What makes a person frumpy?

[Ladyfoxglove]

I'm feeling decidedly frumpy at the moment. Whilst trying on some old clothes the other day, I caught sight of myself from the back in a full length mirror and I look just like my mother did twenty years ago horrors!

The trouble is, although I'm looking at all the nice new clothes around about now I can't decide what to get. I get my hair cut and highlighted regularly (shoulder length, straight) and I'm 5' 7" and reasonably slim, instead of the effect I'm after (sophisticated, slightly edgy but natural), I'm more average 46 year old frumpy, boring woman from the Midlands. I can't pinpoint where I'm going wrong.

I look similar to Kate Winslet but I'd rather look like kristen taekman (sorry for Real Housewives reference but that's the look I like).

Any suggestions?

I can't wear brogues at size 8 I might as well buy men's shoes then.

Agree with poster upthread who says Boden is frumpy.

I so agree.

It is deliberately frumpy for women who don't want to look sexy, according to Johnny Boden himself!

And nothing wrong with that.

But yes, in other words:frumpy

A lot of it is like kids clothes for grown ups!

Now what do we call men who dress in baggy shorts, stripy kids-style polo neck and crocs???

Boden can be very frumpy just thrown out one of their stylised flowery dresses on the strength of this thread

It is possible to be stylish without being fashionable. People who look good dress in things that suit them, rather than in a way that they feel they ought. The height of heel isn't particularly relevant, but the shape of heel is.

Hairstyles can be frumpy, especially if they're very dated, likewise makeup.

A lot of it is like kids clothes for grown ups!

My god, that's it exactly!

Also don't agree everything single thing in Boden frumpy. Plenty of plain reasonable quality stuff which can be put together with other pieces to produce a stylish look. Not all is covered in 'fun' patterns.

And agree Size 8 not too big for brogues.

Most frumpy sort of hair is the ' too neat' look.

i'm the very definition of frumpy. I waver between:

(1) hooting with delight and high-fiving SolidGoldBrass for her attitude, when faced with rude Parisians being stuck-up and needlessly rude about my appearance (trainers, old jeans, hoody, no makeup, Boots 25 quid glasses, hair in ponytail, sometimes hair oh my goodness looking frizzy or unbrushed in a ponytail). My natural state is hiking gear, so it's a good thing I normally live in a country where it would be considered totally normal to walk to work in goretex trousers when it's raining. I run >100km a week and have the figure to go with it (legs like tree trunks, sylph-like body). Nothing looks good on me except hiking gear, to be honest.

and

(2) feeling utter despair when I have to go out to dinner with my exceptionally slim, stylish, beautiful, well-mannered, collected, thoughtful MIL and SIL. In their company I look like Oscar the grouch - same expression, same eyebrows, same grooming of fur. Inevitably, I am scrutinized by all present, feel scrutinized, my extreme self-consciousness kicks in and I say nothing all night. Their enduring image of me is someone looking miserable and dowdy, whose clothes never fit properly. DH's enduring image of me is of someone stressing for weeks about seeing his family, impulse-buying new clothes that don't fit well, not enjoying the occasion because I'm so self-conscious, and taking weeks to recover. And doing it all again 6 months later.

Female relationship to appearance is just shite.

I think dressing in your 50s which is what I am is much harder than any other age!!

I think tummy fat ages and frumpifies women more than excess padding anywhere else.

And clumpy "sensible" shoes. And absolutely everything in the Per Una range at M&S.

Agree with those who say posture is very important! As is a good uplifting bra in the right size (which thanks to Mumsnet I now wear!!)

All those who say 'I dress frumpily and don't care give a shit' aren't frumpy! You have self confidence/belief and this is what stands out.

I would describe a frump as either someone like me - I've lost my way since becoming a mum/have limited cash/have limited opportunities to shop/low self esteem. So I don't want to stand out and don't prioritise myself at all.

Or it's someone who does spend time/money but chooses unflattering items/colours.

Two of the most stylish women I know are in their 60s. I keep telling myself I may look as good one day! I also have a friend of my age who has even less cash or time but always looks stunning. She is beautiful though which helps a lot

Has someone already said hiking boots worn as trainers/everyday shoes?! Argh! I told my mum off so much for this!

Is same jewellery every day really a frump flag?! I change my earrings only for parties (gold studs with yellow sapphires as standard) and wear the same gold bangle and ring all the time but I am very lazy.. I think I am quite fashionable with clothes though!
I've stopped painting my nails as it's too much effort and maintenance as are gel nails .. They are just filed and neat.

I've had a knock to self esteem the last year or so however and found I dress less bravely and avoid making a statement with clothes.. So I think that affects it a lot. Because you don't really want to be noticed. But dressing a bit less "safely" if I feel like it does make me feel more confident!!

Love wearing Chelsea boots instead of heels with trouser suits - cool not frumpy

I work in the City btw

If I wear a (pencil) skirt smart flats on the way and heels under desk

I like wool tweed suits but wear them with mega heels trendy glasses and sometimes lipstick

I have v thick long hair that needs to be in ponytail or bun unless I have had time to wash and style it properly which takes fucking ages

As soon as I'm done having kids (I.e. Will never be fat again) I'm cutting it all off in a pixie crop (I get moon face when pregnant it is not a good look and short hair makes it way worse)

I wear it in plaits when doing exercise but it's still really hot and heavy I hate it

Think short, edgy grey hair with lipstick looks great so will be rocking that when I'm older

Currently a few greys but not noticeable
I am 28

Caught up with the thread and think some have misunderstood what I meant re 60-70 year olds.

At 40-50 one does not particularly want to look like a stylish 60-70 year old.
Yet I think the shops haven't made a distinction. I do not want to look like my mother, beautiful and amazingly well dressed though she is.

It can't be caring how you look versus not, as some people who don't care look great. It can't be comfort versus discomfort, as many uncomfortable things are frumpy and many comfortable outfits can be chic.

Very well said temporaryusername

Frumpiness could not be diagnosed by a computer or an algorithm, it's something that needs a human brain to dstinguish.

Too many posters have taken the position of are you calling me frumpy?. We can't SEE you, so of course we are not calling you frumpy.

I think men reach frumpydom when they start wearing brown. Once the beige comes in there's no going back.

Unicorn dress

www.asos.com/lashes-of-london/lashes-of-london-unicorn-print-dress-with-heart-cut-out/prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=3812372&clr=White&SearchQuery=unicorn

I told myself I was too fat/old and then thought fuck it! I want a unicorn dress! It's a bargain too I think :) I don't know how identifying an individual as frumpy is going to help raise their self esteem though if that's the difference between feeling that way and not feeling that way.

A lot of it is like kids clothes for grown ups!
YYY to that - Boden in a nutshell.

Now what do we call men who dress in baggy shorts, stripy kids-style polo neck and crocs???
Silly-looking/TTH to look dressed down/juvenile/Peter Pan?

I agree with the idea of women in their 40s/50s not wanting to look like their mothers. My mother is a very well turned out 80. But you can tell she gets her idea of what constitutes 'well turned out' from the 40s, 50s and 60s. When she goes out to the post office she looks very slightly 'glamorous' but without any makeup besides tinted moisturiser and a little lipstick it's hard to describe he actual look but she looks good. The 70s were her mumsy decade, and she was completely adrift in the 80s she dressed like a nun who was recently allowed to wear mufti but trying to look like a nun all the same. She finally got back into her stride at the end of the 90s.

TooExtra
I know shopping in charity shops has been cited as an example of 'frumpy and proud', but I always found nice breastfeeding-friendly and losing-pregnancy-weight-without-spending-a-fortune-on jeans clothing in places like that. Not old, stained or moth-eaten at all, but I know all charity shops are not created equal. There really is a lot of Gap stuff going for a song if you find the right one. I still do a lot of my clothes shopping in charity shops, especially for jeans and trousers and good quality sweaters and blouses.

Boden is not all frumpville.

I buy perhaps 1-2 items each season- last year it was the wool Bistro trousers as work clothes, and this year I'm trying the pink tweed mini which I intend to wear with a cashmere jumper or cardi, and knee length boots. it hasn't arrived yet so I am reserving judgement.

I have a lovely Boden 3/4 length charcoal winter coat- 100% wool- which has worn incredibly well. I don't have any patterned or floral or fun items.

I think the pink tweed mini is quite a preppy item and a long way from many of their prints, especially those that are described as 'fun' in their blurb. Same with the bistro trousers.

the Boden stuff is great, 2 coats, boots, lovely bag, umpteen jumpers and cardigans, various skirts, Audrey dress last year, swimwear. lots of tops.

my dds wear the odd piece, today 19 year old in navy and cream bretton

Haven't read the whole thread but imo frumpy is badly fitting, thrown together clothes. Now off to read the rest!

Having read this thread my take is that frumpy is...

Not trying...so lack of self- confidence/esteem means that you stop thinking about what/how you wear something. Your wardrobe ages, doesn't fit or flatter. Been there done that.

Or at the other extreme...trying too hard and sticking to what know so for example you match a patterned skirt with a coloured top in one of the colours with the pattern. You match your accessories. Basically, my mother.

I feel very lucky i have enough money to update my wardrobe occasionally but struggle to find the time and end up just wearing supermarket clothes and feeling frumpy because they are cheap looking and don't fit me well.

I've just forced myself to spend time and money buying new work clothes. Then i went through my wardrobe and took out all the clothes i felt frumpy in and filled up a massive bag of work and casual clothes. Now someone else might judge me as frumpy but i like what i'm wearing, and as many people have said, it's all about how YOU feel.

amothersplaceisinthewrong ... what is it with Per Una? My daughter told me she'd heard or read of someone saying if you wear Per Una clothes you inevitably look just a bit loopy, away with the fairies.

Worst mistake in my book is when people 'go floaty'. If you're getting fat, get a grip. Going floaty doesn't fool anybody, you just look like a ship in full sail in that kaftan thingy.

Cold weather clothes encourage more frumpiness than summer ones do. Again, they add BULK. Not great. A handyman complimented me on having lost weight. I HADN'T; it was just that the last time he saw me I was wearing a sort of teddy bear fleece artist's smock sort of affair. It was winter, and it (the smocky thing) is SO-O-O-O warm....

I agree that fashion at the moment is Uber ugly and unflattering;the patterns, the cuts, the colours. I have also noticed in my occasional window shopping forays that fabrics in even the "better" high street shops seem to be getting cheaper and tattier.
To me Frumpy is partly attitude, but it's also cheap fabrics that don't fit right, or hang well. That super thin jersey (which should be outlawed) and that sort of polyester everything seems to be made of now just make me shudder to touch them.
The classic "Frump" librarian look isn't frumpy at all-it's a style choice. I think what the OP and others are feeling is the opposite; not really choosing, just dressing in things you thing are OK, or will cover your bum or whatever.
I really never shop, except for absolute basics like t shirts and tights, and if I do buy something it's in a charity shop, but even then I need to really really like the item. It sounds weird, but I ask myself if I would still buy it if it was twice the price. That stops me buying it cos it's cheap!
The last thing I bought was a grey wool tweed sort of bell shaped knee length skirt. Very Granny, but not frumpy, worn with the right thing, and with confidence.
Buy what you love, and what fits, and feels good to touch, and wear it with confidence. Like the poster with the Margaret Howell raincoat

Yeah, Per Una IS frumpy, but....the only Per Una thing I own (via charity shop) is a strapless denim dress, which is AWESOME!

Agree with funnyperson and frills.

Today was wearing breton top (fitted) and jeans skirt (supposedly just above the knee but as I am tall, it came up a bit shorter.)

Hair in ponytail (fuck-it-it's/the -weekend-hair-style).

Well, the car wash dude asked me out to his brothers' restaurant.

Bit of a surprise for forty something in frumpy wear.

He was Greek.

And I had watched Shirley Valentine only last week.

But I still said no thanks.

But what a surprise.

Maybe men don't gave an internsl frumpometre.

Maybe he asks everyone.

Maybe I shouldnot drink two glasses of wine on an empty stomach and then go on MN

Maybe I should go now.