Page 6 | Daughter rejecting half sister

Lookskywalker · 06/03/2026 15:26

FreshInks · 06/03/2026 15:26

That is creepy. I can see why you feel uneasy.

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Thank you.

gamerchick · 06/03/2026 15:31

Lookskywalker · 06/03/2026 13:57

I wouldn’t do any sort of therapy or mediation with you either. There’s something making me uneasy about your posts. I’ve been a victim of coercive control and I’m sensing that vibe from you.

I could be wrong however so all the best.

It's not just you.

Lookskywalker · 06/03/2026 15:35

gamerchick · 06/03/2026 15:31

It's not just you.

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Yeah I think I was right given the later developments.

I suppose it’s a good thing that I sensed something off. Shows my instincts are good now.

gamerchick · 06/03/2026 15:41

Lookskywalker · 06/03/2026 15:35

Yeah I think I was right given the later developments.

I suppose it’s a good thing that I sensed something off. Shows my instincts are good now.

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Yeah I'm catching up with the rest. It was Secondly before you hit send, please ask yourself if your post is adding or subtracting. You are not just replying to me but to the community bit that weirded me out. I've had experience with blokes who go on like that and none of them good.

Heebie jeebies

Still it's told you something positive about your instincts.

FreshInks · 06/03/2026 15:52

Starting to get the feeling that OP doesn’t like women very much

Hoardasurass · 06/03/2026 15:53

Easterbunnygettingawrapping · 06/03/2026 09:09

My exh told our dc their new sibling wasn't a proper sibling as they were only half siblings... Also dc had a medical issue.. Exh told the dc it was because I was evil.

His poison didn't work. Could you try love bombing? Matching dsis T shirts... Tell her you hope the baby grows up as amazing and clever as her....

Love bombing is abusive and matching t-shirts is just going to cause more problems.

@Changingdemands you've moved very fast and have put your wants before your dds needs. A 9 year old should not be in the position of being expected to hold or comfort a baby, its not her job thats yours and your partners responsibility.
You've introduced and moved another women and her child into your home full time and then had another child all in a very short period of time, this will have had a massive destabilising effect on your dd she most likely feels pushed out and replaced by her SS especially with you comparing her to her ss and then you expecting her to parent your new baby.
Do you ever spend time with her 1to1?
Your ex is not to blame for this mess or your dds reaction to it, thats all on you and if you dont start putting your dds needs 1st you will lose her as in another couple of years she can refuse to even see you

gamerchick · 06/03/2026 16:37

FreshInks · 06/03/2026 15:52

Starting to get the feeling that OP doesn’t like women very much

I think he just likes to be in control of everything and gets a 'bit on edge" when people don't behave the way he thinks they should.

OpheliaWitchoftheWoods · 06/03/2026 16:52

Changingdemands · 06/03/2026 13:42

So to address the posts, thanks to ALL replies.

Some context. My ex does not support me at all. We were never married. I paid for her to find a place and unbeknownst to her donated 80k for her house deposit which she believes came from a close friend. I pay voluntarily for our daughters school fees and will for her next school, the alternative is my ex wishes to home school our daughter, surrogate for a need for 5 days of custody every 7 days. She has no credentials and sought to remove our daughter from a stable and nurturing small school by court order which was not given the time of day

My ex's father has a SHPO against minors, my ex wishing to put contact in place barred by criminal court and social services, was the focus of two private court proceedings she initiated.

I met my partner in Dec 2022. I split from my ex in 2018. My partner and I are nearly 40 and we both wanted more children, risk goes up, time is /was running out. My partner had an abusive ex and together we have worked on a relationship which allows a lot of free flow of conversation and my partner's daughter to see a relationship that is productive and child focused. My daughter sees that too which leads to some questions about why she cannot have that and that is hard as its not for want of trying

Our 8 month old is very happy. My 9 year old, the focus of my invitation for insights, was very close and very excited by the idea of having a sister. This behaviour of distance only began a few months ago.

Finally the man vs woman debate which jas also been raised. People are people. Men can do just as much harm as women. Its about a focus on the best rhing for the child. For the responses questioning my previous actions to have caused all this and what behaviour am I doing now thats justifying my ex's behaviour which the inference is I deserve...our relationship was not working in 2015 after 2 years together. I sought to end it, we were just not compatible. We gave it more time. It didnt work despite best efforts but really went downhill when my exs father moved in with us overnight from abroad and remained for 36months essentially preventing any earnest conversation or intimacy we may have redeveloped. He got into trouble at my daughters school a few times which I had to intervene with as my ex was scared of confronting her father.

I listen to what my daughter asks -cliche but true and im honest about what we can and cannot achieve (e.g. please can both mum and dad be at my 10th birthday (my answer has been for the last 7 years - yes she is always welcome and an invitation is extended, mothers day cards and day and mums bday is always supported - nil likewise and I dont mind that - I only post as some of the replies here have been disappointing devicive))

I take an approach to make things better and build bridges rather than undermine or seek advantage. I've never had an interest in leverage. It simply undermines any hope of future cooperation

To the question I originally asked

Ive invited my ex to family therapy 3 times over the past 7 years most recently jan to may 2025 after which my ex left again. In that setting she said she has no interest in supporting or talking to our daughter about my partner, new baby or any difficulties she might be experiencing. She has no interest in meeting. She has no interest in joint activities or discussion. All fine

I imagine my ex well might feel threatened but if we have no dialogue (0 we communicate via an app at her request but we do not discuss anything. If I raise a question its just ignored e.g. swap days / school kit / attendance at school trips. For this reason as an example I have triple of everything for when it gets stuck at my exs house, lost at school my daughter has what she needs. Enabling yes but a strategy that means i dont have to stress about no school shies coming back home, missing swim kit or similar.

I've had discussions specifically about not replacing anyone, my daughter was actually worried she was being replaced and was happy to find thats not the case though shes getting used to less spotlight. We are adding to a bigger family.

My partners ex comes round for dinner every Wednesday. My daughter wants that for me and her and her mum too, again my ex has no interest to support and I accept that

Hopefully that answers most criticisms and questions until I review again

Thank you to the responses adding insight. To anyone else who reads this and responsds, first thank you for your time. I realise I am likely making lots of mistakes along the way none of this is hollywood make belief. Hence reaching out for insights NOT validation or approval. This is not a pity post.
Secondly before you hit send, please ask yourself if your post is adding or subtracting. You are not just replying to me but to the community. The majority of what I've read so far is just pitching man vs woman. I've come from a home where both my parents got new partners after divorce and my brother and I didnt much care and became fiercely independent. I am now close to both sets of my parents as is my 9yr old daughter and her half sister and step sister.

I'm out OP, I have nothing to say that you would want to hear and it sounds as if you feel you have all the answers anyway.

Hoardasurass · 06/03/2026 16:53

Changingdemands · 06/03/2026 13:42

So to address the posts, thanks to ALL replies.

Some context. My ex does not support me at all. We were never married. I paid for her to find a place and unbeknownst to her donated 80k for her house deposit which she believes came from a close friend. I pay voluntarily for our daughters school fees and will for her next school, the alternative is my ex wishes to home school our daughter, surrogate for a need for 5 days of custody every 7 days. She has no credentials and sought to remove our daughter from a stable and nurturing small school by court order which was not given the time of day

My ex's father has a SHPO against minors, my ex wishing to put contact in place barred by criminal court and social services, was the focus of two private court proceedings she initiated.

I met my partner in Dec 2022. I split from my ex in 2018. My partner and I are nearly 40 and we both wanted more children, risk goes up, time is /was running out. My partner had an abusive ex and together we have worked on a relationship which allows a lot of free flow of conversation and my partner's daughter to see a relationship that is productive and child focused. My daughter sees that too which leads to some questions about why she cannot have that and that is hard as its not for want of trying

Our 8 month old is very happy. My 9 year old, the focus of my invitation for insights, was very close and very excited by the idea of having a sister. This behaviour of distance only began a few months ago.

Finally the man vs woman debate which jas also been raised. People are people. Men can do just as much harm as women. Its about a focus on the best rhing for the child. For the responses questioning my previous actions to have caused all this and what behaviour am I doing now thats justifying my ex's behaviour which the inference is I deserve...our relationship was not working in 2015 after 2 years together. I sought to end it, we were just not compatible. We gave it more time. It didnt work despite best efforts but really went downhill when my exs father moved in with us overnight from abroad and remained for 36months essentially preventing any earnest conversation or intimacy we may have redeveloped. He got into trouble at my daughters school a few times which I had to intervene with as my ex was scared of confronting her father.

I listen to what my daughter asks -cliche but true and im honest about what we can and cannot achieve (e.g. please can both mum and dad be at my 10th birthday (my answer has been for the last 7 years - yes she is always welcome and an invitation is extended, mothers day cards and day and mums bday is always supported - nil likewise and I dont mind that - I only post as some of the replies here have been disappointing devicive))

I take an approach to make things better and build bridges rather than undermine or seek advantage. I've never had an interest in leverage. It simply undermines any hope of future cooperation

To the question I originally asked

Ive invited my ex to family therapy 3 times over the past 7 years most recently jan to may 2025 after which my ex left again. In that setting she said she has no interest in supporting or talking to our daughter about my partner, new baby or any difficulties she might be experiencing. She has no interest in meeting. She has no interest in joint activities or discussion. All fine

I imagine my ex well might feel threatened but if we have no dialogue (0 we communicate via an app at her request but we do not discuss anything. If I raise a question its just ignored e.g. swap days / school kit / attendance at school trips. For this reason as an example I have triple of everything for when it gets stuck at my exs house, lost at school my daughter has what she needs. Enabling yes but a strategy that means i dont have to stress about no school shies coming back home, missing swim kit or similar.

I've had discussions specifically about not replacing anyone, my daughter was actually worried she was being replaced and was happy to find thats not the case though shes getting used to less spotlight. We are adding to a bigger family.

My partners ex comes round for dinner every Wednesday. My daughter wants that for me and her and her mum too, again my ex has no interest to support and I accept that

Hopefully that answers most criticisms and questions until I review again

Thank you to the responses adding insight. To anyone else who reads this and responsds, first thank you for your time. I realise I am likely making lots of mistakes along the way none of this is hollywood make belief. Hence reaching out for insights NOT validation or approval. This is not a pity post.
Secondly before you hit send, please ask yourself if your post is adding or subtracting. You are not just replying to me but to the community. The majority of what I've read so far is just pitching man vs woman. I've come from a home where both my parents got new partners after divorce and my brother and I didnt much care and became fiercely independent. I am now close to both sets of my parents as is my 9yr old daughter and her half sister and step sister.

Why are you inviting an abusive ex partner of your partner into your home around your dd thats not healthy its a very dangerous thing to do.
Your dds should never be around a known abuser on either side but your set up is not safe

Original poster

Changingdemands · 06/03/2026 17:30

Thingything · 06/03/2026 14:28

Cool. Basically, stick with it. A sibling is ALWAYS a good thing. More love. And little kids are adorable. Your daughter will fall for her little sibling's charm eventually.

Also - I haven't read the full thread but can imagine you'll be roasted by some posters. Men always are on mumsnet. But having read all your posts, it sounds to me like you're doing all the right things. For some people, a break up makes them unhinged in all manner of ways. I've seen it happen with women I know where the focus of their lives becomes getting even. It's such a shame, and a waste of energy. I really hope your ex finds some kind of happiness to distract her from trying to poison yours.

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Thanks, yes anticipated but thats also part of the reason to post. Scrutiny along with level headed comments like yours keep you checking perspectives and the horizon. Much love to you and thank you again. A few helpful posts this afternoon and yours is well up there for adding to the day rather than subtracting.

OP posts:

Original poster

Changingdemands · 06/03/2026 17:32

Hoardasurass · 06/03/2026 16:53

Why are you inviting an abusive ex partner of your partner into your home around your dd thats not healthy its a very dangerous thing to do.
Your dds should never be around a known abuser on either side but your set up is not safe

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To answer fully you'd need more context than I'm going to post further on suffice to say the set up is safe and everyone adds and contributes in a really positive manner. Its healthy and healed.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 06/03/2026 19:14

You did not have the right, to invite your partner's abuser into your lives regularly. Not at all. You don't have the right to repeatedly try to foist that on your ex either

Yanno, our kids get the measure of us in the end. It sounds as if yours is starting to. This is one of those times I want to hear the exs side.

It's up to you if you want to put that in your calculator or not.

LIZS · 06/03/2026 21:58

It feels as if you are using your dd as a power play with ex. If the relationship is over, joint therapy is irrelevant. Is your current p happy you are so friendly with her abusive ex? Maybe you need to think of your new home as a safe space for all. Your dd may have been excited at the idea of a new sibling, or at least you interpreted it as such, but reality is rather different and now she has to share your attention multiple ways. You think she should be involved in cuddling and watching the baby, she does not need that unless she asks. What is in it for her? No siblings so far apart will be naturally close, half or full, and maybe you need to cut her some slack. Once the baby gets older, her space will be further invaded and a toddler will not be welcome in a preteen bedroom. Does she even have her own bedroom at yours?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 06/03/2026 22:07

I am now in a new relationship of 3 years with a new 8 month old daughter. My eldest daughter is now struggling, will not hold her, barely comforts her unless in view of adults

So you abandoned your first daughter years ago, then met a new woman, got her pregnant immediately, had another daughter, and there's an older daughter from your new girlfriend who lives with you............ and you're wondering why your older child isn't interested.

Really?

TwistedWonder · 06/03/2026 22:16

gamerchick · 06/03/2026 16:37

I think he just likes to be in control of everything and gets a 'bit on edge" when people don't behave the way he thinks they should.

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Agree. He thinks women (including young girls) need to behave in the way he wants them to and when they don’t, then in his head they’re the problem.

As for bringing an abuser into the home to sit across the table from his victim - JFC what a vile power play.

BudgetBuster · 06/03/2026 22:28

Ah @Changingdemands I initially thought (and vocalised) how your situation is not ideal in that you have rushed a big decision like introducing a new partner and her child to your now 9yr old, then rushing in to have a baby less than 2 yrs later. Your updates saying how you purposely chose to have a baby with your partner (who is 2 minutes out of an apparently abusive relationship# and still spends a weird amount of time with said ex on a weekly basis) is disappointing because clearly it was a rushed decision.

I find it strange you don't live with your new partner.

But I'm utterly pissed off at your lies about it being your first time posting and that you clearly spent years fighting your ex for 50-50 access (which is generally to be applauded).... but you spent years fighting her for equal access only to very quickly decid you couldn't even take care of your now 9yr old.

Who looks after her now when you work overnight? Who picks her up from school?

Ezzee · 06/03/2026 22:34

gamerchick · 06/03/2026 15:41

Yeah I'm catching up with the rest. It was Secondly before you hit send, please ask yourself if your post is adding or subtracting. You are not just replying to me but to the community bit that weirded me out. I've had experience with blokes who go on like that and none of them good.

Heebie jeebies

Still it's told you something positive about your instincts.

Show quote history

FFS OP if this is how you speak to strangers on the internet it gives a real insight to how you speak to people IRL.
You don't get to dictate the narrative.
I hope in therapy you are working on yourself and not bitching about your ex, there are 2 sides to a story and I'd love to hear hers!
As for your DD stop trying to foist your new baby on her. let her take her own time and find her feet, she is a child and can only process her thoughts and emotions as a child!
When I was 10 my father and his wife had a child, I wanted nothing to do with their baby I wasn't interested, still not because of the way that they reacted to my not being sure, or attentive or gushing enough!

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 06/03/2026 22:45

My partner's ex comes round for dinner every Wednesday

What the fuck! You said he was violent towards her.
Why are you giving this cunt the time of day?

Hoardasurass · 06/03/2026 23:00

Changingdemands · 06/03/2026 17:32

To answer fully you'd need more context than I'm going to post further on suffice to say the set up is safe and everyone adds and contributes in a really positive manner. Its healthy and healed.

Show quote history

What a passive aggressive load of bs.
There is no way that you should be inflicting your partners abusive ex on your partner and her dd let alone on both of your dds.
The fact that you are trying to teach your dd that this sort of behaviour is normal and that its her mum whos being unreasonable for not joining in with your dangerous and abusive set up is further evidence of your abusive nature
Your ex is correct you shouldn't be anywhere near your dd and I truly hope that your ex goes back to crt and tells them about your psychologically abusive behaviour and set up, along with your attempts at coersive control and parental alienation.