Black to a wedding

[jamtoast12]

Hi

I have a family members wedding just before Xmas and wander if it's appropriate for me to wear a black dress? I can't find anything else I like in the shops currently! And the dress I have is gorgeous.

It's completely black with sheer sleeves and flowery detail on chest - so detailed but all black, bit of a cocktail dress style.

The wedding is obviously winter style in a function type hall, really nice place. It's also at 4pm so it will be dark. I expect all photos etc will be inside. I'm just not sure as it's a wedding! I could accessories but the dress will be black only with say bright (though not too bright as that would clash) bag, shoes and earrings etc.

What you think?!

[WildBillfemale]

Maybe it's a credit crunch thing - people just go with what they've got rather than find something suitable

[burnishedsilver]

I am in Ireland, not the UK. The last time I was at a December wedding more than half the women were in black. Its the season of little black dresses. MN is the first I ever heard of not wearing black to a wedding. I suspect its a very dated notion. I agree there should only be one woman in a white dress at a wedding.

[pinkfrocks]

I'd say the fact it is a late afternoon wedding makes it more acceptable. I can't even remember what women wore at mine and if it was black, so what ( 30 years ago!)

My mum has also insisted no one must wear black at her funeral. She wants it to be a celebration of her life not mourning. Not everyone wears black for funerals. We are not in the Victorian era.

[squoosh]

Of course it's fine to wear black to a wedding. 'An insult to the bride' made me laugh.

[bryonyelf]

Yeah I am actually but I cannot stand brides who get their knickers in such a knot over ONE day. You are a guest and any decent bride wouldn't give two hoots what you wore on the day as long as you were there, enjoying yourself and comfortable. If she does care then that is pretty sad and extremely shallow.....in my opinion of course.

Then again, I despise formal weddings, big white dresses, bridesmaids who have to have their bra and knickers matching their hideous, never to be worn dress again. Relax. There is no risk - what a ridiculous thing to say over ONE day.

[PinkSparklyElephant]

I wouldn't have even thought it could offend anyone! I've worn black to weddings and people still seem to be talking to me!

[dexter73]

It isn't that it is difficult to not wear black. The op already has a dress that she thinks is gorgeous so would like to wear that rather than go to the expense of buying a new dress.

[SelfLoathing]

bryonyelf

Frankly tell the bride to do one.....
Oh and I have good manners.

Seriously that is one of the funniest things I've ever read.

" Tell her to do one" + "I have good manners". Aren't you quite the little class act?

I agree with Wildbillfemale. Some people have strong views about it and there is no point upsetting anyone or even taking that risk. How difficult is it to er. . .. not wear black.

[lurkingaround]

Sounds like a lovely dress. FWIW I would have worn it. Have seen plenty of super-stylish women wearing black at weddings.

[DealForTheKids]

I have always been really wary of wearing black at weddings but I'm yet to go to any of my contemporaries' which haven't featured at least 2 people in black (I'm late 20s). Think it may indeed be a generational thing.

The girl who wore white to her cousin's wedding, though, did raise an eyebrow and make for good conversation at the wedding breakfast...

[dexter73]

At least you have your answer now! I don't think of black being a dull, miserable colour. If you have a dress like the op with beautiful details it will be anything but. Also black looks lovely in different fabrics like velvet, silk or crepe and is always seen as a stylish choice of colour.

[jamtoast12]

Thanks all!

[jamtoast12]

Ok so asked and apparently the bridesmaids are in black cocktail dresses!!!, so obviously I can't wear black myself now but she's obviously going down the cocktail party route.

For the record though, I've been to several weddings now wear the bridesmaids wear black and it's seen as pretty classy, particularly for older brides (like dsis).

I'm glad I asked though....don't want out look a wanna be bridesmaid!

[WildBillfemale]

Lighten up a bit - it's a wedding, not a funeral

Yep,there's a myriad of gorgeous colours suitable for winter weddings why wear the dullest most miserable colour of all.

You also mention Your sister is the bride?! Wearing black would not go unnoticed!
If you have to ask...........

[happygelfling]

I should perhaps add that I don't think she was trying to make a point, and that she was blissfully unaware of the comments. She was my DH's brother's fiancee at the time and didn't know many people at the wedding, so probably a total non-issue. The comments mostly came from my family members in my parents' generation.

[happygelfling]

My SIL wore a large black hat to my wedding and several people commented to me about how peculiar is it was... I couldn't really give a monkeys, personally, but it did provoke opinions... Started to make me wonder whether she was trying to make some kind of point
My wedding was ten years ago and I was in my mid twenties at the time (SIL is just 3 years older than me) so maybe it is a generational thing?

[BackforGood]

What WildBillfemale said.

The fact you are asking, means that you know some people don't like it, so why do it?
I went to a wedding recently - very similar sounding set up, and 2 people wore black, and I inwardly "pursed". Lighten up a bit - it's a wedding, not a funeral.

[radiobedhead]

Wear it.

If anyone is offended then it's their problem.

[PrimalLass]

Yes it's fine. If someone's great aunt wants to disapprove then hey ho.

[candykane25]

If you plan a winter wedding I think you'll not have a problem with people wearing black.
It's pretty tricky not to isn't it? Winter weddings I've been to, practically all the women had some form of black, grey, purple. Black with a colour or black and nudes are common choices.
I wouldn't do all black, so a bright coloured coat perhaps?
People wore black to my spring wedding and I didn't give a fig. If anyone said anything, it wasn't there wedding to get worked up about. Plus someone will always find fault with something. My aunt informed me that she was very disappointed with the food choices (we had obviously put a lot of thought into it). I just thought she was rude.

[WildBillfemale]

Black is the colour of mourning

Sorry but anothers wedding is no time to push your views on wearing black. The fact that there are strong views on this thread should indicate that it's not universally accepted as OK.
Play it safe,don't try and make a statement tbh why would you even risk upsetting the bride at a wedding?

[bryonyelf]

Frankly tell the bride to do one.....that is if she notices. Wear what you like. I despise these threads. You are a grown up. I couldn't tell you what anyone wore to my wedding.

Oh and I have good manners.

[ToffeePenny]

I think you'll be fine. Black is often a colour for bridesmaids now so I think it can be safely considered free from a stigma of not being a 'wedding colour'. Check with your sister anyway though just in case she's chosen it for maids (I do this with any block colour dress to avoid looking like a wannabe bridesmaid).

If any 'olds' with black aversion comment on it on the day, just say it is very very very dark blue :)

[jamtoast12]

I do wander if it's an age thing? I don't believe it to be bad luck and the bride herself I know wouldn't mind as she's modern and doesn't give two hoots about tradition (hence second wedding, not church, no kids etc) and the associations with funerals I think is completely outdated now, most people I know don't even wear black to funerals now.

I'm mid thirties and I've been to loads of weddings where people wear black ....but they've been mainly only invited to the evening do (where you can totally get away with it IMO) but as I'm family I'm going in the day hence why I'm questioning it. I def would look bad in pastels etc as it'll be dark from the start. I did fancy something purple or red but most of the outfits around are very glittery party dresses which, even in the right colour, may be a bit too Party-ish for a day wedding?

Hmm need to ask bride I think. It's my sister so she'll tell me straight. Thanks for opinions so far.

[CheersMedea]

No - it's bad manners because black is the colour of mourning.

Also (and this is more important) many people - particularly older people - regard it as a bad luck. Even if the bride and groom don't care, you don't want to upset Great Aunt Hilda.

Good manners are about not offending people or running that risk. People may not say anything to your face but could be judging you silently!