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Came back from holiday early ...............

114 replies

Squirrel3 · 02/08/2005 07:11

We came back from holiday early yesterday because it did nothing but rain, because we were camping everything was damp and horrible and I came down with flu. The kids weren?t having a great time either so we decided to come home and just go out for days (at least we would have somewhere dry to sleep). The kids are excited because we had planned to take them to Thorpe Park today.

But?.

At 4am the phone rang to tell me that my Grandad has died?. I feel numb? I know that now he is out of pain and he is not suffering anymore but??

I don?t know what to do about the kids, we are supposed to have them until Sunday, don?t think I can cope with that, but on the other hand they have had such a rotten holiday and they were so excited about Thorpe Park and other days out we had planned I feel really guilty about wanting them to go home?.

I can?t think straight, don?t know what to do, I feel numb but I?m in a ?flat spin? too.

Sorry if this is depressing, I thought it might help to write it down, but it hasn?t?..

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Squirrel3 · 05/08/2005 10:04

I'm sure he was just being nice to me to smooth the way for SS1 staying, why didn't he just tell me ages ago I might have been more prepared for it?

And if he was being more supportive of me at this time I might have been more able to cope with ss1.

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Squirrel3 · 05/08/2005 10:07

FFS sake my life gets worse everyday!!!

I'm not really feeling sorry for myself, I'm just so AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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tarantula · 05/08/2005 10:08

OMG Squirrel I cant believe that he would spring something like that on you at a time like this esp when you ahve just sent his other two kids back to their mum because you needed space to grieve. I really dont understand why he feels he can dump all these problems on you like this. Did he really think you would say yes no problem?

It might actually be a good idea for you to have this bit of space if he is staying with his son so you can grieve in peace.

Squirrel3 · 05/08/2005 10:14

I'm so annoyed, I can't tell you how much...

I think you are right I need time away from him and him staying at his mothers is a good thing, after all he is being as supportive as a blancmange bra!!!!!!!!!!!

(and yes it is spelt like that, I looked it up!)

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Squirrel3 · 05/08/2005 10:19

and oh (tee hee) he is showing the first signs of having caught this flu.

But its only a cold! (evil )

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Catsmother · 05/08/2005 10:25

I really don't know what to say that's going to be of any help or comfort Squirrel. I too would have been furious about this sort of thing - to not be consulted about a 2 week stay - of a "child" with serious problems, and have it dumped on me with no notice - even if I had no other worries.

Your DP does come across as having a big "attitude" problem with regard to his kids. Yeah - they're his kids and he shouldn't have to ask "permission" as such when he wants to see them, but you are also part of the household and family, and it is only courteous to discuss arrangements for skids with plenty of notice, and consideration for you - that includes taking due notice of other stuff which is going on in your life if necessary. Step-children may be part of the family but the hard fact is that they do not form part of your day to day household, and therefore arrangements do and should be discussed beforehand, if only to take account of stuff like extra shopping, getting beds ready and so on. To expect your DP to do this is not selfish or awkward.

You know ..... maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree completely but IMO, it's almost like your being tested in regard to the skids - i.e. he behaves inconsiderately and tactlessly .... almost "daring" you to object - and if - quite rightly - you do point out that you expect to be included in plans concerning them at your home, you then effectively get accused of not wanting them, stopping him seeing them and so on. If I'm right, then I expect that makes you feel right at the bottom of the pecking order and nothing more than the chief cook and bottle-washer. And right now, you must be feeling sick to the bottom of your stomach with his crass insensitivity.

Please please try and put him, and the skids out of your head. Difficult, obviously, but if you want to spend this time remembering your Grandad and having a sob as and when you want to, then that's what you should be doing. I'm sure your own children are helping you to do this but if they're not always around, have you thought of calling the Samaritans, say, just so you have someone who will listen and will let you sound off. They're not just for suicidal people but for anyone who needs a shoulder really. Also, there's Cruse - the bereavement charity, who also have a helpline (0870 167 1677) .... they'll be able to talk to you if you need. I know that's not the same as having someone close supporting you, but make no mistake, these people will support you (unlike DP) and if grieving is what you want to do, by talking about it you hopefully should be able to put all the other stuff out of your head for a short while (as opposed to musing it all over when you've only got your own company, if that makes sense ?)

I think your friend may have been half right about people who're very close being unable to express their sympathy. However, even if you can't say the right thing, your actions shouldn't be "saying" the wrong thing either ! In other words, no way should he even have to think about having a 21 yr old druggie to stay right now - so why ask you ? Why put you in that impossible position, where you can't win whatever you say ? You know, I'm sorry to say this but DP actually seems jealous that he and his bloomin' kids aren't at the forefront of your thoughts right now - it's pathetic, and I feel very hurt on your behalf.

tarantula · 05/08/2005 10:26

Im not laughing honest. There isnt even the hint of a smile on my face look

Squirrel3 · 05/08/2005 10:39

Catsmother thank you, for the phone numbers, I might call when I get around to grieving, this is ridiculous I am so wound up about him I can't even think about Grandad properly, don't get me wrong he is in my thoughts and my heart all of the time but I'm so angry with dp I can't seem to cry for my grandad I've cried because of the way dp is treating me at this time but I can't really face the fact that my grandad has really gone, I know that when I do it will hit me hard, maybe I am using dp as an excuse not to face it.

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Squirrel3 · 05/08/2005 14:29

The death has been registered and the funural arrangements have been finalised, the funneral will be on the 19th now, it will leave from my mothers house, then on to the Salvation Army for a service, then to the crematorium, after that I believe that it will be all back to my mothers.

I have spoken to my kids and we all agree that it would be better for us if we didn't go back to my mothers so we are going for a quiet drink in a pub with a nice garden afterwards to remember him.

It still doesn't feel real though.

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Squirrel3 · 08/08/2005 08:48

Hello, dp eventually arranged for ss1 to stay with his uncle and dp came back and is trying to be more supportive ('the jury is still out' on wether its for good or not as far as I am concerned).

Dp's car is ruined, apparently the timming belt that the machanic ptu on slipped off and wrecked the engine (oops!). Its going to cost £800 at least to put right and as the guy that fitted it was doing it as a 'private' job we can't even go back to the garage for compensation or whatever.

Ds had an accident in his car yesterday, he is ok, shaken up but unhurt. His girlfreind of a year was giving him a hard time about being misserable (why can't partners understand about grief? Do they expect us to be singing and dancing, singing "yippie grandads dead" FFS!) ...

anyway she was giving him a hard time because hse wanted to go out, ds didn't feel up to it but she was so 'insistant' he thought that she was going to dump him if he didn't, so he wasn't consentrating and he hit another car. Luckily no-one was hurt, the other diriver is insisting that they go through ds's insurance co although the dammage is very small to his car (a slight dent in his bumper) ds offered to buy a new one and fit it for him but he wouldn't agree to it (pig). Ds's girlfriend stormed off and won't talk to him so ds is very down atm.

Are we just having a run of bad luck? am I being a pessemist? and why can't I spell today?

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Squirrel3 · 08/08/2005 08:50

That is, am I being a pessimist just sitting here waiting for the next thing to go wrong?

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tarantula · 08/08/2005 09:03

Things dont happen in 3s round your way Squirrel do they they happen in 6s. After all this maybe youll be in line to win the lottery or a fab holiday so as to bring your luck back to normal levels.

Glad to hear that the date for the funeral is sorted. It gives you a bit of firmer ground so its not so much up in the air (IYSWIM) (havent put that very well have I).

How is ds after the crash? I bet it shook him up quite a bit.

How are you feeling too? Have you managed to get over your flu? Has dp come down with it?

Have to say Im feeling really ropey today myself, a bit sicky and headachey (feel like I was out on the raz last night HA if only)

Squirrel3 · 08/08/2005 09:27

I'm ok (as far as the flu is concerned) Just suffering after affects I think) Hope yoou aren't comming down with it, I'll blamb myself you know, my germs have gone down the puter to you, lol. Get better soon.

ds is fine, he is blameing himself though and is very gutted about the dents all down one side of his car but I think that we could probably push thm out from the inside.

Dp has NOT got flu grrrr!

P.s the lottery would be great but don't talk to me about holidays that what started this,lol.

Maybe I coud go on a cousre to teach me ohw to spll!

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SadSam · 08/08/2005 10:07

Hi Squirrel, and everybody! So sorry to hear about everything you have been through Squirrel. So sorry to hear about your grandad, even when it is expected it doesnt make it any easier to deal with. I hope you start feeling better soon. If it is any conselation I have just had the holiday from hell, but I will detail that in another post as I need to get an awful lot off my chest.

tarantula · 08/08/2005 10:52

Well Im off home now. Feel a wee bit better than I did this morning thankfully so hopefully dont have the flu.

Just had some bad news here myself as my niece was knocked down last night and has broken her leg very badly. No idea how bad tho so hoping for the best.

GOing over to see SIL later So thankfull I have a half day today.

Hopefully have more time to chat tomorrow.

Squirrel3 · 08/08/2005 12:48

I hope she is ok tarantula, let us know how she is, thinking of her.

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Squirrel3 · 09/08/2005 13:19

How is she tarantula?

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tarantula · 10/08/2005 08:43

Sorry was off ill yesterday. Still feeling a bit crap today tbh but had to come into work as have got loads to do.

Dn isnt too bad but is feeling very sorry for herself. the break isnt as bad as they thought and she wont need pins or anything. Luckily the car was going really slowly. Driver was brilliant apparently and lay down with her, calmed her down, kept her still and stayed with her till ambulance arrived.

Hows things with you?

Squirrel3 · 10/08/2005 09:00

I'm so glad that it isn't serious, hope she gets better soon.

Hope you feel better soon too, are you still feeling sick? I hope its not the flu that I had.

I'm bearing up as they say, I just feel realy sad, I'm not angry with dp anymore (dont feel much at all about dp to be honest), Lea's appointment to see the Orthopedic Surgeon at the end of the month so we will just have to wait and see, we are hoping that medical advances in the past 23 years have moved on a bit and they can do more for her than they could dd. ds is ok, we got the dents out of his car and he is ok and driving again. The funeral is all arranged.

I just feel sad, I supose there is nothing else to focus on, all the time I was angry with dp, gutted about Lea, shocked about ds, the funeral etc, there was something else to think about but now...

I guess it will start to get better after the funeral.

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FuriousDuck · 11/08/2005 12:54

Feeling better Tarantula?

slightlymiffedmoorhen · 11/08/2005 13:00

Im feeling a bit better now but still not 100%. Hows things with you? still feeling in limbo a bit? Im supposed to be doing loads of work today but cant be arsed tbh so chatting on here instead

FuriousDuck · 11/08/2005 13:02

Yes, still a bit in limbo but I'm trying to amuse myself as you know.

FuriousDuck · 11/08/2005 13:03

What would we do without MN?

Squirrel3 · 12/08/2005 13:01

Oh Poo!!!!!!!

Now the washing machine has broken and I've just emptied the dishwasher and the stuff is still dirty, I hope that its not broken too, then I thought I'd come on here to have a moan and my 'puter's fan seems to be making an awful noise!!!!!

The washing machine and the dishwasher I can take but NOT MY COMPUTER PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!

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Squirrel3 · 18/08/2005 08:22

I broke two of my fingers yesterday, in three places!!!!!!!

Someone up there doesn't like me!!!

When are things going to get better?

The funeral is tomorrow,

Can't believe this but my mother agreed to my flowers to be put on his coffin as we were so close.

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