Feeling hurt about being excluded from my partner’s camper van trip

[Newkindofstepmum]

I am just venting a little bit. DP and I bought a camper van together. He went on holiday with his DC without me in the summer with the camper.
We have issues with the DC’s mum and social services. DC live with DP but they both still have rights over the DC..
DC1 (11) got a birthday present that meant going away this weekend. I had not been expected to be invited but last night DP said he had spoken to DC1 and said he thought I might like to join them for the weekend when they went away in the camper. DC1 said no because of their mum.
I was actually happy for them that they were having a weekend together but today I wasn’t expecting them to turn up at my house in the camper. But they did and I felt sad and started to cry so now DP is angry with me.
We don’t live together but I just feel hurt and now he’s asking why I can’t be happy for them. He didn’t have to tell me he had spoken with DC1 but he did. And seeing them together made me upset.
I wrote to him saying that yes I was happy but seeing them at my house with the camper upset me because I wasn’t supposed to see him today.
Now he’s not reading or replying to my message. He is also there with another (female) parent but she is not staying in the camper with them, she gave the present.
The only reason he has taken the camper is because his ex did not want DC1 to travel with another adult.
DC1 tells their mum everything that goes on and I am being told my the mum that I have to stay away from her children and they know she has said this.
At first I thought it was nice that DP had thought of me. But now I just feel destroyed.

I'm sorry, op. I've read this a couple of times, and I can't see what you're so upset about. You were happy for your DP and his child to go away for the weekend, but burst into tears when you saw them because you weren't supposed to see them that day? It sounds like a whole lot of drama about nothing very much, to be frank.

I can understand why your DP would be annoyed that you were OK with the plan and then started crying when they were about to head off on their trip, forcing him to think about you and your feelings at a time when he should be focusing on having fun with his DC. You need to stop messaging him, except perhaps to apologise and say you hope they have a great trip.

Respectfully, OP, I don’t think you’re cut out for this relationship.

I'd be mightily annoyed if a camper van I had co bought was out of bounds for stretches of time!

You sound very dramatic op.
He went out of his way to come see you.
You saw it as a dig.
Try a different interpretation.
But if dramas with his dc and their mother is too much it is ok to walk away. He can buy your share of van from you.

I would be upset too. Funding half a camper van to be excluded from using it.

You are a massive red flag fucking hell 😳 this guy needs to run very quickly away lol

Feeling destroyed, crying and having an angry boyfriend doesn't seem like dating this man is enhancing your life.
Get your money back from the vehicle purchase and forget the man.

Kindly get a grip OP.
You are obviously not cut out for a relationship with a person who has children.
Your behaviour is utterly out of order and toxic... if my now DH had pulled that on me and my children before we got married he would be a distant memory!

Do you and DP go on trips in the camper just the two of you?

If so, I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong by using it with his kids. It’s obviously not the right time or circumstances for you to be introduced into his children’s life and if that’s what’s best for them then it’s good that your DP isn’t forcing his new relationship on them. If this doesn’t work for you, leave the relationship and move on, don’t be melodramatic by crying about it in front of the children.

For one weekend. Surely it’s okay for them to take trips separately sometimes.

Honestly I’d get out now, you don’t need any of their drama

You absolutely are not cut out for step-parenting. Get out now while you can before you become anyway enmeshed with the kids.

They are perfectly entitled to just want time with their father... the fact you cried and got upset about this as an actual grown adult is bizarre and really unhealthy for them to be around. Those kids have enough to deal with with given their mothers attitude.

I don’t even understand what’s happens here. … I get confused with all the DC’s and DP’s!
I need a crib sheet! 😂

You spoiled the start of their holiday. I can see his point. They have had a holiday in the camper before without you - this isn’t a new situation. Of course he told you about the conversation with his child because he wants you to know the exact facts of the matter and for you not to be in the dark.

Do a good thing for your future self. Walk away from this relationship, it’s really not right for you.

This. How offen have you used it?

Holy crap just did an advanced search. Op, why on earth did you buy such an expensive item with this gobshite of a man?

im trying to understand what happened.

you and dp bought a camper van.
he used it with dc in the summer.
my first question is when did you and dp use it? or did you not as he had used up all his leave? you need to benefit from the purchase.

so a female parent bought dp’s child a festival ticket (or whatever) so dp took the child and presumably that parent took her child and camped.

my second question is do you think anything is going on between them or is all ok there?

So dp and his dc swung by you before they left and you were upset. dp was annoyed.

i can understand that.
you did a nice thing financially to bond and help your relationship but are now excluded and it stings. and theres potentially another woman hanging round.

ive been there.

i realised that the child would never really accept me.
that if i came along to anything the child would be afraid to be nice to me as he felt loyal to his mother, who hated me. so i would always be a pest for the child. i could never be close to the child. i left because i didn’t want a child being upset and for own sanity. i could never win.

so if that’s how you feel maybe it’s best you split up too.
however the purchase of the camper could leave you out of pocket as he owes you half. do you have anything in writing to say half is yours? the v5 registration document does not prove ownership. it says that on it.

Like fuck would anyone be telling me I couldn't use a camper i half owned. Go pay for another holiday thank you very much.
Oh and the healthiest thing your 'D'P could teach is children is that they don't have to make someone small to make somebody else bigger.
Great lesson to learn and will ensure they grow up thinking of others and not just themselves.
Get them out of the victim mentality, it will do them no good.