Started looking old overnight - has this happened to anyone else?

[GeriatricBabyMama]

I'm 35 and until I had my DS (18 months) I always used to get told I looked years younger than my real age. When I met DH, who's 5 years younger than me, he thought I was in my early 20s not early 30s and if anyone asked me how old I was, they were always shocked when I told them.

Anyway, I know it shouldn't matter but since having DS I've started ageing mega fast. I've now got wrinkly knees, which I didn't think happened to people until they were in their 60s! Saggy elbows too. However, it's what's happening to my face that's come as the biggest shock. All of a sudden, and it really does feel like it's happened overnight, I've started looking a good 7 or 8 years older than I am. My upper lip is sort of caving in and I'm getting very noticeable smokers lines (haven't smoked for many years). And no matter how much water I drink, how much sunscreen I put on, how much fruit and veg I eat or how rich the cream I put on my face is, my skin looks dull and dehydrated and old. :(

I've swapped foundation for tinted moisturiser and have binned all my shimmery eyeshadows in favour of more subtle, matte ones but my face still just looks old. I know ageing is an inevitable part of life and there's nothing wrong with it but I'm still finding this hard to deal with as it's happened so suddenly!

I'm finding it really hard to accept the 'new' me. Part of it is maybe that I've never been naturally pretty (small eyes, pale lips and horrible hyperpigmented uneven skintone) but until recently, makeup absolutely transformed my face. It was all smoke and mirrors but I managed to create the illusion of a beautiful pretty face. Now, the makeup no longer works its magic. It makes me look marginally less hideous but that's all.

Like I said, I know that ageing is normal and that I need to get over it but this stage (the realisation that my looks, such as they were, have vanished) has come as a shock and although I've been trying to accept it and even to embrace it, I'm really struggling :(

Has anyone else had this, where you seem to have physically aged very quickly all of a sudden? And how long did it take for you to accept that this really was what you now looked like?

By the way, I should say that when I say I look hideous I'm referring to my features, complexion etc not to 40+ women in general.

Ps am googling radio frequency facials, but I don't know if I can have another expensive habit!

Also looking at tone it up channel

Yes Jmangel about the weight. If I try to go down to my previous under 10 stone ideal, my face collapses! Once the collagens going, you need some fat to hold it up.
At 10 8, I look 10 years younger.

Also good scrub with a clean warm flannel every night and moisturise with almond oil. I've stopped wearing foundation, my skin looks so good.

Oh, I'm disappointed that this is a zombie thread! This has happened to me too - had DD at 36 at the time I looked in my late 20s; a few years later and I look older than my actual age! Argh! It was a huge shock to go from always looking much younger than my age to suddenly ageing very rapidly - skin texture, face shape, lines, put on weight...everything! Am trying to lose some of the weight but it's really hard and not very encouraging when you feel so past-it and invisible.

God, it is so depressing to read all these women being so hard on themselves. There is no such thing as looking younger or older than your age. You are just you. We are fed a load of lies by cosmetic companies about having smoother skin, or no lines, or plumper lips, or brighter eyes. And why? So we buy their products! It's rubbish!!

I bet you are all absolutely fucking beautiful. Every single one of you.

What did you have done please? Desperate!

I noticed I suddenly started ageing at 35 too. Didn't have kids till I was 37 so it wasn't that. I honestly think 35 is the tipping point.

Thank god SSYMONDS has come forward as one of those effortlessly glossy yummy mummies who we all see walking around in white pumps and skinny jeans and just KNOW it takes loads of money to achieve. Thank fuck for that, I finally know 😬😜

Have you lost weight? I heard recently that as women age and head towards peri menopause, their hormones and body shapes change. We have 2 choices- either be plump with fewer wrinkles, or skinny with more wrinkles! Sadly, I am the latter and hate how my face has wrinkled in the last year!

My face and body look like a saggy pie after having kids. I totally blame lack of sleep and reduced eater intake. I was basically only drinking coffee or gin lol.
Joking aside tho, increasing my water intake and reducing caffeine and alcohol has definitely made me feel and look better.
I also upped my skincare making sure I cleansed properly (something I never did- always going to bed with make up on throughout my 20s). I also added an anti aging serum before my nightcream and I do think its helped.
I got lots of great advice from a group I'm on on Facebook its called the beauty collective
www.facebook.com/groups/TheBeautyCollective/
They don't care if you are fat or old or don't have a clue, they will offer great advice. Its really improved my confidence to try new stuff too.
I think overall tho I need more sleep

ZOMBIE but......

5 years on did any of the advice work?

Is this the age you gave t start choosing your face or your bum, I'm slightly heavier than in recent years but I swear it plumps out the wrinkles a bit. When I lost weight I didn't feel so good. (might've been the lack of carbs!)

More expensive makeup was my friend when this happened to me

Also trying new makeup styles. As my eyes sag at the outer corners, a little bit of eyeshadow helps disguise it. Highlighter and blusher (done subtlety) help. I also use fake tan for. face which help me look less washed out. And a decent foundation. Clarins everlasting is my fave with Chanel loose powder.

Ultimately though this is going to happen to us all there's no 40yo in the world who looks naturally 21. We all can have a good window either side of our age though and I intend to keep on the younger side if it if I can. Some days are easier than others though!!

Five four - that's where fillers come in I think there's a huge emphasis on Botox when fillers can puff up the features. For those who would want it. Only small amounts though, the youngsters seem to use fillers to create what they haven't got (big cheekbones, fuller lips) whereas I think older people can use it very successfully to put back what is being naturally lost (hollow cheeks etc) rather than try to create cartoon-like fake features.

This thread really resonated with me. I was just looking at photo of me and my eldest son when he was almost 2.
I look so well, and I hadn’t dressed up for the pic. My hair is thick my skin is great etc.
My son is 9 now and I feel like an utter hag, my hair is thinning (!!) and I have jowls. JOWLS.

Not exactly overnight but I felt like the last 2 years I’ve really gone downhill fast. My hands are noticeably crepey and my skin is red in patches. I used to always think make up could fix anything, but not anymore in face of anything it makes me look worse, think Aunt Sally / Lilly Savage. I guess I am pre-menopausal but fuck me, it’s a lot to get your head around, especially if you’ve always managed to be reasonably well turned out most of your life.

Londonista - I know what you mean about Aunt Sally/lily savage! I used to be able to slap it on and look great but now I have to be more subtle. I guess it now just highlights the shadows instead of a youthful puff!

But I'm still a great believer in a good base, clean eyebrow area etc. Anything dark and smudgy used to look sexy and now it just joins up with the dark circles!

Dragon - yes I’m thinking I need a make up lesson on how to apply the slap these days.

I honestly never used to have to try this hard ... it’s bloody depressing.

I don’t mind the other ‘getting older’ stuff like random hairs cos I can just easily pluck those bad boys out. It’s just the other stuff 😔 jowls, hair, skin, crocodile feet etc.

My mum recommended haemorrhoid cream as a way of temporarily tightening skin on your face before a night out and it does actually work!

I had my only son at age 38. The sleep deprivation and stress (he’s autistic) have caught up with me now, at 55. I think you’re right to diet ha foundation and use tinted moisturiser. I’d also say forget bronzer and anything that doesn’t “lift” your skin tone. For me, that’s Clinique Iced Lotus blusher. It’s shimmery but a blue pink which lifts my complexion. Obviously, you have to get what suits YOU. Also, what about some highlights. I had some around my face (as it were) and that brightened me up considerably.

I could say drink lots of water/eat healthily/exercise but.....you know all that.

You’re not deficient in vitamins or needing a blood check with your GP?

Suki - interesting you say no bronzer, I too find bronzer makes things worse but highlighting products are good, also a blue pink suits much better than the coral or red pinks I used to wear.

Just googled iced lotus and it looks great, will try that thanks!

MyLittleDragon, I had an extensive collection of coral and plummy pink blushers and have had to get rid. I also gave up bronzer because I think it can enhance a summer glow but can’t create it, on an older face which has started to lose it’s natural ability to reflect light. Young skin is generally more luminous and in everyday life, in natural light, trying to create that artificially is a big ask.

I’m now a big fan of Laura Mercier Oil Free Tinted Moisturiser in Bisque as it’s a truly neutral shade so, it doesn’t give me any colour as such. The Iced Lotus on top, just perks me up in a way that “trying to look healthy” using a full on foundation doesn’t.

Took me years to get it right.

Another one you might try is Body Shop Hibbiscus 001 Lip & Cheek Stain liquid blush (like Benefit Benetint but less expensive).

OP, you could try a cream/liquid blusher.... more livening than powders IMO.

What oil cleansers do people who use them recommend?

And what's with the aspirin?? Why does that work?

Have you dyed your hair? If you pick the right tone it can really perk you up!
Eyebrows - shape and maybe tint?
A good moisturiser! Clinique are fab, so are boots botanics and the body shop.
Use a shimmery blusher - Nyx do one for about six pounds? Only use a little, it really helps!
High dose of vitamin c (1000mg) before bed after exfoliating and slathering on the moisturiser. Do this on a night you're guaranteed to get a good sleep (hard I know!!) and your skin will look amazing the following day
Oily fish - salmon etc in your diet. Tons of colourful veggies too!
A good multivitamin taken daily.

Hope that helps!

I felt like that when I was 40. Now I have to put a lot of effort into looking good. Following blogs and changing my clothes hair make up so as not to look old and frumpy. Also, it is inevitable so you have to learn to value older looking women yourself. A change in your mindset will mean you appreciate style and looks differently.