Season of Mists and Mellow Crepiness...

[QueenQueenie]

Here you go Crepesters...

Having seen some of your prose, MI, I think I can categorically say that you're not illiterate (like Hatty can't comment on your temperament ): it must be soul destroying for you. I don't know what to suggest apart from go and kick the dog, slam the door, punch her in the face, etc (for the lurkers, I am only joking). It's a bit early for a large gin.

Glorious, glorious day here now that the fog has gone - DH has gone out on his bike (damn him) and I have a mountain of ironing to do.

Now have idiotic queries from the Guardian too.

Oh, dog is going to someone else Not sure how you can get so attached to a photo. I guess its taken us so long to consider a replacement that I just want it to happen now!

They have asked us to go along and look at the others but we all have to go together. That's not going to cause any arguments, is it?

Oh boo, Beachy. :( I hope another likely-looking candidate appears at the rescue soon. There is a similar chap at the Dog's Trust in Salisbury, but I think it says he needs to be homed by himself. Ahem. I may have been browsing dog rescue sites when I should be working (and supervising carpet fitters).

As for words of wisdom - ha! We are still taking it a day at a time here with dd. She is doing so much better at the moment, but I have learnt to plan for the worst whilst hoping for the best ifyswim. All I can say is that you can't make a teen do anything they don't want to do, but you can repeatedly point out that they are going to be the ones suffering the consequences of their crap decisions. If they really, really want something and the penny finally drops that, no matter what the circs, THEY will have to work to get it, then you get progress.

Dd's confidence is still very shaky and it doesn't take much to knock her back, but she appears to have learnt that you need to be resilient: you have to keep on getting back up and trying your hardest and no one else is going to do it for you. Whatever happens from now on, if she has really learnt this and sticks with it, I think she will come out on top in the end. Thing is, she is also learning to pace herself and is getting to grips with the idea that if she gets herself very wound up and into an anxiety state, this does not help at all. It appears very helpful that so far she continues to think all boys are gross and having a boyfriend a boring waste of time. I sincerely hope that she continues to think like this until she is about 25 (while obviously being aware that the situation could change at any time :) ). She has also (finally!) learnt to communicate with teachers and has been mightily encouraged this last week by presents from the Head of Biology, Head of Science and her Chemistry teacher for all the hours of voluntary work she has put in over the last couple of weeks.

I am now even more of the opinion that "tough love" pays dividends and a lot of what passes for advice for parents of teens is a pile of old tosh. YMMV.

Stropps - agree with everything you say and wish my eldest found boys gross.

you need to be resilient: you have to keep on getting back up and trying your hardest and no one else is going to do it for you. and
learning to pace herself and is getting to grips with the idea that if she gets herself very wound up and into an anxiety state, this does not help at all.

This is exactly what DD needs to do I don't think she ever found boys gross

MI, I was in the same position with an annoying client (I have just sacked them ), although the only person who tried to patronise me was the admin assistant and I just whacked her with a stinky email cc'd to her boss every so often, which shut her up.

Re the copy - I said to them, in writing, that I advised them in the strongest possible terms to produce the whole project to professional publishing standards, which meant sending everything through me and then following my advice. If they wanted to pay me to explain my advice, house style conventions and how to achieve consistent tone, I was happy to at my usual hourly rate. They mostly ignored that, so I made sure my name was not on any of the crap bits, and opted not to be the public face sometimes when they wanted me to on the grounds that I could not do so honestly without bringing them into disrepute. So I decided in the end I would protect my rep, and detach from their incompetence. I just did the best on the bits I was responsible for and made clear the other bits were nothing to do with me. Sorry, too long - and sympathies, it is rubbish and does no good for one's self-esteem.

I agree with everything Stropps says especially about resilience. They need to learn that it is OK to try hard and still fail (whatever that means). Then the world is their oyster. And communicating with teachers can make a massive difference as they get a calm, almost off-hand, professional response to what they think are problems no teen has ever experienced before.

Boo about the dog. I a not even a dog lover and thought ht was gorgeous.

Oh, lalsy, your second para is spot on. I do sometimes feel that I'm overly anxious about damage to my rep - like, really anxious - but it's a good litmus test. The number of times I've said: "I cannot be associated with...." Once I've said that, I'm looking for the exit.

NU, how lovely, to be knitting clothes for the doll. Who will get to play with her, once dressed?

Resilience - yes, the one lesson my ds has finally learned. What looks like a catastrophe really isn't. Grown-ups find solutions and move on. Plus that weird thing that what seemed like disaster at the time later turns out to have been the best thing that could have happened. Without bringing religion or New Agey stuff into the picture, it's quite hard to explain that.

Sorry about the dog, Beachy. I was all excited there for a bit. We have the dog from hell, obedience-wise, but he is very sweet. Hope you get one that's adorable.

MI, shouldn't I be joining that community in India? I think I am weird enough.

Jeez, crepeys. Turns out teaching is HARD. Feel a bit despondent today after my half-hour stint didn't go totally brilliantly. Had more 'authority, apparently, and lots went well, but my lesson plan lacked coherence. Not helped by constantly shifting goalposts by faintly scatty and forgetful mentor, leaving me scrabbling slightly in the class.

I've got to teach for TWO HOURS next week, and come up with the entire lesson plan, including a strategy to teach the difference between past simple and past continuous. Eeeeeeep.

In other news, my foot that I knackered falling down the stairs in February still hurts when I walk any distance. I'm going to have to go to the doctor's, aren't I.

Had lovely time after school, sitting in a Spanish cafe, drinking thick, dark hot chocolate and eating churros, while DS and his school pals hared around on scooters, around, and through, squirty fountains on the plaza. It's terribly continental round our way.

Sorry about the dog, too, Beachy. I was rather looking forward to naming him Wing Commander Catflap, or similar. I wish someone would rescue our cat. He drives me demented.

Not at all MI Words need to be had about you being prevented from doing what they're paying you for....don't start losing confidence because they're a bunch of wankers!
Sad about the dog beachy. I'm not a dog person either...but he did look appealing in that photo.
I can't add anything to Stropps excellent words. She really hits the nail on the head. And we all know what I think about parents evenings
Resilience herbs resilience !!

I am in a godforsaken premier inn in Manchester ready for another teaching voice gig tomorrow. I absolutely hate this bit of it...being away on Friday nights, the travelling..I get a nervous tum and a headache. I am resolved to tell the organisation that I only want London and the Home Counties. I now have to go over my slides for tomorrow...but bob geldof is on the one show. He's trying hard not to swear. He's not bad for an ageing rocker, actually...

Molly, I am going to remember that Grown-ups find solutions and move on to repeat to DD when yet another drama has occurred!

BIL is here and for once there are no footy matches to go to - DH is desperately scrabbling round trying to think of what to do all day tomorrow.

Ah yes, forgot to add "Don't forget to reinforce the cement around your front door frame for the time when you say something pithy like "Grown-ups find solutions and move on". Dh had to re-cement all round our front door frame last month after 2 years of extreme slamming.

I smashed the glass out of the front door at my DM's when I was a teen. DD doesn't actually do a lot of door slamming, mainly because our doors don't slam very well!

Supremely irrelevant and dull post: our front door won't shut without slamming at the moment because it has swollen so much. We used to have a front door grater but I have lost it. What is the real name of a front door grater?

I am never going to the US again. I tried to print out our boarding cards tonight and was told that they could not check us in online. This took about half an hour to get to this stage, we could not just hit print, we had to put in all of our passport details, for the third or fourth time. I know what this is, they have selected us for special security again. I am now feeling very stressed and depressed by the whole saga. Had an awful mid year review with BB this afternoon. I am miserable and she doesn't like it.

Do you mean a plane, lalsy?

Lalsy, a plane?

Oh no, MrsS. Why would they select you for special security? Is it another special bonus of your job?
Sorry you had a bad mid-year review.

Delurks to say it may be a Surform rather than a plane.

Mrs S - is BB hating that you are fed up in a 'let's fix it " way or " I don't do misery " kind of way. Ffs why can't she do her job and adhere to really basic management skills

1. LISTEN
2. EMPATHISE
3. ENCOURAGE

Basic bloody stuff.

I have had a day filled with unbelievably demanding, wacky and hilarious customers .( I want to cancel my tickets for the African Children's choir because I'm afraid of getting Ebola ) I kid you not. I gave her your place's phone number mrs S

I also had my sandwich listening to Elvis Costello rehearsing for his show. Just me , him and the guitar, live. Pretty magical

Beachy , shame about the woofer. Never mind . The next time, don't worry about the whole family being there. The right dog will chose you

Ah yes, resilience is so important. But it's a process that needs building up , like confidence and reasonableness and empathy, and kindness and coping . Seeing past your own small teenage drama is something that comes gradually and increases with maturity.
When dd was down or frustrated or angry I always encouraged made her to do something for someone else, so that she was pushed to see beyond her own shitstorm. I do believe quite strongly in that. But then it depends so much on the child of course .

Bed time for me. I am wrecked.

Cremo Elvis Costello is one of my old favourites.
That is a great idea about getting them to do something for someone else. Not sure if DD is ready to manage doing that when she is in/just been in a shitstorm yet!

YES! A surform, thank you Stropanuary, and hello.

Crem, wise words.

Mrs S, sounds awful.

dd used to find the company of little children very restoring after shitstorms - easy to do things for, absorbing, gentle, good for self esteem.

Just had to say to MrsS, no, it's not you, we can never print off our boarding passes when we fly, doesn't matter where we're going. The Americans aren't usually picking on anybody, it's just the way they do things. We long ago decided that I must have the same name as either a criminal or a terrorist as I always used to be pulled out. It is definitely better now they check fingerprints, though. Good luck, keep calm and enjoy yourself.

Crem, it was when I said about all the deaths in my family this year, and I hadn't really got much to be happy about, and she interrupted me and said "I know all about the deaths." We then got onto my melanoma, which was dismissed as "it's only skin cancer." She doesn't listen, she has no idea of empathy (despite her keep saying "I am being sympathetic!"), and there was no encouragement. Basically, while I look miserable and am negative, and still have "development needs" (she couldn't tell me what these were) they are not going to give me a worthwhile job. And they won't let me leave either.

Still awake- too wired

Mrs S if it was me I'd feel horrendously undermined by that kind of attitude. What she's basically telling you is that you don't matter ( of course you do )and your issues are negligible ( they are not- they are major life occurrences that require support, empathy and patience )
Still awake- too wired

Mrs S if it was me I d feel horrendously undermined by that kind of attitude. What she's basically telling you is that you don't matter ( of course you do )and your issues are negligible ( they are not- they are major life occurrences that require support, empathy and and reasonable adjustment if necessary)

Really , she is not up to the job and is taking it out on you. A skilful bully
( and she is) will pick the easiest person to single out, usually someone vulnerable and unhappy.
She has probably chosen you with a bit of added jealousy as well ( you could do her job competently and with flair without breaking a swear)
Essentially she'sincompetent and I'd be considering taking out a grievance against her , [for lack of support, guidance and for minimising your situation.] Seriously terrible conduct.How do these people get into management.??
Mrs S use your break to completely detach. You need a proper break from everything. I wish you some brilliant and lovely New York minutes.

Read this when you get back , if you decide that things have to change.
ACAS
Xx Crem