Stepson doesn’t want a sibling

[Kitkat2407]

My stepson is turning 7 this year and I’ve been in his life since he was 3. He has a half sister from his mum turning 2 this year. Her partner also has 2 children. My stepson is my partners only child and he is the only grandchildren to my MIL and FIL. My partner and I are trying to conceive (think positive for us!) but recently my stepson has started saying to my partner that he wants to come over as there are no babies here!! I’m worried about his reaction when we get pregnant. Does anyone have advice on how to tell him and what we can do to make sure that he is ok with this next step. This will be my first child and I’m really excited, so is my partner but I am worried that he won’t take the news well and selfishly I don’t want him to end up making this experience miserable for us all. Any tips you have would be appreciated!!

He’s 7… he has a half sibling
and shares his home some of the time with 2 kids that belong to his mum’s boyfriend

Your home is his respite, hence his reluctance. But with love and care - he will be fine

Thank you, I hope so!

As long as you have the resources for your planned family, space, money, time, he will be ok with it in time, when he sees you doesn’t affect his relationship with his dad.

just keep being consistent for him, he’s probably not going to like it at first, and your going to have to show that a sibling won’t change his place in your lives.

Hello 😊
I have a stepson. I conceived when he was 10, I had been in his life since he was 4. His mum had a baby about a year before me (her partner was relatively new on the scene... definitely less than 2 years before the baby arrived).

Myself and my husband always said that we would wait until he was about 8/9 to start trying so that he understood a little bit more. We didn't want him to feel like we were pushing him out. But at that time his mum was single too so we didn't expect a sibling on her side first.

We just made sure that he wasn't pushed out. He always said he didn't want a sibling... my husband explained to him that we love him, but we want another child too and that's an adult decision. We made sure that he knew a sibling was always a possibility so he wasn't completely blindsided.

When the baby arrived, we made sure that he & my husband still had one on one time like they always had. Every Friday night they would watch a movie or go to the cinema or bowling etc just them whilst I had a bath or cosy night in. We kept this up, but I just went to the bedroom with the baby instead. We made sure that he was still able to do all his extracurricular activities etc.

My son is 2 now, stepson 13 and we are expecting again - that news hit him like a bomb though. He definitely doesn't LIKE being a big brother but I think that's more so his age.

He definitely struggles with having toddlers at both homes but he has his own room etc he can go off to and tbh he's off out socialising now.

Best of luck!

I feel sorry for DC in blended families. He was an only child and now he has 3 siblings and he is going to get another one! And he has to share his parents with all these DC, no stability for him

Which is no different to s nuclear family when new siblings come along...

It’s absolutely not the same in a family where the parents are together. New siblings can be hard in that situation but there is so much more simplicity. Blended families bring a lot more complexity. Ready made siblings at an older age can be extremely tough to adapt to and new babies of new partners are much more unsettling and anxiety inducing. I hope it all works out well for you all OP.

I specifically meant the previous points (which are different to yours). The previous poster said the child was an only child, and now is getting new siblings and has to share parents with said sibling..... which is similar in a nuclear setup.

Your points are different.

So absolutely the same as an only child in any family when siblings come along?

My ds was 5.5 when I got pregnant with his sister, he was not impressed when she came along but he had to get on with it!

Sorry but this is all about what you want, what you’re excited about, that he doesn’t make you feel miserable.

what about him?!?

he’s told you he doesn’t want another sibling. Poor little guy just wants somebody to listen to him for once.

im not saying don’t have one. But I would proceed with actually considering his feelings and so slowly. Not just ‘we’re so excited’ bulldozing through.

She deserves to be a mum though! It’s not her fault her DH has previous.

I don’t think anyone can genuinely pretend that having a sibling in a nuclear family a the same as being an only child, you parents splitting up, two step siblings on one side, then a half sibling on one side, followed by another on the other side, to be followed by god knows what!

who on early can genuinely compare the two!

He will come around to the idea, can’t let a 7 year old dictate your life choices. Have the baby ❤️

It’s not the same. They both have their mum and dad who they live with all the time. This little boy doesn’t have a house where both his mum and dad live, but some of his siblings do. He will feel pushed out of both families.

Obviously don't tell him anything until you are actually pregnant.

So a woman who doesn’t have any responsibility or this child is supposed to give up having an actual child of her own? Let’s be real here.

um?!? She chose to marry someone who had a child. That should surely come with some responsibility to at least consider the child’s feelings? The victim here is the little boy, who no one seems to put first.

But it’s not this persons job to give her dream of a baby up for someone else’s child.

While those particular points aren't any different - add in "ready made" step siblings, and the fact that your parents new children have their parents full time while you have to shuffle between both of these complete families that don't feel fully like their yours anymore.. it's tough!

It’s definitely his father’s job though to consider it. And ‘give up her dream’ is hyperbole. They could wait like the poster above did.

If the mum of stepchild has moved on and had a new baby, why shouldn’t dad and new partner?

Exactly @lunar1

People should think about the impact of children from previous relationship. It is very different from having another child within a nuclear family and even then most people don’t have 5 children because of the fact it is hard to give enough time to 5 children (and some of these children are being shunted between their parents)

But the kids own mother has, so why shouldn’t this woman who owes him nothing?

Step families are so harshly judged.

So just add to the crapness for this child

And blindside him? Wouldn't recommend.