Stepping into 2012 in style, remaining WISE and AVID all the while

[Russianred]

New thread.

Sad to hear so many of you struggling today. Hope things improve soon, remember we are all here for you.
I remember being overwhelmed before dc2 too. I was much better before dc3 somehow.

carciofi, love your chat and links too.
Oh and red, it's the jeans. You are stunning.
Well done on the interview marsha, and best of luck for ds.

DS stopped napping on his 2nd birthday. Dd stopped at the beginning of last summer holidays when she was 21 months. She gets very tired though and I can put her to bed between 6.30 and 7. The summer holidays were a nightmare though!

Things are okay here. Dd has been having funny poos recently, then just at the weekend she came back to normal, only to have a relapse today. I have been thinking about it rather a lot, and have decided it was a) the Christmas cake that she loved and ate every day last week, and b) I finished the last of the mincemeat yesterday and she ate 2 mince pies. Would that be your professional opinion looby ?

New agnes arrived. Dear me I hadn't realised how much mine had faded!

Hi all,

Def something in the air at the moment- please can I join the down in the dumps gang?

MiM- dh and I aren't doing very well at the moment either and I am worried about how we'll fare when the newborn chaos is added into the mix. Have just cried reading annie's wise words and will take them On board

Red- you are so stunning- honestly. But I do feel your pain. Virtually every jeans and boots shopping trip I go on has me in tears due to calves and or thighs. Add wide feet and a wide ribcage into the equation and it's very difficult to find much at all that fits and or suits.

Pickled-thank you for reminding me about the navy blazer- yes I do like that . Sorry I can't make meet up-Anybody who is staying over- I can vouch for pickled as an excellent roommate- she brings food and spare tights (as does ollie who I would also recommend highly)

Carciofi- hope you're ok-as others have said we're always here.

Marsha- what a shame about the clashing interviews. I'm sure he'll he great with your dh though- can be a male bonding sort of thing maybe?

Hope everyone feels brighter soon- some sun would go a long way towards improving matters I think.

I

To all those worrying about the introduction of a second, I felt just the same, and just after the birth (and full of hormones) I was a wreck, wailing that we'd ruined everything and that DS would hate me. Roll on six months and they are the best of friends, there hasn't been a single second of jealous and last night I was laying in bed with my darling girl pressed against my tummy and my beautiful boy back to back with me, feeling for all the world like the happiest mummy alive, in spite of the potential pox.

It has been, and still is, bloody hard work and, I won't lie, DH and I have torn strips of each other at times, usually 3am, but we are stronger then ever and often bask in the glory of the wonderful family we have made together. It was fantastic just the 3 of us, it is even better with 4. Doubts and fears are totally normal, but will be unfounded, the human heart has no limits and I firmly believe whatever number of children we end up with will be perfect because they'll all be ours.

Aaah see jamies are just too skinny for me - jeans are just so tricksy - see the goldsigns did nothing for me and have concluded that j brands are just too low rise.

And dresses - well don't get me started on my indent

Tis our nature to focus on our defects unfortunately - I remember as a teenager asking my mother what my best feature was. Her answer 'your hands darling' - I mean seriously!

I love the Jamies pickled, great rise!

The Whistles coated skinnies have arrived from JL (which was pretty good going, given that I ordered them on Saturday afternoon for ordinary delivery.) Alas, they are going back..... They fit ok (slightly tight around the top, possibly hormonal/mince pie related....but I know through jeans experience that they will ease off a bit.) They just don't look as good on me as my Gap coated ones (that were £35 cheaper) so whilst I could wear them, I really have to be Wise and say no. The length is a bit of an issue as MrsRCB mentioned and because they look a bit short on me, I think if I wore them heels as I would want to do for a night out they would look odd.

How annoying.

I still do want another pair of coated jeans though, and I will continue to look, so all links welcome!

Sorry to hear that so many of you are feeling blue and I hope that it passes soon....

AmberNectarine*. This is beautiful:

It has been, and still is, bloody hard work and, I won't lie, DH and I have torn strips of each other at times, usually 3am, but we are stronger then ever and often bask in the glory of the wonderful family we have made together. It was fantastic just the 3 of us, it is even better with 4. Doubts and fears are totally normal, but will be unfounded, the human heart has no limits and I firmly believe whatever number of children we end up with will be perfect because they'll all be ours.

Thank you.

Aww.....

Thank you for all your lovely, lovely compliments. They have made me a little bit teary (must be something in the water today, just must be). Amber I'm going to order myself some 811s on your rec, hope for the best, and if not, well I shall have to buy 10 more dresses or something..! Relayed the tale of woe to DH and he told me I'm 'Fit as F*' so that's alright then.

MiM and Icey I felt exactly the same way at the same stage as you with both pregnancies. I felt really withdrawn from our relationship and that I actually had no more to give - the pregnancy takes over your body, you have a toddler to look after (obvs. not with a first pregnancy, but at that point I had 120 needy teenagers to contend with and you still have that now Icey, as do you the stress of work MiM) and you have nothing left. DH has told me recently that he feels very uncared for/unloved at times and I get frustrated for the aforementioned reasons but I do see where he's coming from. I know that he majorly stepped up post-DD (as he had to) and we had a real rosy period with the 2 kids and us and establishing our new family. But things are still tricky from time to time. Annie speaks a lot of sense. She gave me some excellent advice at out mini-MU, from which we've all benefited. I'm trying to laugh everything off a lot more and let things wash over me and it is working.

Blue you're going to love being a family of 4. Won't say much more as Amber has said it so beautifully, but perfectly normal to have these doubts. You'll be overwhelmed by your capacity for loving both of your babies.

Marsha DS will be fine with his Dad, but I get where you're coming from completely. It could be worth phoning the school and checking if you could rearrange - someone else may have found themselves in the same postion.

Hope DD is on the mend soon Bloss.

On the positive, DS is really loving pre-school and has already blossomed so much. Driving going well, although I had a complete panic in a car park today and convinced myself I was going to smash into another car, so had to ask a passer-by to park for me . Think this set off my depressive slump.

Well said red's DH!

What colour 811s will you get red, I have found the sizing erratic - I have 3 colours and 3 sizes!

I think red to begin with (have located but not at a cheaps as chips price). Will welcome advice on sizing. I have Indigo JBrand 910s which are a 26 and perhaps a shade tight, Black Nudies which are a 26 and perfect and Earharts which are a 24 and perfect (should discount those really). Should I go for a 27?

Ladies it's full moon. The tearfulness and DCs' sleeplessness will pass and red will feel as beautiful as we, who have met her in RL, know she is.

amber and annie I can so relate to your posts and feel blessed to be part of this thread, especially on days like today.

Annie and Amber your post's made me cry, not in a bad way but because of the the sheer raw emotion of them. You are both very wise. I do hope it will all come good in the end. I just wish he would see what I do/sacrifice etc to make life good for us as a family. His reaction to the jacket was a symptom of that. It hurt that he'd never think that I deserve a treat. Crickey, I am even walking around with uncoloured hair which I hate in order to save us money.

Icey I understand what you mean about being worried about how the relationship will fare with a newborn. One thing a friend told be lately is that whilst it's hard work, the confidence that comes with number 2 does help and you know that you've both got through it before. We will get through it together, with blue too.

Sorry to hear the coated skinnies have not been successful, but great to hear that some many of you are being wise and holding out for the right purchase to look amazing in.

Ladies - just stepping in to share these words by Lao Tzu.

--------

All things pass
A sunrise does not last all morning
All things pass
A cloudburst does not last all day
All things pass
Nor a sunset all night
All things pass
What always changes?

Earth...sky...thunder...
mountain...water...
wind...fire...lake...

These change
And if these do not last

Do man's visions last?
Do man's illusions?

Take things as they come

All things pass

------

Just a few words that might provide a bit of cheer for my favourite thread!!

I also feel very lucky and appreciative to have joined such a lovely, wise and compassionate thread. Thank you again for welcoming me in these past few months and for saying just what I needed to hear. DH just doesn't get how I'm feeling right now at all and just reading your astute, kind and reassuring words about both relationships and having another child has made me feel so much better.

Strange how so many of us have felt similar today. Really hope things feel just a little brighter now the day is almost done. red, you are clearly gorgeous and I envy your wardrobe. No one looks good in everything. I am as skinny as anything but hate hate hate my flat chest which makes so many tops look dreadful. mim and icey relationship wise I think having a baby is so tough; last time I actually felt I hated DH in the nightmarish days after the birth! This time I'm going to try really hard to focus on the long term and remember that ultimately, having another child will hopefully bond us even tighter together.

On more lightweight subjects... TS spotty trousers have arrived and are keepers, as far as I can tell. Great fabric and length. Might even send WIT a photo as she's requested for a laugh, bet it'll be the only one with a bump! The faux leather panel leggings and pink print slippers are going back though. The leggings are too tight even for me (even the TS Jamie's aren't always skinny enough for me; I prefer the Leighs). Shame, as the faux leather is actually really nice quality so might have a look for something along the same lines on the site. The slippers are fine but don't pass the brilliantly conceived Roxy test (thanks ollie, it's useful!).

Speaking of roxy, I'm still waiting for the cream but after hearing from hopefully (hello! Nice to have you here. Do stay!) I'm already ready to be disappointed by the colour. It is tempting to contact whistles cservice as a few of you have suggested but I still feel the price is too high for an item I'm still not convinced is really me. I haven't taken the tag off the TS one yet, but think I'm past the 28 days now.. Could always eBay I suppose. Perhaps I should bring to the Nottingham MU for opinions!

Finally, I too have ordered the whistles lily skinnies after getting swept away by the enthusiasm. Now wondering if they're going to be too stiff and loose for my liking but am still keen to try!

Thanks again for all the posts today; it's felt like being surrounded by friends. Sorry I haven't responded to everyone individually but thinking of you all. Here's to a happier day tomorrow!

Oooh, oooh! My name will be in lights tonight for anyone who is interested; this is the programme I have been working on. 9pm on Channel 4.

MIM- I missed your post a little before mine. Is there any way that you and your DH can steal a little time together before the baby is born? Could you get a babysitter for an evening/ weekend afternoon?
Real life is stressful for so many of us nowadays- lots of juggling children/ work, worries about finances, etc, etc leads to two stressed people trying to keep their heads above water without much left to give.
annie puts it much better than I do but try not to be hard on yourself and try to keep talking.

amber- lovely post

icey-I know what you mean re lack of "Roxy moments". I do sometimes feel excited but not "Roxy" excited if you now what I mean
I did feel somewhat excited about my Isabella Oliver dress the other day but now I'm a bit pissed off as it has been reduced even further!

marsha- hope interview goes well. I'm sure his daddy will be v proud! Is an interview quite normal in London schools at this age?

If it makes anyone feel any better, my two older DC are still up. Having eaten supper, they are both desperately hungry and need three pieces of toast each, which naturally gets dragged out as much as possible. This is what happens to my evenings- aaargh.

Great posts amber and red wise words indeed. And amber you are so right, love it infinite. I have no idea how but I have enough love for my family. Magic really.

Sorry people are feeling Jan is a bastard of a month!!! Still I am feeling better ( sorry me me me!!!!) am not shredding today as still a bit fragile but will be back with jillian tomorrow. Had my first day back at work today after fantastic Christmas break and actually was not too bad. Nice to see everyone again. Really!! Also my boss had some kind words which I am so thrilled about as I rate her opinion. Also my replacement Ash boots have arrived from My Wardrobe which is incredible customer service.

What wonderful, caring posts.
Can only echo whats been said. I was very aware that for a long time, DH was way down on my list of priorities and I know he felt it at times. I had a really bad 6 months after moving over here (lots of tears, bickering, resentment on my part that I'd moved over here and given up work, friends etc) but we eventually realised it was our different expectations that were causing a lot of the tension. Eg without fail, we used to have Saturday morning rows - DH wanted to stay home on Saturdays and enjoy the house and DS1 whereas I wanted to be up and out and about after being at home all week. So, we started to discuss our plans for the WE by the Thursday so we both knew what to expect.

Sounds silly now but at the time I was in such a different mindset - I used to expect DH to meet all my expectations without making it clear what they were or even asking myself if they were reasonable ones in the first place.

And for what its worth, before having DS2, I just couldn't imagine how I would cope with a second baby - the logistics of it worried me greatly. But once DS2 came along, everything just fitted into place because it had too. I was def more relaxed having been through it all before and DS2 (and lots of other second babies I know) were just 'easier'.

Lastly, the important thing imo is to try and quickly get over any feelings of guilt that can easily bubble up about not spending as much time with DC1 as pre-DC2 or doing as much with DC2 as you did with DC1. Ive seen friends cripple themselves trying to give their DC2 exactly the same experiences as they did their DC1. Unlike DC1, I didnt take DC2 to swimming or baby music lessons (as I DC1 in tow) and believe me, its done him no harm whatsoever - honest!

I just look at DC2 and see how much he has thrived in the presence of his older brother. Ok, he may not be very musical (possibly due to a lack of music lessons?) but he can build the best lego models of any 4 year old I know!

Sorry bloss- mincemeat, Christmas cake could definitely be a culprit in a little one. I remember giving DS three packets of raisins during a car journey (foolish choice of snack) and him having dreadful diarrhoea including a huge accident in the car on the way back!

What lovely, caring posts from so many of you- this thread is wonderful

Yes- ollie and red, you have described it perfectly: I really don't feel i have much left to offer dh at the moment and he is feeling very unloved and tells me so which makes me feel even worse. We will get through it though I'm sure-thank you so much for all your words of wisdom.

Your dh sounds like he's cheered you up red and how exciting to see your work in it's final form-well done.

Having an early night - sleep well lovely people

Red I just ask DH if he thought I was as fit as and he misheard and now thinks he's on a promise this evening. Oh dear

Looby not sure how common it is. I know two that do interviews for 7+ (prep schools). He also had an assessments at 4! I live near an area with lots of schools and quite a bit of competition when it comes to places.

Some very lovely posts indeed.

Ollie I didn't bother with music classes etc with ds2. I put some music on at home and he dances, much comfier.

Thanks for the poem Afternoon nap!