women wearing black at weddings.

SelfLoathing · 02/12/2014 10:52

bryonyelf

Frankly tell the bride to do one.....
Oh and I have good manners.

Seriously that is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

" Tell her to do one" + "I have good manners". Aren't you quite the little class act?

I agree with Wildbillfemale. Some people have strong views about it and there is no point upsetting anyone or even taking that risk. How difficult is it to er. . .. not wear black.

dexter73 · 02/12/2014 11:18

It isn't that it is difficult to not wear black. The op already has a dress that she thinks is gorgeous so would like to wear that rather than go to the expense of buying a new dress.

PinkSparklyElephant · 02/12/2014 12:07

I wouldn't have even thought it could offend anyone! I've worn black to weddings and people still seem to be talking to me!