Walking in a Crepey Wonderland!

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I couldn't see that anyone else had started a new thread, after Stropps carelessly finished the old one without starting a new one, so here you are.

It might also be useful to talk to Macmillan?

MI you are not a bad person!!

Oh Rudy PM? Tell us all!

MI indeed you are not at all a bad person. If the present financial arrangements are making you feel bad / aren't working from your point of view / don't feel fair you need a proper full and frank discussion with dp? Is the feeling bad do you think about assuming things about how he feels? Do you feel he thinks you "should" be earning more or whatever? You strike me as very hard working and busy juggling responsibilities. A "proper" job doesn't allow easily for much juggling and someone has to do the things that need doing and that seems to be you (I am thinking about the recent GP trip for instance for your dd).
I earnt far more than dh when we first met. Then we earnt about the same for years. Then he steadily earnt more than , in part because I was self-employed and I was the one taking time out for half terms / holidays etc. As the dcs got older we found it harder and harder to manage two full on careers and their needs. Something had to give. I now earn diddly squat despite being pretty busy, but I am properly available to do all the things that need doing and that dh who works extremely hard doesn't have time for. It's a very different arrangement from the one we had but it works for now for us. I don't feel the least bit bad about it (well not often).

And loving the thread title suggestion MI.
Was toying with Crepeys Keep Crepeing On... maybe next time

QQ is right - if you are worrying about earnings/spendings, then you need to have a discussion.

Love the thread title suggestions!

OPM, if you live near MI, maybe we could do a mini-meet close to you?

Re Friday, am I right in thinking
BTM
Stropps
MI
MrsS
addle
BD
CV
Lalsy
Herbs
Wilbur

are all definites, Auriga a maybe and Rudy a probably not?

And have I missed anyone?

Me! I'm coming... and looking forward to it.

QQ fab!

I need to sort train tickets, and who will be there at 6.00 so I know who to look for?

Hmm. I do try and talk about it; it's difficult. This time last year he was adamant I had to pay more into our joint account (I can see why: he pays most of his salary into it) but at least he's stopped trying to pressurise me into getting a full-time well-paid job - not least because I appear to be incapable of landing one (see guilt, shame, etc referenced above).

The problem is that essentially my work is an indulgence funded by him. It usen't to be the case (13 years ago I earned more than him) but it is now. And I am not sure how much my working pattern facilitates his in any case; in that he'd have been more than happy, when they were little, to do breakfast club and after-school club every day for them, and I was the one insisting that I'd prefer not. I think he very definitely doesn't realise how much my work does make it possible for him to work late or go away. And that I worry about half terms and holidays, and sort parties and sort out babysitters (if there is a gap. We don't go out much, mainly because I refuse to sort out a babysitter for that too.) But if I downed tools, it would all get done, I'm quite sure. So I don't even have that assurance to fall back on.

Sorry. I am wibbling. I'm not good at January

Oh mi
January sucks.
La vie en crepe is sublime.

MI :(. I think all of this is tough stuff. Particularly if circumstances have changed. For a long time I earned more than dp (he was primary carer when ds was small), then my career took a nose dive whilst his took off so for a while he paid everything. Now he earns more than me, but not by a huge amount. We have seperate accounts but that again is to do with approaches - dp just doesn't care about money and never has any idea how much he has/doesn't have (his parents paid a grand into his account and he didn't even notice), I on the other hand know to the penny..... Bottom line is dp just doesn't care, he'd sign the whole lot over to me and let me run the lot! He would rather I was happy and would live in a hovel than I earnt loads....

QQ, so sorry

QQ
BTM
Stropps
MI
MrsS
addle
BD
CV
Lalsy
Herbs
Wilbur

BD I will be there at 6, with Stropps

MI, I do not see how both parents can be in jobs requiring long hours when you have primary-aged children unless you have full-time care in the house. That is why I stepped down in my career (as you effectively have) And I then took on all the crap that is organising family life. Da de dah...

But there is light at the end of the tunnel - once both of mine started secondary, they became much more independent and could be left to their own devices for at least some of the time. Now DS is in Y8, he leaves after me and they both get themselves snacks, etc when they come in... And best of all, they no longer need a babysitter and infact DD is earning her own money babysitting

So in a couple of years, you could be looking at more and different job possibilities

BTM - fab - see you and Stropps at 6.00

What about Beachy? Auriga? Or have they said they can't come on Friday?

MI - I have always earned more than DP (even when it was a question of size of pittance), although it is complicated by the fact that he for example built our extension, makes all our furniture, saves us a fortune in plumbling/electric bills... And then last year we earned the same and this year he has definitely earned more than me. And I am having to fight really hard not to feel guilty about that even though I do far more of the domestic stuff and all of the domestic arranging and worrying. January is horrible.

I earn far far less than dh - and have done for years. And what he does is also more socially useful, which is not always the case in these unequal situations. But he has always worked very long hours, and I don't think that just has an impact in the childcare sense, it affects family life. So while I feel intermittently disheartened and not fulfilled with what I do, I don't feel guilty any more, because the set up does mostly work, most of the time, for us (the crunch for us would be impact on dh's health I think).

I agree with BTM though, once dc are old enough to be left alone, possibilities do open up (even if that leads you to the local wifi cafe just to get some space without people complaining that they have no pants). Working at home is very hard on the soul.

Oh dear, my crepiness abounds! Did you say you could come, Beachy (fingers crossed) and Auriga, do you think you will make it? (fingers crossed for you too!)

Hmmm...I do actually like being a freelance journalist and working from home; though I am separately concerned that I appear to have no marketable skills whatsoever. I enjoyed a lot of the working full-time that I did for 18 months but I like this more. I just wish I got paid more. And wasn't the default fall-back person.

Ooh, I shall start a new thread!

I like what I do sometimes too . I think working from home can involve a bit of fighting for time, space and visibility, and that is harder when the financial rewards are not great.

over here!