What makes a person frumpy?

[Ladyfoxglove]

I'm feeling decidedly frumpy at the moment. Whilst trying on some old clothes the other day, I caught sight of myself from the back in a full length mirror and I look just like my mother did twenty years ago horrors!

The trouble is, although I'm looking at all the nice new clothes around about now I can't decide what to get. I get my hair cut and highlighted regularly (shoulder length, straight) and I'm 5' 7" and reasonably slim, instead of the effect I'm after (sophisticated, slightly edgy but natural), I'm more average 46 year old frumpy, boring woman from the Midlands. I can't pinpoint where I'm going wrong.

I look similar to Kate Winslet but I'd rather look like kristen taekman (sorry for Real Housewives reference but that's the look I like).

Any suggestions?

LongTailTit, I found buying a few (pricey but worth it for self esteem) really nice BF tops/dresses made a big difference to my feelings of postnatal frumpitude - Boob Design (among others) do ones that don't make you feel like you're wearing a tent/maternitywear. That and a good haircut that hid my terrible moulting/fluffy hair.

Frumpy, for me, simply means unfashionable. Some women are frumpy because they aren't interested in what they're wearing or they're not interested in fashion and current trends. Fair enough. There are plenty of other things to do and think about.

I'm 50 and as interested in clothes as I ever was, which is quite a lot.
I've had times in my life when I have felt frumpy and didn't like it: after having baby 1; after leaving an office job to set work at home; after putting on weight; and after getting to my late 40s. I had to make an effort to update my wardrobe and style to feel current and happy with the way I looked.

My mumis in her late 70s and hasn't got a frumpy bone in her body. She buys all her clothes in car boot sales. She loves style and fashion and always has. She's interested in looking good.

It takes energy to do, though, and you have to care.
Sometimes I'd like to say sod it, I'll just wear an old top and jeans. The good thing about being frumpy is that it makes you invisible, and sometimes I do just want to skulk around unnoticed. However, I do know that on the work days (at home) when I throw on any old clothes, I don't feel as energetic, happy or youthful as I do on the days I think about my outfit and make an effort.

I'm shallow but easily pleased.

I'm 50, and I don't think I'm frumpy.

Things I wouldn't wear:
Calf length trousers of any description. Just above ankle is fine, but not calf length. Particularly those horrid fake linen things
fuschia or royal blue
Anything with too much decoration or prints
Too much make up

I think it's hard at my age to avoid frumpiness, and I think you have to keep in touch with fashion a little bit. Classic dressers also can look frumpy IMO.

I am currently wearing an oversized yellow simple Cos top, and grey ankle skimmers, with grey brogues.

I agree with last 2 posts. I am 49 and it takes effort but I want to look this way and feel energised when I make the effort. I am just back from holidays and have a slight tan I am wearing pale grey hush harems with a layered white vest and pink one and grey flip flops. I hate harsh colours and pattern too and think over style hair and over grooming/ make up makes me look frumpy.

Houdini what do you wear? (We're same age)

One problem I have is that stylish cuts such as Cos or All saints rely on a woman wanting to disguise her waist but having good legs. I have a slim waist and very chubby legs. To show off the best of my body I have to shop in White stuff or occasionally Phase eight as they're the only places that cuts tops to cling just under the boobs. But I have got very tired of the endless twee patterns.

Where can pear shaped women buy stylish tops?

I wore a navy hiking fleece and faded jeans into town once, thinking I looked laid back and carefree.

Caught sight of myself in a shop window. Had to go home to recover.

China I often buy cos tops in xs size even though I'm not as they are more fitted that way but still flattering.

Noddy that's a good tip. I'll try that.

I don't agree that frumpy is the same thing as unfashionable at all. Fashion trends that make it onto the high street are by and large are aimed at very young women, and don't translate well - or no one has bothered trying? - into older women's clothes. Which I'm not weeping about, tbh, because I think the idea of 'having' to buy new clothes every season because otherwise you'll look dated is a bit dim, as well as ethically and environmentally irresponsible (and ruinous on the pocket).

Lots of people linked to Emannuelle Alt - she's not remotely 'fashionable', and has worn the same look for years and years, skinny jeans and trousers, collared shirts, blazers. And she looks wonderful.

I agree with you Talcum!
Also think that avoiding frumpiness is much easier if you are slim.

Is that because most clothes for larger women are just scaled-up versions of fashion garments designed for the very slim, so the cut and fabric is all wrong? What would an ideal, non-frumpy range for larger women look like?

Clothes for larger women are hideous. They scale up fashion cut for the very slender and it just looks wrong. It would still be possible to translate the latest fashions into something for the larger woman but they need to stop scaling things up and expecting that to be right because it isn't. I'm glad to have lost some weight now as I no longer have to shop in the hideous plus size ranges and can but 'normal' size clothes.

It's just much easier to look good if you're slim, if you're overweight you start with a style disadvantage

problem with scaling clothes up is that waists end up in the wrong place, long sleeves are too tight so bunch and pull which just looks awful and the clothes are often either too short if it's a dress or skirt or if you happen to be petite but overweight, jeans are too long because there's this general assumption that if you happen to be short, you can't be fat. Shirts/blouses are more often wrong than right because they aren't cut for boobs and tbh, it's rare to see an overweight woman with a flat chest. I know you can get specially designed for boobs clothes like pepperberry but they are still awful. It's the same principle as bras for larger chests, they have to be cut differently because large breasts are a totally different animal to smaller ones

I'm being honest here and don't really get the 'what do we wear when we are over 50'

There is MASSES out there to wear.

I am over 50- well over !

I'm told I look much younger if that is relevant.

But, there is loads of choice if you stop pigeon-holing yourself as being over whatever age.

I shop carefully and don't have many clothes- I need very few smart or work clothes, though TBH that would be easier than trying to pull off the smart casual look.

I'm not for a minute saying I've got it right- no way- but the kind of things I wear include:

Straight/ skinnyish ( not poured into) jeans with ankle boots or biker style calf boots.
Nice knitwear- cashmere cardis and jumpers and tops/knitwear from The White Company (but never loose ones, always fitted.)
Wool tunics ( plain, in merino wool) with skinny jeans or sometimes leggings, and boots.
Knitted dresses with opaques and boots
Smart trousers occasionally- in black or grey with a cardi usually grey or teal ( suits me best)
Shortish skirts- just above the knee- with a cardi, jumper and boots.

I have some accessories- scarves, jewellery - all white gold or silver - always very simple.

I always wear make up, earrings and make the effort to do my nails- short and pale polish.

NOT saying this is right or would suit anyone, but can't see age is a barrier to looking reasonably ok.

Ha, pinkfrocks is my wardrobe twin (though am a mere stripling of 42).

I will confess to teetering on the edge of frumpiness today, mind: khaki-ish calf length trousers (they're quite nice ones from J Brand a few years back but definitely need some considered dressing), orange/white Breton top, Birkenstocks. Going to put on some orange lippy to stop myself disappearing into the furniture.

Not saying I've got it sorted- tend to play safe- but do keep it simple.

Looking back to my 40s in photos the mistake I made ( for me) was wearing things too baggy. I also had my colours done and was advised never to wear dark shades against my skin, so out went the black and navy and in came pale grey, most blues except really harsh bright ones, and teal.

God knows how I will rate myself in future- hindsight is wonderful!

Definitely agree it's easier if you're slim.

Most of the styles bandied around on this thread as fashionable, stylish or similar just don't look the same on anyone who isn't an average height or taller, and a slimmish build.

And if you wear something 'stylish' that is actually unflattering, then you might have bypassed frumpy and gone straight to fashion victim. Which one is preferable then?

Agree on the number of girls I see in London, many of whom aren't skinny or don't have long, slim legs, wearing skater-style dresses with black tights that crease around their ankles and cheap ballet pumps. It's a recipe for disaster and does not look good on them. But it's something of a uniform for younger girls in many city offices.

(On the tights front, how do so many women carry on wearing tights that crease around their ankles? This one baffles me! Just pull them down at the toe and tuck the excess under your feet if they don't fit well...)

I agree with other posters that you can lose your way, style-wise, as you get older but I think that's mostly down to the menopause, not some random age - because your body shape can change and often you don't even notice. When I turned 50, I thought I had hit frumpdom because none of my clothes looked right any more. It was only when a very good friend told me I should go for a bra fitting that the penny dropped: I had sprouted boobs but was dressing as if I was still flat chested.

My colouring has changed too: I used to like black because it looked dramatic but now it just makes me look haggard whereas the right colours (e.g. plum and dark green) take years off me.

I also agree that there's still plenty of choice after 50 but you have to be selective and not pigeon hole yourself.

I had to look up Emanuelle Alt as I'd never heard of her. Founding out she was the fashion editor of Paris Vogue was quite a relief tbh. She has to look stylish - and clearly never has walking commutes of over a mile.

Yesterday on one of those house programmes, there was a French (I know) woman of over 50 or even 60, wearing white linen calf length trousers, a grey linen / fine jersey tunic with styled hair. By that description, she might be considered frumpy on here. But she wasn't at all because of the way she carried herself. She looked soignee instead. It's not about the clothes - it's confidence, I think

Founding out?

Yes, a Vogue editor has to look stylish (though personally, I questioned the sort of rumpled Iggy Pop eyeliner look of her predecessor Carine Something?) but what my point was is that despite heading a style Bible, EA's look isn't dictated by fashion at all - she's worn the same fashionless, timeless clothes for aeons - therefore I don't think you have to follow fashion to avoid frumphood (frumpdom?)

I actually think that her casual/messy hair and very subtle make up make her look more edgy - she'd look less striking with a Kate Middleton/ Cambridge/whatever her name is style blowdry and heavier make up. But that's quite a French take on dress and appearance, anyway. Subtle, classic, understated etc.

I agree with Chaffinch in her definition -- frumpiness is the anti-style.

Fashion can look stylish, but fashion and style are not at all the same thing. On the wrong person, fashion can look frumpy. Since fashion tends to consist of a certain look or colour or shape, the likelihood of being a style victim and/or frumpy while attempting a fashion look is high. Style involves figuring out what looks best on you, regardless of fashion. You can be comfortable and stylish at the same time.

And I don't think slim is the be all and end all either. I have a relative who is probably a few years older than me who is pretty much barrel shaped and probably just over 5" tall. Her posture is great and she tans easily (that gene skipped me). Her hair is always very nicely attended to, not lying flat on her head and with warm highlights. She wears a little makeup, flats, black or grey clingy clothing - tops, skirts and dresses - and a bit of jewellery every day; one item plus very good quality watch. I never see her in trousers or jeans unless she has on a pair of sweats to play with her dog in the garden. The reason is clear when she wears the sweats. Trousers do not flatter her at all. I never see her in any other colours or in a pattern of any kind except one leopard print skirt. I know none of that looks good on paper, but she manages to look the opposite of frumpy. The effect of all the black and grey is to show off the genuine tan and highlight her face and hair while allowing no distractions that would be caused by prints or colours.

I would look terrible in the clothes she wears.

Whilst I personally fond of easier to avoid frump when someone,agree with pp tgat some larger ladies can look extremely stylish particularly in black or grey expensively drapey clothing .
Danish and Dutch brands good for this eg Sandwich or Crea Concept type stuff.
One look I don't like is the Italian frills and flounces style faded clothes that pop up everywhere.

Meant to say I feel less frumpy when thinner.
boobage is frumpy on me unfortunately