I'm allowed one S&B thread per year and this is it...

[ShowOfHands]

With the advent of the picture option on S&B, I thought it was probably about time I started my annual thread begging for help.

You'll all be horrified to know that I've already purchased a dress. I had a baby 11 months ago and have lost a lot of weight due to lugging him around. I'm also an entirely different shape and very little fits. It was necessary that I shop for the first time in two years. The dress is a done deal. I like it.

We have not one, but two weddings to go to. One of them is in the dead of winter, the other at the height of summer (so it'll be the same temperature at both of them and will no doubt rain). Winter wedding is in a medieval castle. I was thrilled when I heard. DH noticed and informed me that "if you wear that godawful velvet cloak, I will divorce you. You are not auditioning for a part in Merlin". Bastard. Anyway...

The summer one's in a church in Ireland, v Catholic, v posh. No doubt I'm not allowed to wear my cloak to that either.

The only shoes I own are Dr Marten's and the clumpier the better really. I don't wear heels. Is there something I can buy that is flat but will go with that dress and I can wear in winter and summer? Can I just wear tights in winter? I quite fancy some tan leather boat shoes. They're not really wedding wear are they? What do you wear at weddings? Do I have to wear a hat to the church (I have hundreds of hats, all ridiculous, one says 'ban the bomb' on it in tie dye, oh yes).

And what do I wear over it? Cardigan? Jacket? Er, my cloak? Money is very tight. I could KNIT something? That's probably a resounding no too, right?

Where's the picture gorn? It was there when I previewed....

OK I'm being dim but where's the dress?

Slightly different view. You can say horrible things about the dress if you want to btw. I have no taste, I am resigned to this fact. I will be wearing it regardless.

I can see the dress! It's lovely.

As for shoes, some smart ballet pumps?

Oh gawd, MrsCB. Tethers will be here next too. No mocking. I know I don't pass muster.

What about a little velvet jacket?

(I have no taste, by the way, and haven't bought clothes for a decade).

But that dress is lovely.

Showy I live for your S&B threads.

Ballet pumps are what the 13yos round here wear with their skinny jeans. Usually glittery and/or dirty. Do grown ups wear them too?

Dress is lovely. If it were me, I'd be wearing heels with it (not too high, or I'd break my neck!) But I guess you could get away with "pumps" I suppose .. I'm sure someone with better knowledge of these things will be along shortly!

I like the dress.

Little velvet jacket and little velvet shoes too?

These!

I have THREE velvet jackets. One is bottle green, one purple, one ridiculously multicoloured. I don't know that any of them would go. Wouldn't stop me usually but I'm 31 fgs, I want to look a bit put together just once. I also own no plain tights. I have spotty, patterned, leopard print (only blue leopard print) and various other abominations. They're a no no too I'm guessing.

You can get tights - that's easy

Last year you had a maxi dress thread, didn't you?
Something about "you can tell they have legs"

Ballet pumps are great for all occasions and dress styles. They are my default footwear.

Love the dress, how about a bolero style jacket or a velvet stole?

Whatever you do, look pretty. Don't ask me how.

Ooh Trillsy, I like those shoes. No good for winter I suspect, but I really, really like them.

No heels, no wedges. Flat only. Otherwise I'll be face down in the aisle with a bloody nose and/or walking like a tranny. Neither is what friends and family want on their special day. Although knowing the guests at the winter wedding what they want is a piss up and this time round for the bride not to grope the best man halfway proceedings. I married into this group of people, I am not genetically linked to them sadly.

these

Bugger. cant do the link

www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10001_10001_053010725160_-1?breadcrumb=Home~Sale~Women~Shoes+%26amp%3B+bootsthese

Okay, plain tights are like £5, so go buy some. I think the dress background is navy? So navy tights. Unless my monitor is messed and the background is black. Then buy black.

Trills' shoes are cute, but I think they are too much with that dress. That colour without the flower would be fine.

And I say, knit something! Why the hell not?

Oh ... no heels

Look pretty? There's about as much chance of that as me winning an Olympic gold. The goal is currently set as looking ordinary. I may consider make up for the first time ever once I've attained that.

The maxi dress was 2 years ago. I still wear it. It's a black, jersey, racer back, puddle dress. See these terms I'm familar with? It's not wedding material.