What makes a person frumpy?

[Ladyfoxglove]

I'm feeling decidedly frumpy at the moment. Whilst trying on some old clothes the other day, I caught sight of myself from the back in a full length mirror and I look just like my mother did twenty years ago horrors!

The trouble is, although I'm looking at all the nice new clothes around about now I can't decide what to get. I get my hair cut and highlighted regularly (shoulder length, straight) and I'm 5' 7" and reasonably slim, instead of the effect I'm after (sophisticated, slightly edgy but natural), I'm more average 46 year old frumpy, boring woman from the Midlands. I can't pinpoint where I'm going wrong.

I look similar to Kate Winslet but I'd rather look like kristen taekman (sorry for Real Housewives reference but that's the look I like).

Any suggestions?

An anorak in the rain is not necessary? Choosing comfort over style is frumpy? You have to wear heels?

This thread is crackers.

Why would you not just be comfortable? I commute on foot 4 miles a day come rain or shine. So I wear an anorak frequently. Virtually all shoes give me blisters so I wear trainers. I have back pain so I wear a rucksack rather than a trendy handbag. Is it actually frumpy to not be cross bedraggled blistered and in need of even more physio appointments than I am already?

Do other people just have a different pain/discomfort threshold to me? My shoes have to be about as comfy as slippers, I need to be warm and dry, otherwise I'm just miserable. If other people aren't so bothered then good for them but it depresses me beyond belief that women are telling other women they should de-prioritise their physical comfort on a daily basis.

And yes I know s&b I'd not the place for me before someone pipes up, but it's been in my active convos for 2 days.

It's fascinating to read everyone's different take on what is and isn't frumpy.

It's interesting to note that the more comfortable I feel, the frumpier I feel.

I agree with those who say that loose/baggy clothing is frumpy unless you're whippet thin.

Laughing at Leedy's majestic sideways rain.

I don't think frumpiness has anything to do with specific items of clothing. On the right person, all the things listed on this thread (even Per Una!) can look fine. I think it's more about not having your own sense of style.

I think we're all at risk of looking frumpy when our bodes change - e.g. because of pregnancy or childbirth or the menopause - and suddenly none of your favourite clothes suit you any more and you have to try and work out your own style all over again. That's what happened to me anyway.

Its possible I have a very high pain threshold -2 completely natural births and I didn't go to the hospital until I was 7cm dilated with DD1 as I didn't think the pain was particularly bad-- but I would rather be happy in how I look than how I feel. Burning feet in 5 inch heels or comfortable feet in trainers? heels everytime. Spanx so I can wear a tight dress or go for a different cut? I'd rather wear spanx (I wore maternity spanx most days to work during the last few months of my pregnancy). IMO a mac is the half way point between practical in the rain and stylish- I would much rather wear a wool coat or a gorgeous cape but it wouldn't be at all practical. A mac isn't ideal but it is the half-way point. No I've never suffered Irish rain, a weekend in Dublin is my only experience of Ireland.

I'll say it again, pregnancy is a nightmare for frumpiness.

But Loafers, can you imagine a situation where you are both happy with how you look and how you feel? Or are all your definitions of "not frumpy" also varying degrees of uncomfortable? I don't think I'd particularly enjoy a personal style where I looked chic but was always slightly uncomfortable/burny feet/squashed/breathless.

Loafers - your city style sounds lovely and I'm sure was appropriate for your London workplace. Though I'm rather horrified by the idea of such an openly 'sexist' office...

If you like high heels and feel comfortable walking long distances in them, then that's entirely up to you. I'm absolutely not criticising, but to me, and, I think, some others, very high heels do not automatically equal 'stylish'. On some occasions (parties?) and with certain clothes (cocktail frocks?) they can look great and little else creates the same impact. But so often, they are not flattering. Either they make the proportions of an outfit all wrong, or people wearing them walk in a most unattractive way....

I now work at home. But in the past my journey to work used to involve muddy farm tracks/bike ride in all weathers/ wet and draughty rural station (no waiting room)/ hot and crowded train/ hot and crowded bus. An umbrella would have been no use whatsoever to me on that journey.

I really hope you like living in Devon. I'm being perfectly serious: now you are out of London, what would be your idea of a non-frumpy-but-suitable-for-country-conditions outfit? I've lived in the country for most of my life, and am NOT a fan of beige, fleeces, patterns, full skirts etc - and the nearest M&S is well over 100 miles away, so I'm not in danger of being tempted by PerUna (!) Maybe this is just me, but I find stylish-but-practical not always easy to achieve. And I confess not only to sometimes wearing a Didrickson's waterproof coat with a hood, but also to possessing a pair of proper walking boots and (horrors!) a pair of waterproof overtrousers!!

I'm a vet. I would look ridiculous going to work in heels. I spend my days crouched on the floor examining dogs feet, or standing for hours in an operating theatre, and am usually covered in dog hair. My shoes are flat, my hair is tied back, and my nails are short. If you saw me on my way to work, you would assume I was a frump, but not everyone has an office job where perfectly manicured nails and designer shoes count for anything.

Out of work, I'm in the skinny jeans/converse/tshirt brigade. I have a toddler to chase and a dog to walk, and I need to be able to move. I keep my hair styled and my make up subtle, and my eyebrows vaguely groomed, but why should practical clothes be the "wrong" choice when I lead a practical, hands-on lifestyle?

This thread is ridiculous, IMO, and I agree with the poster who said terms like "frumpy" are designed to make women feel bad about themselves. Not everyone has the same lifestyle.

I'm the same woozle. I often take a backpack, used to be dhs black one but found a pretty one on holiday, converse or flat sandals to walk in but spare shoes for work. I want to be comfortable.

Well said, Spaniel.

I think heels are frumpy. They remind me of 1970's mums. Cannot for the life of me see the appeal and I don't think I have ever seen someone in them and thought they look nice.

I also think sportswear worn for casual in garish colours is frumpy.

I think some people can take something considered traditionally frumpy and do that hipster thing with it and it looks great. I like to see a bit of individual flair in clothing. I draw the line at a wolef

Agree the vast majority of high heels do look unstylish at least, if not frumpy. So few women seem to be able to walk in them gracefully and confidently.

Also don't think comfort automatically means frump. The French have an expression about a woman being comfortable in her skin ( bien dans sa peau ) which I think suggests she looks attractive, not frumpy.

Lol at heels and 70s mum. That reminded me of my MIL. She wears heels, long ankle length skirts and long jackets. I'm sure that's definitely frumpy. She refused to wear comfortable shoes because she said she walks like a duck in them. DH gets annoyed when walking the dog with her because she is far too slow in those heels.

But I have to say most fashionable clothing do look better in heels. It's just you could also get granny heels to wear with your per una.

I don't agree. Unless you can walk in them, I think heels can ruin some outfits.

I think there is also an ageist element here.

It sounds a bit patronising OP to say it's fantastic I still work, LOL!
I'm not yet 60- there are many politicians, directors , writers, actors, cooks (Judy Dench, Mary Berry) who are working into their 60s, 70s and 80s.

Yes, I am a professional but I don't recognise the picture you paint; I'm a northern lass moved south, from a working class background, and I knew plenty of women ( friends of my mum) who worked into their 60s.

Thank you for the lovely compliments I am far from glam today am sick as a dog and have conjunctivitis so you have cheered me up no end :)

MIlmingebag -I wear sports wear in what you call " garish " colours , otherwise known as hi-vis. That's so I'm more visible to drivers when I'm out running. I can't imagine why that makes me frumpy.

I agree with the other posters who have said that if you are dressed in colours and styles that suit your figure, personality and lifestyle, you are not frumpy .

I'm also surprised that some posters don't seem to understand that others might be leading a very different lifestyle from their own. And I'm wondering where this rural area is where all the farmers and business people retire at 60

I think the frump goes when your kids get older my ds is at university now and I was def grumpier when he was under 10 even though I was much younger

And frumpier

Like Loafers I also work for a London based hedge fund and my look is polished, heels, pencil skirts, silk blouses, etc. but I disagree about sheer tights being frumpy. I think a pencil skirt looks odd with opaque black tights, as does a silk shirt, a silk shirt is way too sheer and delicate to wear with something as heavy as thick black tights. The look would be v unbalanced. I think black tights are quite casual really, I would only wear them with say a dark heavy wool skirt and equally chunky top.

I think a stockinged leg can look v sexy and professional, it's all a question of quality, if you wear 20 denier 'Gypsy' by Pretty Polly then yes, that is entering firm 'frump territory and makes your legs look like they are made of wood. To avoid 'frump territory' go for quality ultra-sheer barely there tights; Falke makes great low denier tights. Other brands that are very sheer are Calvin Klein, Donna Karan and Wolford. These brands would not continue to manufacture sheer tights if they were 'frumpy'.

Kate Middleton doesn't 'do' the sheer tights thing much justice as her denier is a little too thick and she loves a shiny finish and wears a colour that is too light for her skin tone. This is all 'frump territory' and granny ish.

Also nude look dreadful with black tights and should only ever be worn with sheer tights!

As you can see I'm a bit of a sheer tights fan, but they have to be done right!

Yes Pink, I agree. There is certainly an ageist element in some comments. For me and my friends continuing to work if you wish is the norm - not a matter of surprise or congratulation.

The OP did say she comes from a non metropolitan background but surely there are women in their 60s and above working everywhere now.

She also said (in the context of some PP's ridiculous implication that women in their 40s and 50s still 'socialise' but those in their 60s and 79s don't) that, where she lives, wives 'only go out with their husbands' but again surely London isn't the only place women so go out with their friends and colleagues? This is 2014.

*nude shoes

noddy that's why I'm reading this thread! DD is 3 and I'm 38 weeks pregnant atm. Since DD is born I've stopped buying shoes that I can't walk a whole afternoon in. Wool coats are out as well since I can only afford a couple of winter coats. So they are a merrell and a north face. They keep me warm on the walk to nursery and also standing in a park in the rain. Have started buying clothes online. But many times the clothes wouldn't be what I pick in the stores at all. But I cba to return them. I used to actually go clothes shopping in the weekend. I'm seriously turning into a frump I think through lack of time and money.

70s, not 79s!