Hi to whoever reads this and/or replies:
When I met my husband I knew he had a young daughter (was 13months at time I met her) and we got married at the end of last year. We have her every second w/end (she lives with her Mother the rest of the time) and I love her like she was my own. I get on with her Mother aswell (which I think is important) and we have no major problems in general. About a week before our wedding my husband found out that a woman he was sleeping with (before he met me) had been pregant and had allegedly had his child. We decided to ignore this and if it ever came up again that we would deal with it then. Today he has rung me to say that a letter arrived at his work from Child Support asking for maintenance for this child. We don't know if it is his for sure (he believes the mother may have been sleeping with other men at the same time) and she already has 3 other children to different fathers - but we have resigned ourselves to a DNA test to find for for sure. In the event of this other child being my husbands; I have said that I'm prepared for us to pay maintenance (because it will be the both of us paying for it... not just him) BUT that as far as I'm concerned the child doesn't exist to me. I have already taken on another child which isn't mine (this was my decision and I wouldn't change it for the world) however I don't see why I should have to do it again. As it stands financially we can't have a child of our own anyways. The first time this 'issue' reared up we both decided that even if it was his we would pay for it but not have contact because he was basically like a sperm donor... it was a mistake that shouldnt have happened and we have subsequently discussed it once more since then prior to now and the same conclusion was reached. TODAY however he has said otherwise and I'm thinking along the lines that dependent on the outcome of the paternity test and what he wants to do I'll be saying "me or the new child"... I know that sounds selfish and harsh but I don't see why I should have to take on the responsibility of another child which isn't mine. We already struggle financially and if this child is my husbands then it will make life even harder but I've accepted that as we can do nothing about that. I do feel really horrible about potentially giving my husband an ultimatum if the child turns out to be his (and feel sorry for the kid who didn't ask to be born into this circumstance) but also feel that I've been unselfish and generous and I don't want to start resenting my life with him as I do love him loads. I just would really like to hear some advice from people who don't know any of us personally (because people I've spoken to have all agreed with me but I don't know if thats because they feel loyal towards me or because some don't have children at all!). Thank you