I'm allowed one S&B thread per year and this is it...

[ShowOfHands]

With the advent of the picture option on S&B, I thought it was probably about time I started my annual thread begging for help.

You'll all be horrified to know that I've already purchased a dress. I had a baby 11 months ago and have lost a lot of weight due to lugging him around. I'm also an entirely different shape and very little fits. It was necessary that I shop for the first time in two years. The dress is a done deal. I like it.

We have not one, but two weddings to go to. One of them is in the dead of winter, the other at the height of summer (so it'll be the same temperature at both of them and will no doubt rain). Winter wedding is in a medieval castle. I was thrilled when I heard. DH noticed and informed me that "if you wear that godawful velvet cloak, I will divorce you. You are not auditioning for a part in Merlin". Bastard. Anyway...

The summer one's in a church in Ireland, v Catholic, v posh. No doubt I'm not allowed to wear my cloak to that either.

The only shoes I own are Dr Marten's and the clumpier the better really. I don't wear heels. Is there something I can buy that is flat but will go with that dress and I can wear in winter and summer? Can I just wear tights in winter? I quite fancy some tan leather boat shoes. They're not really wedding wear are they? What do you wear at weddings? Do I have to wear a hat to the church (I have hundreds of hats, all ridiculous, one says 'ban the bomb' on it in tie dye, oh yes).

And what do I wear over it? Cardigan? Jacket? Er, my cloak? Money is very tight. I could KNIT something? That's probably a resounding no too, right?

Ooh how exciting - I love your S&B threads.

The dress is nice. For the Winter wedding, it really would be brilliant with your cloak, you know.

For the summer wedding, little red Chinese velvet slipper things would be fine.

Fgs don't wear boat shoes or your Ban The Bomb hat. :)

I was going for compromise, half dainty ballet/ half clumpy creepy creeper. Clearly you are what I imagine is called in the business, a tricky customer.

I am getting weirdly determined about finding you some shoes. I looked through 15 pages of 'em on Amazon. I mean why? Why would I do this?

how are you posting these pictures on? I had no idea it was possible...

Will think about shoes. I like the dress

they have a small wedge, but I think you'd cope

These?

I may be hounded from S&B.

these would look lovely

Edu

those are groovy

Step away from those creepers. I do not think that is a brogues dress particularly not at a wedding. You need to be cool and skiinny and very obviously ironic to pull off brogues and dresses I think.

Those velvety man style slippers are very fashionable at the mo for example

Or these

these might be up your street

This is a fab thread though and I want a cloak now!

Oh my actual God Show, I nearly did something indecent when I saw those velvet DMs!!

They are divine

Get those and get fishnet tights and a funky fascinator style hat and go all Helena Bonham Carter.

from office

sherbert

I think if dm did ballet flats they'd look like this

I'm off to look for jacket shrugs for you.

Are you on ravelry? I can link to patterns to make something!

wi a thin belt this would look great

same idea

crochet

Anything there tickle your fancy?? Do you want a head thing too??

That last lace one is gorgeous Team.

for the winter one

summer one

maybe a bit dramatic

My god, is it that time again?

Am I too late?

I like that big bow thing. I'd wear that with knobs on. And the cloche in a different colour is definitely me. I could make them easily.

Whoever linked the hot pink bow shoes, I likey. I've saved them to my favourites along with the red loafers and the creeper shoes. I like the creeper shoes. I know, I know. I don't like ballet pump type things really.

The velvet DMs make me feel all warm and fuzzy in the way I imagine other more normal people feel when looking at Johnny Depp. David Mitchell gives me the same feeling. I have fishnets of course and I am actually laughed at in my family for exclaiming positively over Helena Bonham C's clothes when the picture of them I'm admiring has been published in order to invite derision.

I don't understand cardies with belts. In fact I don't understand belts which aren't holding up trousers. Or massive oversized sunglasses. Or hats which aren't hats ie fascinators which look like either unfortunate roadkill or an attempt to cover up an unfortunate injury. I like proper hats. Ones where you see the hat coming and then clock the person underneath it as an afterthought.

Right...

"You need to be cool and skiinny and very obviously ironic to pull off brogues and dresses I think". I am the epitome of cool I'll have you know. When OED online adopt this insert a picture malarkey, they've requested a picture of me in my rainbow tie dye ban the bomb hat to post next to the definition of deluded cool. I am pretty skinny though. I tend to wear boots with dresses actually.

Edu, I am loving your dedication. Especially as I think we probably share a mutual lack of understanding of fashion.

I could wear my actual slippers. They have Sigmund Freud on them. They're Freudian slippers. See, cool and ironic.

I so want some Freudian slippers...

OK. Forget pumps

these would look great

or these

Ok, I think tan shoes and clutch and velvet/satin jacket.

shoes

bag

Jacket option 1

Jacket option 2

Jacket option 3

Jacket option 4

If you make the bow, can I have one too! I'll send the wool!! I haven't graduation to things of use yet! Just squares for blankets or scarves, which are really just long squares!!

What about these the epitome of cool

I love the first 3 jackets tethers, particularly the 1st (Amy Pond's had a hard paper round, no?). No 4 screams 80s boardroom and that poor wee lass needs a vest on.

Colour of those teal shoes is beautiful. Not sure about them with navy though. I would but not sure I should iyswim.

GlaikitFizz, I am horrified that you're mocking me. Jester shoes ffs? What do you take me for? Somebody who in all seriousness tried on a pirate jacket today? Okay, yes, I see your point.

Freudian slippers.

Ah Show I was looking for a light-hearted thread to cheer me up, I shall now a-bed chuckling at your Freudian Slippers.

Unfortunately, I have no help to offer with your outfit. The dress is lovely, but I would wear heels and just walk like a tranny. I love the idea of velvet DMs and fishnets with it would go brill with the cloak

P.s why are there no pics of the cloak? You know it's what we all want to see most of all!

Cloak pic
Cloak pic
Cloak pic!

Thank you in advance.

I do love the annual pilgrimage to Showy's Shrine of Fashion Wonderfulness. Where else do you find cloaks, jester shoes and pirate jackets on the same thread

:o