What makes a person frumpy?

[Ladyfoxglove]

I'm feeling decidedly frumpy at the moment. Whilst trying on some old clothes the other day, I caught sight of myself from the back in a full length mirror and I look just like my mother did twenty years ago horrors!

The trouble is, although I'm looking at all the nice new clothes around about now I can't decide what to get. I get my hair cut and highlighted regularly (shoulder length, straight) and I'm 5' 7" and reasonably slim, instead of the effect I'm after (sophisticated, slightly edgy but natural), I'm more average 46 year old frumpy, boring woman from the Midlands. I can't pinpoint where I'm going wrong.

I look similar to Kate Winslet but I'd rather look like kristen taekman (sorry for Real Housewives reference but that's the look I like).

Any suggestions?

yep I need height if I'm wearing a shape like that.

Isn't the opposite of frumpy 'stylish' though? ( rather than 'sexy')
I was thinking about some people who live near me who'd I'd call frumpish. They are women in their mid- late 60s and they seem to have just 'given up'- that is if they ever had it give up in the first place.
I am a few years younger but even when they were my age they dressed as they do now.

The 'dressed up look' is long, full skirts- mid calf and longer- often floral, with a matching T shirt- often beige or cream- flat sandals or comfy shoes without a hint of 'glamour', and a navy or beige blazer type coat/ top. And a handbag which 'doesn't go'- sometimes large, navy or black.

The casual look is badly fitting jeans and a T shirt and a fleece or a beige mac/ anorak of some kind.

The never wear boots, or shorter skirts or dresses , or accessorise with scarves or beads, or earrings.

They are also totally make-up free and look a bit washed out.

E Alt looks good because she's tall and skinny. A size 12 midget like me would not look like that in her exact same clothes. Ever. Period.

I have just read the whole thread, and am now all tizzy because I have just had a 20% voucher code from Boden and was going to buy a pencil skirt.

Help! Do I buy it? If so,what do I wear on top (imagine working in a freezing office, which needs a complete deep clean, and dealing with bereaved clients all day. Oh, and doing the school run in it....)

This is an interesting thread! I'm a 16-18 and quite an hourglass shape. Too much tummy still sticks out, but Pilates has improved my posture a bit, and I walk or go to a dance class every day.

I'd love some edgy pieces, but to achieve that look, you need no curves.

I'm sure I look frumpy some days - I look AWFUL in skinnies, and have to resort to boyfriend jeans or bootcut.

Oops... Earlier I complained about kitten heels but think I got the name wrong. I meant those high heel shoes that are open at the back and are considered somewhat 'sexy' but make the wearer walk clompclomp like a horse.

Now what are they called?! They are dreadful but often loved by the mutton dressed as lamb sexy mum brigade...

Sling backs?

I think there was a strong puritan culture in England in the 1950s and women were discouraged from dyeing their hair/wearing make up etc as they were the kind of things women who were 'no better than they should be' did. That must have had as impact on those women and the way they view themselves. Thank goodness things changed in the 1970s and 80s.

Really? Don't think so, My mum was born in the 1920s and wore make up all her life. Clearly there was a shortage of stuff during the war, but women still liked make up, clothes and hair dye. I recall my mum changing her clothes and putting on lippy before my dad came home from work- and I was about 5 at the time in the 50s.

I find it really hard to get interested in what I look like.

I am 45 size 12-14 (varies between the two) with a long back and saddlebags and dress for comfort/ease/cheapness (black top/cardi/tights/shoes/patterned skirt for work, leggings for casual. hair in low ponytail and no make-up).

I wish I could motivate myself to take more trouble. I know I make my first judgements of how "together" other people are by their appearance and yet even that doesn't inspire me to try harder.

My mum was horrified when I didn't get all my hair cut off at 30 as that was the thing to do apparently. Yeah, maybe in the 60s.

In the 60s women were growing their hair long- hippies?

Not in the North of England they weren't pinkfrocks!

Stupidhead my mum has been fussing nagging about my getting my hair cut since I turned 30 too! It's shoulder-length these days rather than halfway down my back & I'm 49 with no plans to have it much shorter - if anything, once I've grown out the roots & gone grey I'm going to grow it

She has always had very short hair, although she recently argued with me about this, saying she once grew it long "it was just below my jaw"

Yeah, the swinging 60s didn't reach oop North until well into the 70s.

Exactly Witchway! Im 46, my hair is past my bra strap and it's staying!

I remembered the frumpy shoes ! Not slingbacks (thx pink) but MULES! Fricking awful!!!! Super frump out on the town!!

stupid oh yes we were ..... ( long hair up north in 60s...)

I don't look frumpy when I wear my metalhead clothes because I'm really tall and thin and everything is tight and black. I also think I look pretty good when I run around in my gym wear, too (capri leggings, a long, flowing long-sleeve tee and plimsolls - all in grey and black). But that's because I have this delusion that I look like Gwyneth Paltrow or something.

And I'm pretty good with the eyebrows and makeup. My hair is.... excitable so is often a frizzy mess no matter what I do, at least when I'm outdoors. I can tease it up all scary or put it in a ponytail.

Oh! There is one "frumpy" issue with being a metalhead: very few bands sell shirts in a woman's cut. All my band shirts make me look as if I actually have the torso of a slightly lumpy boy. Some women get very creative and do a lot of slashing and putting in laces for the bust, etc. I suck at that stuff.

It's when I dress "normal" that I flounder. Tailored/woven fabric clothing intimidates me. I like things that cling to my body. I like everything being black jersey.

So, I bought myself a really nice, classic black suit from Long Tall Sally - I got the jacket, the trousers (wide leg) and the skirt (longer than I would usually wear, but flattering cut.) Then I was just stumped for what to wear as a top. Utterly flummoxed. Luckily, I realised that I had a peacock blue satin blouse. I look fucking marvellous in this.. except the shoes. I wanted shoes that I can walk across town in briskly, but looked smart. I put on my suit with some sensible black clark's (shudder!) and went to House of Fraser and tried on lots of shoes. I thought I'd need a mid-to-high block heel, but it turns out I needed a kitten heel! This is for the trousers, only. I wouldn't wear them with a skirt because they do make me look like I'm going waterskiing. But with a nice, wide trouser they look very smart and show just the hint of sexy stiletto. Love them.

No idea what to put on my feet with the skirt, though. I hate low heels with my big feet and skinny legs. Will try to find a workable pair of mid (2 inch) heels that look good AND are walkable. Honestly, I don't think the skirt will be worn if it involves a lot of walking.

pencil skirt and grey cashmere?
I like cashmere with leather, leather knee length 70s cut skirt and cashmere mmmmm

frumpiness=anti-style
ergo it is the opposite of style
and one woman's style is another's frump ; both ends of spectrum hard to define
agree clothing not fitting the occasion, or mismatched,

the song is playing in my head ''keep young and beautiful, it's your duty to be beautiful'' but I pick comfort every time

I am going to investigate ''kick flares'' as skinnies look hideous on me at the mo

I seem to tick a lot of the frumpy boxes on all these lists:
No accessories - baby not compatible.
Low ponytail of flat thin hair - losing vast chunks daily due to post-preg hormone changes, ponytail covers up the balding bits.
Too much Boden - it's the only reasonable stuff I own.
Birkenstocks or plain flipflops all summer.
No makeup/nail polish.
Terrible posture.
Clothes all a bit big and shapeless - big tops to pull up for BFing, ill fitting trousers due to vast waistline since baby#2.

With me it's not so much size as shape - I'm 2st overweight but I don't care about the number on the scales, it's that I can't find clothes that fit anymore.
Trouser waist has to be huge to fit the tummy in, which means the bum and legs are saggy. Tops have to be loose/soft so I can BF in them, but this means they are very unflattering on my still-looks-pregnant torso, clinging to the overhang or looking like the Big Top Tent at the circus.
My skin and hair are a disaster, and I slouch like an orangutan.

The worst thing is that I am now as frumpy on the inside as I am on the outside. Not a pleasant thought, but true.

Surely 'kick flares' is a new name for bootcut which have been vetoed by style queens. The best jeans imo for dumpy legs are straight legs. Boot cuts make me look like a cart horse - I hate them, and skinnys make me look like an overweight carrot. Straight legs in a dark colour at least draw as little attention as possible to the legs, and with a decent heel can look OK. But I am so often dfrumpy that this attempt to defrump could be wrong.

Ah I really don't like straight leg on me. My legs are long and quite slim but straight leg jeans in my waist and hip size are horribly baggy on the leg. So I stick with skinny .