what item of clothing do you look a TWAT in?

[withagoat]

( and how)
me polonecks ( inverted funnel)
long straight skirts ( amish)

Skinny jeans and flat shoes - I look like Max Wall

Gonna bring in some new shockers here!

On me, 3/4 length sleeves are a disaster. I have no idea why but they make my arms look ridiculously long and skinny (I do have skinny arms). Weird.
But - tragically - 3/4 length trousers do not do the same for my legs - that would be great!

Wrap dresses - I just cannot, cannot wear them. I look like some weird housekeeper type person, the type who would always have a fag with 2cm ash between fingers/lips at all times. Or some sort of Mrs Danvers - slightly evil/sinister woman.
Why?!

waist belts

its the tits see

i cannot do waist belts as i do not actually have a waist. it jsut attenuates the barrel effect

Ankle boots- they make my calves look fucking huge, even though I don't have huge legs!

3/4 length skirts (huge calves)
polo necks (wtf?)

To be honest, nowadays I feel hideous wearing pretty much everything.

ROAR at Max Wall!!

Can't bear anything with a collar - broad shoulders and short stature, look like a cube.

Linen anything - too creasy and I am the type of person who looks a scruff very easily, by three in the afternoon linen looks as though I slept in it and decided to wear it the next day.

Lipstick - makes me look too grown up, sticks to my hair, needs constant topping up.

Franca why? Can we help?

I look a twat in trainers or any sports wear.

I also have trouble finding jeans that look right, my arse is a weird shape I think...looks great in a few pairs but weird in a lot of them.

I cannot wear a single breasted coat either.

Oh and woolly hats. what I would give to look good in a woolly hat. My face is all wrong for it.

Oh and if it makes you feel any better, which it won't, I'm sure, I noticed you back here the other day and was really pleased to see you. I don't know if you've been gorn orf somewhere but I hadn't seen you in ages.

And one of our guinea pigs is named after you.

Padded gilets of the sort that horsey people wear. I'm very hourglass-shaped, and gilets disappear my waist so I look like a Zeppelin

Oh God and yes, I cannot wear cropped trousers. They make me look SO long and dangly, it's unreal, it's not flattering honestly. Just looks stupid.

Ditto lipstick and all sorts of make up, sadly.

Ingrid, thanks, I am OK, I promise

I sometimes don't recognise myself anymore iyswim?

I cant wear any hats apart from cowboy hats (and when am I going to wear one of those?!) because my hair looks stupid with them on. I have very, very curly, voluminous hair!

Anything with a tie cord thing around the waist. I ALWAYS look like I am wearing a dressing gown no matter how beautiful the garment.
Weirdly belts are okay.

Nothing looks bad on me. I look absolutely gorgeous and fabulous in everything.

And if you believe that there is a bridge in brooklyn that I can sell you.

High necks , crew necks, short sleeves, sleeveless tops, shift dresses, empire line dresses - big norks

Tight pencil skirts,leggings /skinnies and tunics as I'm top heavy

Most florals or flaty stufffdue to unfortunate combination of big boobs and middle aged face, I look matronly

Ruffles and big jewellry (looks like I'm playing dress up)
Maxi dresses (sadly) as I'm too short

Open toed shoes as I have disgusting feet.

Flowery frocks....look like I've been auditioning for The Sound of Music.
Jeans.....I have a large derriere - but have just joined the gym so this may change.
Ballerina pumps....tried on today. I looked like Richard III with my opaque tights and these "boats" on the end of my body.

"It has been a hard day's night"

My cycling trousers. The padded bit makes me look like I am wearing a huge sanitary towel!

Skinny jeans. Not a good look on me. The fact that my ankles are quite skinny just helps to accentuate how huge my hips are.

Any form of smock top or dress that is empire line. Makes me look pregnant as I look as though I have no waist at all.

Tops that aren't tailored - I need some nipping in at the waist at least, given that I am rather short.

I feel like a twat in shirts, even if I don't look like one.

at 5ft - very wide leg trousers do me no favours, floaty tops make me look 7 months gone, chunky knitwear is not for me and long skirts or cut off trousers are hideous.

Empire line - It makes me look pregnant.

Skinny jeans but I can't even pull them up over my thunder thighs so it's not an issue

3/4 length trousers - am short and they make me look even shorter

I can't do casual - tracksuits, fleeces etc. I look like a tramp.

Empire line dresses = the pregnant look

Anything beige - it washes me out apparently, as announced by my "lovely" work colleague in front of the whole office