50 years old and fed up of trying to look nice :(

[RoyCroppersOldBag]

Why is it all so hard now ?? 50 years old and post menopause and I'm so fed up of looking crap all the time - it just seems so much hard work to even just look reasonable :(

When I was younger any old skincare, makeup and shampoo seemed to work, slapped it on and I looked good(ish) NOW I buy good stuff and spend twice as long getting reading to just look vaguely passable!! I'm totally fed up and feel and look awful. Should I just accept it or carry on fighting a battle I don't seem to be winning?

Thanks for reading this far - rant over :)

dido are you me? I'm 50 and size 16, workwear based on black, but I've recently found my own style (not stylish) and am more comfortable than I've ever been. I went through the feeling like a 'ship under full sail' phase too. Think neat silhouettes, slim leg trousers with longer length tops. That's me.

I'm trying to keep the wolf from the door too.

i have been taking these fish oils shop.igennus.com/Pharmepa-STEP-1-RESTORE-pure-EPA-fish-oil-60-capsules.html for the past 3 weeks and they have had the most amazing effect on so many things.

The biggest change has been in my mood. I have felt on a really even keel. I normally get severe pre menstrual breast tenderness and I havent this month, just a little bit of discomfort. No premenstrual madness either. And my skin has gone all glowy and dewy, a bit like being moisturised from the inside out.

I've been having terrible hormonal spots/acne and that's gone too. If it helps anyone else, i am using hibiscrub as a cleanser in a 50% dilution and it is amazing and cheap too. I only use non comedogenic skincare.

Other things that work for me. Eyebrow threading, (self) manicured, neat and tidy nails, keep on top of leg hair etc. keep weight under control and go on a diet/cut back if necessary. Use rapid lash on eyelashes and brows - thick lush lashes and no need for mascara. Dr Jart Water fuse BB cream. Good shoes/handbag. Clothes always ironed. Simple jewellery. Pattern doesn,t really suit me so I stick to a firmly neutral range of colours/classic styles.

If I do all of the above, I definitely feel much better in myself and I think in turn I look better. I'm losing a few pounds right now as I didn't like the way it was going and I think because the fish oils have helped my mood I have been able to do it (just by cutting down and walking more).

Meant to say, I got the info about the fish oils and hibiscrub from mumsnet .

I still get lots of looks from older men, men my own age (53) and young men . They mostly think it look late 30s yearly 40s.

Oh Roy, I so know where you are coming from. I feel like I am having a bit of a crisis at the moment coming up to 50. I spent yesterday looking at Lisa Eldridge makeup videos and I suggest you do the same. She has some excellent tips on filling in eyebrows/concealing and brightening up the face - really useful. I look in the mirror and want to weep as I seem to have faded. Today on the advice of DameDiazapam, I have bought a bronzer (not sure if I have done it right - will see if I scare my husband when he gets home!) I also bought some eyeshadow, which I think looks nice. It is really difficult when you are used to a very natural ("no makeup") look to have to up the ante, so to speak, without looking like a painted lady.

As someone upthread pointed out, acceptance is key and then making the best of what you have now. Don't throw the towel in, you won't be happy. Study the videos, get to a Bobby Brown counter (they are good for natural looks), read some magazines and start having fun with makeup and hair, like we all did when we were teenagers. Hopefully we can all come out of this the other side!

op I put the shadow in the crease of my eyelid and sort of wing it out and up. I have blue eyes too and this taupey colour suits me far better than brown, which made me look ill. I normally wear grey, though.

Another thing I think helps is lots of sleep. I try to get 9 or sometimes even 10 hours. I'm up for botox too. And face exercises.

Ooh my favourite subject

If you've been through the menopause and your clothes don't look right any more, it may be because your body shape has changed. Mine did and it was ages before I noticed. I had to work out what suited me all over again.

If you wear contact lenses, I recommend ditching them and getting specs. They distract from all kinds of horrors that break out on your face and, even better, if your frames are modern, everyone assumes you are too.

I agree a good haircut takes off years.

And stop worrying about wrinkles people Seriously, stop it right now. The worst thing about aging is the sagging and the loss of definition I don't have many wrinkles but would gladly settle for more if it meant I could have my jawline back.

Noddy - it's not a negative attitude I have towards this. It's actually a really liberating one. It's a trap to spend your life worrying about how you look and worrying what people think when they look at you. Women in general invest far too much in their appearance. When I was younger people looked at me all the time, I feel far more free now hardly anyone notices me. How is that a negative view?

I don't worry about it I have real things to worry about. But I like looking as good as I can. Its not about being looked at which i find an odd analogy. You are making it all about the opinions of others as you are saying no point looking good as no one is looking at you. But I am looking at me and I want to please me. Anyway we are talking about being 50 not 80 I don't look that much different although I know I will over the next 10 years but its not about age

wildthong, what's your current favourite place for black work wear? I need new black work trousers!

Happy, I know what you mean. I feel liberated, too. I turned 50 this year. I haven't given up and I still care what I look like. The people who matter to me don't care what I look like (I think...) but the degree of invisibility in public, out and about, on the street, that comes with being a woman of a certain age is strangely freeing.

I am 51 and was plunged into menopause 3 years ago after hysterectomy. I exercise 7 + times a week and it is still a struggle to maintain weight. I have recently let my hair go grey and I am now growing it long. It will take years but I think I will rock it! I have bought biker boots recently and changed my wardrobe no more White Stuff ,Cath Kidston et al. I find it really quite exciting and if I look a mess some days no one really cares.

I'm 53 and I'm looking (and feeling) better than I had for quite a few years previously - a combination of getting a Jillian Michaels exercise habit and 5:2 - losing fat, gaining muscle I'm in much better shape so more confident. I've finally ditched bootleg jeans and started wearing something other than tshirt and fleece by default. DD quashed my strange yearning for a leather jacket at the weekend though...maybe she's right there.

Errol - how long did it take you to tone? Are we talking months? Many?

I'm with noddy...kook as good as you can.
I'm 54 , luckily tall and slim.
Still not through menopausal and recently have had particularly horrible 32 day bleed.
But I look after myself..hair but and colour every 6 weeks, facials and Caci every six weeks, eyebrows every month and a Brazilian . My new thing.
I have put on 7 lbs in 6 weeks due to change in hrt which is killing me...I do very low carving and eat well.
I am in a very forward facing job and would find it difficult if I didn't feel good about my appearance.
I am a skinny jean Mint Velvet sort of woman.
Can I recommend The Hormone Doctor by Leah Hardy for motivational menopausal advice.

dido I got 2 lovely pairs recently in the Coast sale, both slim leg.
here

I had to size up to an 18 because of my huge problem area belly they are made small.

Low carbing that should be

lapdog - I started before the summer hols last year, and kept going. But I really did start to see a change very quickly and maybe more importantly felt good too. Being fitter and stronger made other activities more fun too - hillwalking, watersports - good when you've got an active teen to be able to 'play' with them. I'm not sure I look 'toned' unclothed, but sure as heck look better in jeans (and wetsuit - slighly less blubbery seal look ) - it all works better now. Which is rather nice when you've passed 50 to feel it's not all downhill after all.

Well I am 54 and feel bad for teasing mum about her facial hair now:(

Last night I creamed mine off - LOADS of them some very dark and some white and coarse - all of them shouting "look at meeeeee". Like a bloody forest.

Ha, Errol, I feared you'd say months, and worried it would be so many :) But you're right, there must be some visible/tangible benefits pretty quickly to keep you motivated. I'm still at the musing stage.

Noddy - doesn't looking as good as you can involve real commitment in terms of money, time and effort? I have far more important things to do with my time, life enriching things. I feel good because I'm not focused on how I look like I did when I was younger.

Anyway, people should do what makes them feel good, if diets, mirror scrutiny, s spent on beauty products and botox do that then great. It wouldn't work for me though.

And I don't think it works for the OP either, hence the title of this thread.

lapdog - give it a go - if it suits you then you may find it's a virtuous circle. What's to lose?

Thanks for the encouragement, Errol :)

That is very patronising as if I have nothing better to do! I can look good and do fulfilling things too they are not mutually exclusive.