What makes a person frumpy?

[Ladyfoxglove]

I'm feeling decidedly frumpy at the moment. Whilst trying on some old clothes the other day, I caught sight of myself from the back in a full length mirror and I look just like my mother did twenty years ago horrors!

The trouble is, although I'm looking at all the nice new clothes around about now I can't decide what to get. I get my hair cut and highlighted regularly (shoulder length, straight) and I'm 5' 7" and reasonably slim, instead of the effect I'm after (sophisticated, slightly edgy but natural), I'm more average 46 year old frumpy, boring woman from the Midlands. I can't pinpoint where I'm going wrong.

I look similar to Kate Winslet but I'd rather look like kristen taekman (sorry for Real Housewives reference but that's the look I like).

Any suggestions?

Handbag Please show us the unicorn dress!

Good point, Jimmy. I think a lot of it comes down to how you wear clothes. The essence of frump is probably the opposite of the French idea people were talking about above. You basically get the vibe from people who don't care what they look like - not in the sense that they don't care what other people think they look like, but in the sense they almost don't have the self-worth to care what they look like, or don't think it is worth buying clothes that look ok.

As I mentioned before, you could have two people in the same outfit - a cliched outfit other people are talking about, jeans and walking boots and a t-shirt, maybe - but you could get a completely different vibe from both of them. One will be wearing it because it is practical and thus they are happy in it, one will be wearing it because they've complete lost their way.

Strangest thing, having moved back and forth from UK to California. In the LA suburbs, i end up totally frump. Completely in the practical mom uniform of jeans and tops, sneakers or flat sandals, growing my hair out and ending up with it in a ponytail mostly, or worse, pigtail braids. Everything I do seems geared to hiding out, even my dressiest clothes being the sort of womenswear that is displayed in matching ranges: the skirt or the pants, the blouse or the tshirt, the jacket or the cardigan, and a choice of scarves and costume jewelry that matches. I end up with this because i get out of the habit of shopping. For everyday wear I fell into picking random items off sale racks, and when dressing up is needed, i rush out in a blind panic the day before. Or morning of. With no time to shop, i end up in the department store with the matching ranges. (Is this what you guys see as wrong with M&S? Because I dont see their stuff as that awful. Awful, but not THAT awful. BHS is THAT awful. ) Shoe wise, with feet shaped like a ducks, athletic shoes were often the only things I could find in the US, except for orthopedic shoes. Gross. Maybe thats why I ended. Up dressed so blindingly dull: forced casual shoes?

Then, back to the UK, where i have lived near London, and now in Glasgow. i find myself buying much more interesting clothes. Shockingly colored things with all sorts of interesting details. I indulge my preference for shades of purple, and embroidery. Partly because I always drop weight here (no car) i think, and I can fit into the top sizes of regular instead of the low sizes of 'womens' ranges. And, since I have to buy shoes regularly (no car, walking wears shoes out, who knew?) I find my self buying more interesting shoes. given my wide feet and some arch issues, clarks is very useful, just have to avoid that one corner with the orthopedic shoes. I have been able to shop in other shoe stores, but super high fashion and heels are a no. And, since coats and scarves andhats are needed, i have found myself choosing some pretty interesting options. Maybe just because they are needed, while back in California, Spending much on that kind of accessory seemed pointless.

I am not a daily jewelry wearer, because i am a fidgety person, and I break things.

I want a unicorn dress!

moly:* I love Miss Marple clothes!

This discussion is making me want to fully embrace my frumpiness and revel in it. Tomorrow, I will be wearing Doc Marten mary janes, opaque plum tights, a tweed skirt, a teal cardigan and pearls. I shall wear my hair in a messy bun.

And I will feel fabulous*

The thing is: you arent being frumpy. You have embraced a style, Miss Marple Frump, and seek to look fabulous in that way. Very different than simply wearing practical Clarks Mary Janes, neutral tights, and cardigan and skirt of nuetral and matching shades. With hair neatly combed and ponied, or maybe twisted and clipped with a big claw. Or, cut quite short and permed like my grandma wore it? (And i am 49, so that style is decades over.)

There were women in california who pulled of the jeans, tshirt' trainers and a ponytail fabulously. They tended to weigh half what I did, stand several inches taller, and buy designer versions, grocery store clothing dept.

Yy. I don't find it depressing either. I'm reminded that it's okay to spend some time/cash on myself. For instance, have been wearing hideous stretched stained T-shirts and no bra at home because I only have 3 ancient nursing bras and baby was going through sicky phase and I didn't want him to barf on my bra because of lack of alternatives. I've ordered an Ewa Michalak nursing bra to see if the bras live up to the hype they get on S&B bra threads!

I've also ordered a few things from Topshop in a size that should fit now, not at some mythical time in the future when I've lost the baby weight. Big challenge just now is bf friendly clothes...

My Grandma was the epitome of chic right up till she died. She wore good quality clothes and being the wife of a tailor she knew what to look for in terms of cut, stitching etc.

I remember being at a party once and she wore a black pencil skirt, heels and a stunning emerald green blouse. My friends were in awe of her for being so beautifully dressed and on trend.

Frumpy just means unstylish, unfashionable. Some practical clothes can be stylish - like the recent Barbour revival, biker boots, leather jackets etc.

Frumpy = dowdy. A good example is the entire Boden oeuvre. Ghastly geometrics, drab flowers, sludgy colours, always cut wrong. The best you can say about it is that sometimes you can pick up a cardigan that doesn't look like it's from Boden.

The other offenders in my book are Jigsaw (whatever happened? It was great in the 80s and 90s). More Bodenesque sludge florals, ill-fitting dresses, endless teal and purple. Drab drab drab.

M&S is a given, Next, and my other bête noire is Clarks.

I disagree with the Clarks comment. I think they've nailed it recently. The hamble oak brogues are great.

But their brogues are nice

Brogues are bastards.
Fucking ugly bastards.

I like Boden and have picked some lovely stuff mostly plain colours and the quality is good. Don't like big flowers

They speak highly of you, oh ugly one!

I didn't mean ugly, I meant bloody, where did I get ugly from? Ha ha

You may have been right the first time!

I'll have a look.

We are not running ourselves down on this thread, no way Jose.

They even manage to ruin brogues, I don't know how they do it.

Boden, m and s etc are great if the styles suit you. I'm a classic pear, so suit crew necks, roll necks, bootcut jeans etc, but not low cut tops. Therefore, a low cut dress would look hideous on me, whether it's from marks, boden or Stella mcartney, but a higher neckline looks great.

Also, certain colours suit my skintone, whilst others makes me look dull.

I remember going to costco once with a friend. We both bought the same coat. She automatically picked up the cream one, and me the red. We would have looked dowdy in each other's coats.

Brought some brogues from next as they looked great on other people. They made me feel frumpy.

Oi, I like the odd bit of Boden You just have to be careful.

I also think this thread is fine. I'm normally wary of words that don't have a male equivalent but I think you can argue that frumpy is largely (if not exclusively) a female condition. To me, it means giving up on yourself because you think you're too old or because you're run ragged with childcare or whatever and you feel you just don't matter.

By the way I also think it's completely different from not caring because you're just not interested in clothes. For example, I may not much like how Camilla Parker Bowles dresses but I would never say she looks frumpy; she just looks like she doesn't give a shit and why should she?

I am a frump and proud of it.

Two strap Birkenstocks with no nail varnish.
Jeggings in bright colours
Tunic tops
Hair in low pony tail.
Little make up.

I don't give a fuck

Disclaimer. I draw the line at JDWilliams

Brogues are fucking grim on me too, Rivercam