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Came back from holiday early ...............

114 replies

Squirrel3 · 02/08/2005 07:11

We came back from holiday early yesterday because it did nothing but rain, because we were camping everything was damp and horrible and I came down with flu. The kids weren?t having a great time either so we decided to come home and just go out for days (at least we would have somewhere dry to sleep). The kids are excited because we had planned to take them to Thorpe Park today.

But?.

At 4am the phone rang to tell me that my Grandad has died?. I feel numb? I know that now he is out of pain and he is not suffering anymore but??

I don?t know what to do about the kids, we are supposed to have them until Sunday, don?t think I can cope with that, but on the other hand they have had such a rotten holiday and they were so excited about Thorpe Park and other days out we had planned I feel really guilty about wanting them to go home?.

I can?t think straight, don?t know what to do, I feel numb but I?m in a ?flat spin? too.

Sorry if this is depressing, I thought it might help to write it down, but it hasn?t?..

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mandyc66 · 02/08/2005 07:24

Really sorry to hear about your grandad.
Dont feel guilty you cannot help that he died.
Talk to the children and explain how you feel.
On the other hand, you not going out for the day wont bring him back. What can you do today. Maybe a trip to Thorpe Park might just take your mind off it and help you cope. Have a chat and see how you feel.

Squirrel3 · 02/08/2005 07:32

Mandy thank you for your reply, but I need to be at home today now as DS is comimng home from his holiday in spain today and I should be here to tell him and be here for him.

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mandyc66 · 02/08/2005 07:37

oh, well yes that is true. Its very hard to know what to do. but remember there is no right way. just the way you are comfortable with. It is only up to you.
When Dh's granddad died earlier this year his parents went off on holiday 3days later as it was booked and paid for and a holiday they had been planning for a long time.It was their choice and no one elses.

Mytwopenceworth · 02/08/2005 07:43

very sorry for your loss. i agree with mandy - do what feels right for you. tell the kids what has happened - unless they are truly horrible people, they are not going to put a trip to an amusement park above your grief! you can reschedule. could your dp/dh ask their mum to get them early, explaining the circumstances? this is an exceptional situation and everyone understands loss.

tarantula · 02/08/2005 08:27

Hi Squirrel Im so sorry to hear about your Grandad. I know how much you loved and cared about him. Why not send dp off to the park withthe kids for the day so that you can have a chance to grieve. Will you be able to send the kids home early as I know bm is not the most accomadating. take care and its such a pity about the holiday being a wash out as I know how much you were looking forward to it. Take care and take some time for yourself. How little Lea getting along?

KBear · 02/08/2005 08:41

Squirrel, my condolences to you. Don't make decisions at the moment, give yourself a chance. Have a shower and while the water is running you can maybe have a good cry and kids won't hear you. My mum used to do this when her dad died and then she was better able to put a brave face on for us. X

Squirrel3 · 02/08/2005 08:46

Thank you for your kind message mytwopenceworth, I just feel bad that they were looking forward to Thorpe Park and the holiday was a washout, now this.

I don't know if BM will take them back early, I can just see her demanding that we continue having them as planned as it is "our two weeks to have them, no matter what", maybe I'm being harsh but she has never given me any reason to believe otherwise.

Tarantula, I told DP to take them to the park as planned but he didn't like the idea of leaving me on my own, but then he went back to bed leaving me on my own! which is why I am on here, the kids will be up soon, I don't know how to handle this... They didn't know him, its my grief not theirs, why should it ruin the rest of their holiday?

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Squirrel3 · 02/08/2005 08:50

Thank you KBear.

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Catsmother · 02/08/2005 10:08

Sqyuirrel, I'm really sorry to hear about your Grandad. Whilst you know he's not in pain any more, of course it's still going to hit you hard, that's natural .... and I can completely understand you feeling you need some time to yourself right now. Please don't feel guilty for feeling like this - I know everyone reacts differently, but personally, in the same circumstances, I'd like some quiet time to think, reflect and remember, and I'd hate to have to feel I must put on a "happy face" .... especially in the raucous surroundings of somewhere like Thorpe Park.

If you don't mind being on your own till your son comes home, why can't DH take the skids to Thorpe Park on their own ?

Would you like them to go home earlier if possible ? Have you suggested this to DH ? BM would be pretty hard hearted if she objected, after all, it'd hardly have been planned. On the other hand, my DP's ex objected strongly when my miscarriage disrupted plans (for only a couple of days) so you may find she uses this opportunity to be deliberately unhelpful and spiteful. I hope your DH recognises that these are exceptional circumstances and I hope he puts you first even for a short while. If he can't return the kids (dunno how old they are, but I'd hate the extra responsibility & noise if I were feeling very fragile) I also hope he makes a big effort to keep them out of your hair - if that's what you want.

Ok - they didn't know your Grandad and won't have personal grief about his death, but they surely (unless very young) ought to have some appreciation of your grief. I know it's easier said than done, and it shows you're a nice person, but frankly, the kids' holiday is not your problem - you have enough on your plate. Your DP needs to take on the responsibility of what to do for the rest of the holiday, so you don't have to worry about it.

Hope it sorts out, and sorry again. Take care.

Squirrel3 · 03/08/2005 14:29

Thank you Catsmother,

In the end I decided to go with them to Thorpe Park because I felt too guilty about them missing out, I landed up looking after dsd all day while dp and dss went on the big rides (dsd wouldn't go on them). I still feel realy ill because of the flu I picked up on holiday (saw the Dr mon and he told me to stay in bed, drink loads and rest) and all of the time I was trying to work out how to tell my ds that Grandad had died, but I think I managed to make sure that dsd had a good time (well she said that she had enjoyed herself anyway).

BM must have a heart in there somewhere (instead of the swinging brick that I thought she had) as she agreed to take the kids back yesterday evening.

DP has a heart of bloody stone though, he has been 'off' with me since I found out about Grandad, he hasn't even given me a hug, I don't think he has even touched me for two days, he slept in the kids room last night. He went out early this morning leaving me to go to the funeral directors on my own, this afternoon I went for a lay down (cos I feel so crap) and he came up and started to tell me that "I only had a cold, when he has a cold he has to go to work instead of being all miserable." I told him to F-off and leave me alone to which he replied "with pleasure" and he has gone.

I have come to the conclusion that all men are B@rs@rds!!!!!!!

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Squirrel3 · 03/08/2005 15:35

And oh F***, My dd has just phoned to tell me that Lea has just had a scan on her spine and hips and she has the same condition as dd........

I am so gutted , I was sure she was ok.......

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Catsmother · 03/08/2005 15:36

God Squirrel, I am really shocked at your DP's attitude. It's well known that death makes many people feel "awkward" around those who've been bereaved, 'cos they're scared of saying the "wrong thing" or because they don't know "what to say" .... and this can therefore lead to bereaved people effectively being "avoided", even if no hurt is intended. However, people who feel awkward do usually realise that you don't make snidey, critical remarks to someone who's grieving - you don't belittle their loss & feelings (i.e. "being all miserable) by comparing it to their own so-called stoicism in coping with a cold marvellously !!

I have to say that remark was tactless and insensitive in the extreme. Like, a cold is what's really bugging you right now, the stupid bloody idiot. Sorry, but even the thickest individual would surely realise a comment like that would hurt in your current circumstances and it's beyond me why he was so cruel. And the lack of hugs is quite astonishing too .... going back to the not knowing what to say theory, a bit of affection could effectively say it for you couldn't it ?

I've a nasty feeling (obviously, I don't know you or him, so am just guessing by reading between the lines) that your DP may be sulking because his kids have gone home and he sees it as "down to you". Okay .... I can understand he'd be disappointed if he'd been looking forward to having them stay but really, I do think the death of a very close and loved relative should take priority, when you take into consideration that it's unfair to expect you to put a brave face on (if you don't want to and/or don't feel up to it) and you also need to spend some time with your own son who will be similarly devastated. There are very few occasions when the feelings/wishes of a responsible step-parent are given priority over stepkids & contact with their absent parent - and rightly so - but I maintain this sort of occurence is one of them. Obviously, you're not asking them to stay away for ever - and whilst you won't have "come to terms" (or anything approaching it probably) the next time the skids come to stay, you will be able to face them a little better equipped emotionally as the initial, gobsmacking, knocked you for 6 shock of your Grandad dying is likely to have lessened a little.

Hope I haven't said anything to offend you, but I bet that has something to do with his nastiness. There have only ever been 1 or 2 times when my skids were "disrupted" (not ignored) - due to me being in hospital re: miscarriage, and due to our baby being ill and us taking her to emergency doctor. Whilst DP was not horrible about it, it was clear that he was still terribly worried about the "effect" on skids, to the extent that, even though DD had severe gastro-enteritis, he went and got skids a day late (this was even though doctor had said it was potentially contagious. BM was told and still wanted him to have them - so she could go out!). I felt very very annoyed he'd done this as I felt that to postpone seeing them a week would hardly be the end of the world and with a sick baby (literally) I did not want the extra work of 2 more noisy boisterous kids ... I just wanted to look after the baby in peace. I honestly feel that DP was more worried about bloody BM's reaction (she takes every opportunity to slate him as being a "bad" dad) than his own disappointment in delaying their visit.

Have gone off tangent a bit but I do wonder if he now regards you as having spoilt his time with skids - however illogical that is ? I do think though that many absent fathers can be very very touchy indeed on the issue of their children if they perceive that the skids are "unwanted" at any time. They jump to this conclusion even when the children are usually welcomed with open arms and it's dire circumstances which lead to a step-parent - shock horror - saying that actually, right now, just at this time only, you'd rather they weren't around. I think "guilt" has a lot do with that sort of reaction particularly and ironically, if they are a responsible loving parent, yet still get loads of grief from their ex which makes them doubt themself and terrified to "put a foot wrong".

Whatever the underlying reason for it (his lack of sympathy) though, it's completely unacceptable. I hope you have other friends and/or relatives close by with whom you can share a hug, or spend osme time chatting about your Grandad and how you feel.

Squirrel3 · 03/08/2005 15:37

dd is in bits at the hospital and her mobile phone battery has run out...

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Catsmother · 03/08/2005 15:38

Just saw your latest post. Am sorry to hear that .... you must feel totally shell-shocked with all that's happened. Sincerely hope your bloody DP pulls his finger out and starts showing you a bit of TLC and understanding.

Squirrel3 · 03/08/2005 15:42

Thanks catsmother, no I've not got any other family, (apart from my kids)

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Squirrel3 · 03/08/2005 15:43

and dp has just come in to pack some stuff!!!!!!!!

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Squirrel3 · 03/08/2005 15:45

I take it he is moving out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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tarantula · 03/08/2005 15:50

OMG squirrel talk about everything hitting you when you are down. Dunno what to say except that Im thinking of you and your dd and wee little Lea.

tarantula · 03/08/2005 15:54

what???? OMG squirrel Wahts he sais What planet is the guy on leaving you like this?

Squirrel3 · 03/08/2005 15:57

Tarantula, he has packed some clothes and gone, he didn't even speak to me.....OMG my life is crmbling in arund me

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Catsmother · 03/08/2005 16:00

Squirrel - can you call him ? What the hell is he doing ? How can he not even speak to you ?

I am so so sorry .....

Squirrel3 · 03/08/2005 16:02

I don't want t talk to him he can go, i dont want a man like that

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tarantula · 03/08/2005 16:03

He didnt say anything??? at all. Bloody hell Oh all mean nasty low down pices of f*king sht that live he is behaving like one of the worse ever. Im sorry Squirrel but Im horrified that he could leave you at a time like this when you need all the support and help you can get. Is there anywhere you can go and stay for a few days? Or anyone who can come and stay with you?

Squirrel3 · 03/08/2005 16:03

he'll have to come back to get the rest of his stuff, feel like taking a hacksaw to all of his fishing rods.

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Squirrel3 · 03/08/2005 16:04

or driling a hole in is beloved boat

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