Need advice please.
Some background to begin with.
I have a DS aged 11 who has gone to his nans every weekend and every holiday since he was a year old, unless he wanted to stay at home. I am happy with these arrangements, he always has been, and i have to admit i feel spoilt PIL's have been there for my DS and me where his dad has not.
Now i have a new baby DS2 with my DP.
He has 2 DC's, a boy and a girl, aged 7 and 6. I absolutely adore them tbh, they are very hard work (IMO due to their upbringing..long story) They live with his sister who has taken over the 'mum' role.
Since i gave birth to DS2 (he is nearly 10 weeks old) we have had the kids every weekend..bar the first weekend after he was born, on a friday..i use the term WE very lightly..in fact, it is me that takes on responsibility for them, feeding, trips out and about ect. I find it very hard. He doesn't really do anything with them if he isn't at work on a weekend, if he is, obv i have sole responsibility for them.
This is where i start to sound mean. I would never let on, but i have started (since having more contact) to dislike DSD
It doesn't help that i feel as if i've been forced into having them every weekend..DSS is ok, he has his moments..but DSD is an awful child at times.
My DS1 was poorly this weekend, i didn't want to send him to his nans, he had the day off school too..but SIL had a moody when i said i couldn't have the DSC's as their mum had let them down, she was supposed to have them, for mothers day, but she is a selfish cow who sees them as and when it is convinient to her. (She left three kids with their respective fathers to pursue a relationship with a man who didn't want to look after other people's kids, and now has another three with him)
Anyway, guilt ridden, i said i would have them, also DP had said "We'll have them then" angrily after finding out his ex had let them down. I didn't mind at all, but it was awkward explaining to DS's nan that although he was poorly, would she have him, as i need his room for DSC's to stay in.
Anyway.
On the trip back (i had to collect them friday as DP was working) DSD announced she 'liked coming to my house even though its messy' FFS no more messy than SIL's and i do have a baby to take care of meaning i'm lucky to get anything done
Well i responded by saying maybe she would like to help me tidy up (nicely, not angry or frosty you know, she's only a kid, i thought) And i know as she grows up in a home with older kids and adults she is going to sound adult in her ways sometimes.
DP was working saturday so i took the kids to the park, and shopping. I can't put my finger on a particular instance, but DSD had a bit of an attitude on all day, stropping when i asked her to carry a bag, ect, and tried to steal sweets from tesco's..i was a bit frazzled, so went to my sisters. She was an angel and she also has kids DSC's age so it was nice for them to play and chat.
Basically out all day, yes, i did naff all in the house.
So we get home and feeding baby, DSD says 'I'm soooo hungry i feel like i am going to die'
I replied as soon as i had fed DS i would do some tea, this was at 3pm, they had eaten at my sisters at 2.
4pm ish i asked them what they wanted and started cooking, DP was due back at 7 so thought i would do him something later.
The kids ate their dinner and DSD wandered in and out while i was doing pizza for me and DP (classy ) "Ooo i like pizza" She said, five minutes after i had bleedin asked them if they wanted pizza for tea So, i popped one in the oven for them to share as well. Popping into the living room to check on DS2, DSD sitting on sofa, DSS watching a film, DSS walked across the room with DS2 and plopped him onto DSD's lap, saying, you passed him to me, i don't want to hold him. Neither do i she said..and raised her elbow so DS went between her and the back of the sofa.
well overprotective mum i am not but i did say not to pick DS up again and went back into the kitchen, for like, 2 minutes. DS was on the floor on his mat.
Then i hear a strangled screaming sound (you know, when they have REALLY got hurt) and come in to see whats going on. DS is bright red, with a lump like an egg on the side of his head. "I stepped over him and accidentally kicked him" she said, but the look on her face said 'i booted him, what you going to do about it?' Well no proof so i said, please be a little more careful, walk round him not over him.
I asked the kids to get into their pj's ready, DSD says, i can't wear mine, i poo'd in them.
Arrrghhhhhhhh.
Ok, she's six. Not a problem, so i whack them in the washer grumbling to myself about telling me sooner blah blah.
DP walks in, we sit down for tea, the kids pick all the bits off the top of their pizza and leave the rest. "Waste of money" is all DP has to say, aimed at me, of course. Well he wasn't there dealing with the puppy eyes and 'ooo i love pizza can i have some' was he?
The kids have a shower. DSD leaves the room looking like a bombs hit it.. remember the messy house comment.. towel on the floor, shampoo bottle on the floor with a great big puddle of shampoo next to it, i ask DSS to get his pj's on and get ignored. DP asks where DSD's are in a way which makes it sound as if i have left her out or something I tell him they are in the wash. "Couldn't have done them earlier then, no?" what a tosser!
Grrr.
Xbox goes on, i sit down to feed DS.
9 30 ish stuff is washed and dried, i give DSD her pj's.
Towels all over floor. Go into kitchen to wash up from tea, DP asks why the kids aren't in bed (yes he turned away from the xbox for THAT long!!!) "Because they didnt want to listen to me when i asked them, and DSS won't look for his pj bottoms." i replied. Then i asked him to find DSS's pj bottoms off the pile of ironing. He huffed and puffed like it was a great effort or something, so i said, don't bother, i'll do it.
So DP turns off his xbox in a huff and says "just because i don't jump when you ask me to for fucks sake"
DP sends kids to bed, they ask me if they can watch a dvd, i say no because its too late, cue dirty looks off them both and i distinctly hear DSD say as they go up the stairs.. "she's nasty"
Then they watched one anyway.
DP sits on the sofa while i pick up towels and clothes and i give him an evil look for not helping which prompts him to ask, "Why are you pissed off. Is it because MY kids left towels on the floor?"
He always does that when he gets defensive. They're HIS kids till they need feeding or caring for, when it comes to discipline ect they are HIS. If he assumes i am being horrible or unfair in some way to them, they're HIS. If i 'interfere' with their upbringing, they're HIS.
I told him no, i was pissed off because he doesn't help out and was stuck to his xbox as usual.
Then he went off in a huff to bed.
I stayed up ironing until 2 in the morning
Anyway..sunday morning. I get up with DS, i didn't expect a lie in with a baby lol
Kids breakfast done, I waited for DP to get up, in the nd the kids went and woke him around ten after i had said not to. Tch. Still, they did me a favour really, had mothers day card and a lovely present, then a cuppa i nearly passed out through disbelief lololol
Dinnertime and i just knocked up bacon sarnies cos really i couldn't be arsed..Dp helped me to do this bless him and we chatted and i was, honestly, having a lovely morning. DP and DSD cleaned the car while i was in the garden, and DSS was on the Wii. Came in from the garden to find DSD in the living room poking DS in the face.
By now i was TRULY pissed and not willing to put up with this any more and trying to respond nicely.
So i told her to get her hands off him and leave him alone unless i or DP is in the room. I was stern but i didn't shout.
Then we went out to visit DP's mum, ex MIL, and sister to give them mothers' day presents.
All i heard all day was 'ex ex ex' i was sick of her fucking name. I copped the flak when DP was angry about her not having the kids, him stomping round the house in a mood and shouting at me..then i had a re run on sunday.
When DS was 5 weeks old DSD had to go to hospital because she had some viral infection that brought her legs up in big bruise type spots.
DP asked me if i wanted to go, i couldn't because of the baby. When discussing it with ex MIL he made out that i had said i just didn't want to go, and that i had 'chucked the phone at him in a mood'
Correction: He had left phone downstairs where he couldn't hear it, and i had taken it up to him with a curt 'your phone is ringing' when i had come in from my sisters after 3 days with no sleep because of the baby crying and him being a bastard and arguing with me/criticising me at every given opportunity.
Well, for a quiet life, i didn't say anything, so ex MIL and her partner both looked at me like a bag of crap.
Absolutely fuming, i waited until the kids were home and me and DP were on the way back before i raised it. He accepted that that must have been the way it seemed.
As we approached home the conversation turned to the kids being poorly and him having PR, he said he has it as the SS sorted it all out at the time the kids were left with him.
I said, .. "Well its a good job you have because, touch wood, if the kids were ill, if you didn't have PR you might not be able to give permission for so and so"
He replied "You said that wrong, you should have said 'God forbid one of the kids were ill'...."
FFS!!
He knew what i meant, and this is what i said to him.
So he gets out of the car at home calling me a 'fucking moron' obv i am not impressed with this and tell him he shouldn't be calling me names and slamming car doors in front of DS2. He ignores me and goes on his xbox until late when i'm in bed. So poof went the idea that i would actually, for the first time in 8 years, have a nice mothers day without argument or incident.
I know its not the kids fault, and i probably sound whiny and unreasonable. I know DP is an arsehole.
Is it always this hard? Will i always be treated like shit and be unappreciated
Just feeling atm like its just not worth the hassle and would be better off as a single parent and away from all that shit.
Thanks for listening anyway ...