Stepson doesn’t want a sibling

[Kitkat2407]

My stepson is turning 7 this year and I’ve been in his life since he was 3. He has a half sister from his mum turning 2 this year. Her partner also has 2 children. My stepson is my partners only child and he is the only grandchildren to my MIL and FIL. My partner and I are trying to conceive (think positive for us!) but recently my stepson has started saying to my partner that he wants to come over as there are no babies here!! I’m worried about his reaction when we get pregnant. Does anyone have advice on how to tell him and what we can do to make sure that he is ok with this next step. This will be my first child and I’m really excited, so is my partner but I am worried that he won’t take the news well and selfishly I don’t want him to end up making this experience miserable for us all. Any tips you have would be appreciated!!

All the parents join in on ensuring this child has less and less time with a parent? Good plan.

Since when is it the normal to give literal children the heads up about trying to conceive! It is ridiculous - adults have babies. End of.

What?! She chose a guy who had a child already. That was a choice. There are lots of men out there without children.

Not saying that she shouldn’t go ahead, if they can do it in a sensitive way. But she definitely had a choice here.

Ffs how is the little lad a victim🙄

My parents are split I have 4 younger siblings, 2 from my dad and sm and 2 from my mum and sd, and I am quite a lot older than them. It’s not as horrendous as you think it is.
I love my siblings and I love my step parents.

Just to add as they split up when I was so young I don’t remember them ever being together so my family set up is so normal to me

I never mentioned telling him about trying to conceive. But he has mentioned he doesn't want more siblings etc so they can easily drop hints that they might like to have a baby in the future.

It’s ridiculous now. Step kids get more rights than normal kids in a family now. Get to control and dictate the whole lot or they’re victims….

Victim was probably too strong a word, you’re right. But it’s definitely the case that no one is putting him first.

Normal kids? Jesus 🙄

Its no different really from a large family though is it? Children dont get to choose how many siblings they have, that is up to the parents!

I don’t know anyone with stepkids like that?

You’ve decided all stepkids get everything over “normal kids” and it’s ridiculous get a grip.

My Stepmum is my absolute best friend, I would hate to think she thought of me like that.

Exactly, like the family on 22 kids and counting, I’d rather have 2 homes with 2 kids in each than 22 in one house!

22 is more like having several litters of children 😂😂

VICTIM ? 😂

There is almost a decade between myself and my younger (full) sibling. I can tell you now that was the best birth control my parents could have gotten me 😂.

I remembered all the stages. Being a tween with a toddler running round. Leaving home for uni with them becoming a stroppy tween. I was ADAMANT for over a decade I was child free and thats that because there was no way I wanted to do that shit. I was old enough to see abd understand how hard parenting is and unable to see the joy you can derive from it.

His half sibling is turning 2. 18 months to 3 is a bloody hard stage. My friend once described it fairly accurately as living with a gaslighting ex. They run round screaming instructions at you like little dictators. Scream blue murder and tantrum when you can't understand them, and also scream blue murder and tantrum like you've murdered the most precious thing in the universe to them when you give them exactly what they asked for because you definitely should have known they didn't actually want it. Mine was still waking 10 times a night at this stage. Wouldn't eat anything but snacks. Was emotionally unstable when didnt nap, running the halls to midnight if they did. Worked out how to take clothes off around that age and decided to pee on the walls.

Worth it? 100% love them more than anything? 100%. But toddlers are not for the weak and he's seeing it right now.

He has adjusted there and he will adjust to your little one when they hopefully make an appearance. What you're experiencing isn't unique to it being a step child. My parents were still together having a full sibling and it just about put me off for life. Parenting is hard, just try make sure he feels involved but make sure you have a clear distinction as a sibling rather than a caring for baby role.

‘Normal kids’?

so you accept that step kids are living an abnormal situation?

Thank you for sharing! My stepsons mum was with her partner for 4 months when she got pregnant, was a bit of a shock for everyone.

We have always spoken to my stepson about us having a baby, when he was 4 he always say he wanted a baby brother called Gorilla!! Haha. So it has taken us by surprise with some of the comments he’s been making recently.

I think you make a great point about quality time. He always has time on his weekends with his dad, every weekend they will be out swimming, adventure parks etc sometimes I will join them and other times they have time together.

sounds like you navigated successfully! Gives me hope that it can be done. Thank you so much!

@Kitkat2407 how much time does stepson have at your house?

Oh hunny you don’t need to feel sorry for him. He is a very loved little boy and trust me when I say he has more stability than some nuclear families I know. Children don’t get to dictate if/how many siblings they have, I was asking for advice. Seeing as you obviously do not have anything constructive to say, you can move along to another post to spread your misery. 😅

I also feel for him, while also understanding that you are hoping for your own shared child. It is understandable he likes the break from the busy home his mum has. I do think blended families are challenging and it's that little more important to consider all when making decisions.
Hope it works out for you all.

I think you will find it definitely is about what me and my partner want! I love my stepson however, as what happens with children, I have to sacrifice so much to be a loving relationship with a man with children. (Yes, I chose this life and wouldn’t have it any other way!) Me and my partner constantly put his needs first, he has soooo much choice on a day-to-day basis but the only thing he doesn’t get to decide is what happens in mine and my partners relationship. We will be having children and yes we are very excited 😍So if your negative comments are all you will bring to the thread, I suggest you leave the internet and get some therapy instead hunny.

He’ll be fine. He’s only 7, he’s not going to ruin the experience of having a child for you!!

I also have a 7 yo and recently had a baby (different dad). With patience kids do adjust. I don’t think you need to catastrophise anything. Your home is probably just a lot more peaceful than his mum’s home with a two year old at the moment! Also, there will be a bigger age gap between him and the sibling he will have from you, meaning he may have more patience and understanding towards a toddler by then (my friend has two older boys and the 9 yo seems to enjoy the baby more than the 6 yo).

Be empathetic towards his viewpoint as this won’t be a new experience for him and he may be feeling slightly over the whole thing, which is understandable- but that doesn’t mean he’ll always feel this way! His feelings are perfectly valid, but just remember this baby is just hypothetical. You can’t trust a 7 yo’s viewpoint on the hypothetical to be a true indicator of how they’ll actually feel/behave in the real life situation.

Expect ups and downs. My 7 yo was so exited at first and he was great for the first week…then he wouldn’t acknowledge his baby sibling for months and I was so worried. However, now baby is 7 months old and can now interact with him he absolutely adores her. He never particularly wanted a sibling before (I asked to test the waters), but I have been pleasantly surprised by his ecstatic love for her.

And you can judge that from one paragraph on the internet??! My stepson is literally put first in EVERY other aspect of life. But no, he doesn’t get a choice in this because he is a child. Oh, this may upset you even more but me and my partner aren’t married 😄

Victim 😂there is some very strange people out there!! Anyone would think we are abusing him. I love my stepson and his parents split before he was 1. He has just turned 3 when I came into his life. He knows no different!

im glad you have a good relationship with your siblings. That gives me hope 😍

Thank you, finally someone with experience and advice 😘

I completely understand it will be a big adjustment for him and want this to be a smooth transition for him. I’m so glad your experience has turned out positively and I do expect a few hiccups along the way.

Thank you for sharing and giving me hope that it will all work out. I really appreciate your advice ❤

So it’s ok if neither natural parent thinks about the poor child stuck in the middle? Sounds fair. 🙄