What makes a person frumpy?

[Ladyfoxglove]

I'm feeling decidedly frumpy at the moment. Whilst trying on some old clothes the other day, I caught sight of myself from the back in a full length mirror and I look just like my mother did twenty years ago horrors!

The trouble is, although I'm looking at all the nice new clothes around about now I can't decide what to get. I get my hair cut and highlighted regularly (shoulder length, straight) and I'm 5' 7" and reasonably slim, instead of the effect I'm after (sophisticated, slightly edgy but natural), I'm more average 46 year old frumpy, boring woman from the Midlands. I can't pinpoint where I'm going wrong.

I look similar to Kate Winslet but I'd rather look like kristen taekman (sorry for Real Housewives reference but that's the look I like).

Any suggestions?

I think the frumpy is practicality not stylish thing is really tipped over when clothing has been picked purely for practical reasons with no attempt at being stylish as well.

The walking in the rain thing - I know people who have never been hill walking, yet own walking/hiking annoraks (often from mens lines and completely shapeless) to walk to the station/school run. There are so many rain macs that would keep them just as dry and cost around the same. It seems a concious choice to buy the frumpy style.

You can get flat boots and shoes that are comfortable and stylish, it's the choice to only think about the practical aspect when buying that tips it over.

People on here have got very defensive, because it is hard to hear "you could have got something that looks a bit better" if you have thought you were doing "the right thing" getting something that's purely practical.

There does seem to be a certain type of woman though who once they've become a mother does seem to think that fashion is no longer for them, they dress exclusively for practicality, and seem to revel in being "far too busy" for thinking about what they wear.

Exactly Pinkfrocks - women over 50 do not all look the same! This is why age related dressing threads give me the rage.

pinkfrocks - your post makes a lot of sense - I just don't see why a non-working 30-something should be wearing things that arent also suited to a non-working 50-something (or even 70-something) with a similar dress size and height.

While there's fashion that's more suited to the under 25s, which tends to be more revealing, there's not really a massive change again that means you have to change again what you wear (other than keeping up with current fashions/trends).

What you might need in terms of what you are doing for a living or not, and what your social life includes, then you might need different things, but there's no reason to decide you need "an old person's wardrobe" once you get to a certain milestone.

I love Miss Marple clothes!

This discussion is making me want to fully embrace my frumpiness and revel in it. Tomorrow, I will be wearing Doc Marten mary janes, opaque plum tights, a tweed skirt, a teal cardigan and pearls. I shall wear my hair in a messy bun.

And I will feel fabulous and not give a shit.

My mum used to say hair, shoes and bag are what makes you, so spend what you can on those.

(not sure that helps the debate)

also with Miss Marple I envisaged the Geraldine McEwan portrayal with carpet bags and long floaty garments as oppose to the more suited look of Joan Hickson or Julia Mckenzie.

long garments are far less maintenance imo

Agree with flo age is not an indicator although ime and for me weight is

The French have an expression about a woman being comfortable in her skin ( bien dans sa peau ) which I think suggests she looks attractive, not frumpy.

This nails it. Of course it's the French who thought of it .

Being bien dans la peau involves identifying your best feature(s) and highlighting them. For instance, wearing grey head to toes to show off a nice tan and well groomed face and hair.

After you have done the basic decision making, it's all about balance as a pp suggested -- don't let your clothes and accessories shout each other out. Do either eyes or lips but not both. Scarf or necklace. Necklace or bracelet.

On the matter of practical vs good looking -- there isn't necessarily a chasm between the two. Don't try heels if you can't walk in them and if they are simply not practical. Nobody looks good hobbling along. When it comes to practical clothes like coats you will wear a lot, go for dark items, and buy good brands - North Face, etc. Imo dark always looks more chic than anything earth toned or bright, certainly for autumn and winter, and quality nearly always looks good.

Go for style over fashion. Where style is concerned, menswear is always a reliable source of inspiration. Tailored shirts and trouser style denim trousers can look better on women aged 40 and up than skinny jeans but again, if skinny jeans look good on you then take that with a pinch of salt. Any classic style whether preppy or punk or rocker -- can look good as long as you don't look as if you bought entire outfits straight from catalogue pages or mannequins. Don't wear 'costumes' in other words.

Hair style -- if your hair is straight and doesn't have a lot of body and your skin is pale, avoid blond highlights because they are going to wash you out unless you are prepared to pay a lot of attention to contouring your face and defining your eyes. Auburn shades or shades of red can be far more flattering for a pale complexion.

Above all, get a properly fitting bra, watch your posture, and wear some nice perfume that lifts your spirits.

Sorry, can't read whole thread. But have you been fitted properly for bras? That makes a huge different to how clothes look, I find. A properly fitting bra can give definition to the waist. Sorry if that's repeat.

My mil is 80. Today she was wearing a navy skirt (don't know were from) and one of those jumpers with the knitted back, chiffon sleeves and floral silk printed front. She got it in Oasis she told me. The women amazes me, proof I think that you can look non frumpy at any age

I certainly don't think that lovely clothes and comfortable clothes are two different things. I'm in my 40s and I've lived much of my adult life in the damp west of Ireland and London, and I don't drive, so I'm on foot or on and off public transport in all weathers, and my clothes need to suit my need to move around quickly and easily, carry books and papers (so I often carry a satchel or a large-ish leather across the body bag), and be presentable on teaching days (am an academic).

I never wear heels - this time of year I wear biker boots or brogues - and I'm largely immune to fashion, have very few clothes, but what I have is expensive, good quality and cared for so it lasts forever. I wear wide-legged wool trousers, asymmetric skirts, long heavy linen tunics with a white shirt underneath, plain cashmere jumpers, wrap dresses, in black, grey, green, blue. Silver jewellery, and not much of it. I do have expensive outer wear for wet, cold weather, a beautiful waterproofed Liberty coat and a Margaret Howell mac.

Threads like this make me wonder how uncomfortable a lot of women are prepared to be in what they wear regularly - it's making a lot more sense to me now when I hear women talking about rushing to put on pyjamas when they get home, or 'slobbing around in tracksuit bottoms' if to look 'presentable' they feel involves discomfort...?

I pretty much live in jeggings/jeans and tshirts and vest tops/hoodies and zippers and vans. I wear totally minimal make up (foundation, coral lip pen and gosh bronzer), hair is pretty much always in a messy pony tail and is a not dyed natural light blonde and I always have my pink Hollister backpack. I have pale skin.

I don't think I look frumpy and I think this thread is mad, if I wore or saw someone with completely groomed hair/make up/high heels etc on all the time, I would think they were trying too hard and I would go .

Admittedly, I think I'm younger than this thread is aiming at (23) but have still had children and a changing body and obviously the potential to look really frumpy.

Frumpy can be so many things. I think a lot of it comes down to not finding clothes interesting or fun, though. The best advice I ever heard (might have been Gok Wan) was to only buy clothes that make you want to do a little dance because they flatter you so much/make you feel amazing. It takes time and effort to get there, though. I recently had to find a nice outfit to be photographed in 3 weeks post-partum and I spent a good 2 hours going from shop to shop getting grumpier and grumpier until I eventually found a dress in Next, of all places. (Btw, Next is second only to Per Una in the frumpiness stakes and DH had to force me to go into it because we were running out of shops.)

However, the key, IMO, is being able to make the effort when picking clothes to make sure you get only flattering stuff. The trouble is that lots of us either don't have the time to spend a lot of time shopping, or don't have much money so hang onto clothes well past their sell-by date and don't buy many new ones (me!), or don't have the confidence/self-esteem to keep trying when the first few things they try on make them feel hideous. The self-esteem thing also applies to things like getting regular hair cuts.

Hair is my big downfall - it's thin and mousy brown and scruffy (grr). My goal for returning to work after maternity leave is to actually start making an effort to blow-dry and style my hair rather than running out of the house with wet unbrushed hair and brushing it in the car. I know my hair makes me look much scruffier/frumpier.

Cheddar totally agree about Next being frumporama. That shop really makes me sad. As far as I can see, it takes fashion-led trends, dilutes them by about 3000, puts them through a bland-o-meter, then makes it in polyester. It always seems to be apologetic - nothing too lairy so as not to scare the horses. My heart sinks when I think about it.

Actually, there's something quite enjoyable in being frumpy. It really fucking annoys stupid people if you wear stuff that's comfortable and refuse to care. Especially if you alternate jeans-boots-jumpers with occasional forays into crushed velvet or spandex and then they all walk into lamp posts and have panic attacks and so on. I have always taken a certain amount of pleasure out of annoying other peope with my clothing from time to time. (I'm not a total barbarian, I can look just as boring as anyone else for a court appearance or a job interview, but it will all have come from Oxfam...)
The thing that totally boggles me about mundanes is the amount of money they are prepared to spend on really boring, 'safe' clothes when that sort of crap can be got really cheaply from the local market or a charity shop. Why would anyone shop at Next or Gap?

Actually, there's something quite enjoyable in being frumpy. It really fucking annoys stupid people if you wear stuff that's comfortable and refuse to care. Especially if you alternate jeans-boots-jumpers with occasional forays into crushed velvet or spandex and then they all walk into lamp posts and have panic attacks and so on. I have always taken a certain amount of pleasure out of annoying other peope with my clothing from time to time. (I'm not a total barbarian, I can look just as boring as anyone else for a court appearance or a job interview, but it will all have come from Oxfam...)
The thing that totally boggles me about mundanes is the amount of money they are prepared to spend on really boring, 'safe' clothes when that sort of crap can be got really cheaply from the local market or a charity shop. Why would anyone shop at Next or Gap?

Whoops sorry for double post.

It's o.k., my crush has gone a bit frumpy according to a lot of people. But I'd still love nothing more than to snuggle upto her (cardigan and all) watching a film!

Talcumpowder- your clothes sound lovely, and are the sort of thing that I want to wear once I have enough money to afford them again.

SGB, people shop at Next and Gap so they have clothes to donate to charity shops so other people can buy them...

SGB - You don't think that calling people " mundanes " is just a teeny tiny bit cruel???

I think it's the clothes, not the women. Really unflattering stuff seems to be in at the minute, presumably to prove how thin, tall and young one must strive to be to look good in very fashionable clothes.

This thread is sad though. Wear what the fuck you like, because you like it, not because you think it will fit in or make you look less fat or any other reason that's about what other people might think and about putting yourself down at the same time.

I just got a new dress with unicorns on, my toddler loves it! And I'll probably wear it with flats, no make up and my hair tied back in a ponytail as we go off on toddler adventures.

I have read the whole thread and, given that no one can agree on what 'frumpy' is, have come to the conclusion that it is just another aspect of the way that society likes to keep women on their toes.

I enjoy clothing, but think that 'frumpy' is a sexist/ageist term and hope to never find myself using it about a living person.

HandbagCrab your attitude prevents you from being a frump. You obviously have great self esteem. Although, actually I doubt a unicorn dress could ever be called frumpy (it sounds fab!)

I'm not getting a nasty vibe from this thread. It's nothing like those home decoration threads where people get slated for having brown leather sofas and family portraits on the wall and make you feel like absolute shit. This thread is highlighting (to me, anyway) that it is all about valuing yourself. If you are unfashionable/scruffy/clueless but happy and confident you aren't a frump. If you are completely dated but love the style anyway then you will still look good even if others don't like the actual clothes.

I am very guilty of the 'this'll do' attitude. I don't prioritise time for myself. I then feel very bitter when I see other mums looking fab because I have been using having 2 small DC as my excuse when it obviously isn't the reason. I have to be dressed to take DD1 out soon and normally I would just grab something clean (unironed) and scrape my hair back (why bother, no one looks at me blah blah blah). I will actually make an effort today to find clothes that flatter me and make sure I put some make up on.

I also don't think that this thread (originally) made a distinction between uncomfortable = fashionable and comfy = frumpy. It was mentioned earlier about people looking too styled being frumpy too. I wear a pack a mac when it rains (the type that folds into a little pouch when you don't wear it ). I know it makes me look crap. I'm sure if I made an effort I could find a raincoat that is more fitted and stylish. But when I bought it I didn't value spending time looking for a decent coat. I feel rubbish everytime I wear it. This thread has reminded me that I am allowed to look after myself too. I've found it really inspiring.

Ummm, you're telling us you look like Kate Winslet in build and facially? Seriously, you don't have a problem....you look stunning. In everything. In a bin liner too, probably.