Is it me?

[Nightsparkle]

I need some guidance on whether I’m being completely unreasonable or my husband is. For context my step son is 15 and lives 3 hours away and we have a 1 year old together. Step son doesn’t want to come and visit us often (long story but he’s of that age, his mum also has turned him against us and uses our house as a punishment option when she’s had enough to him). He’s supposed to come every 4 weeks but mostly cancels as his mum says it’s fine for him to stay at home and then when he’s naughty, we usually get a call saying she wants him gone.

we’ve not seen him over Christmas as he didn’t want to visit and my husband missed one visit as he was in hospital for 2 weeks. He now can’t drive for a while so got into a conversation earlier about how step son might come down next weekend. Without even asking me it was assumed I’d do pick up and drop off which would be pick up late friday night and drop off Sunday evening. Theres been no mention of me driving the whole way (mum makes my husband do a 6 hr round trip as she won’t meet halfway) but husband said I’d need to meet halfway. I asked seeing I’m up early with our daughter and with her all day whether he would ask mum if she’d be willing to drive down to us on the Friday evening and I’d meet halfway on the Sunday. Husband went into a right huff and said he couldn’t ask that as she’d give him grief and wouldn’t do it. I just said given the situation of being in hospital, couldn’t he at least ask but he said no.

I have no issue helping where I can but I suppose I’m annoyed that there’s been no consideration on the impact to me and he’s not even willing to have a conversation with his ex-wife. Given he has to do a 6hr round trip, I’m unsure why we’d even be in the wrong to ask. She sleeps in late and doesn’t work so has no ties whereas I’m up very early, will have done a working week and will have a toddler all day and then expected to do a 3hr drive (think I’m also getting old as really hate driving in the dark too haha).

Am I in the wrong? He says we’re clearly not a team and I don’t want him to think that but I guess I’m feeling put out that we’re constantly inconvenienced and treading on egg shells when his ex-wife treats him appallingly and step son never even wants to come!

Let him get the train then…

You really think nobody on benefits can afford to use a car? If se is getting more than for working, she surely could afford the petrol. She's the one who took the kid so far away, don't forget.

Ss needs to start using public transport..

Yes, if this was a man moving three hours away and flatly refusing to support contact with some driving he’d be rightly demolished on other boards.

Everyone piling on OP- it’s the way she has not been asked and the husband won’t help with kids while she did this and has no boundaries with his ex wife who is frankly taking the Piss - she also would have been at work all day!!!

she seems up to supporting contact but what’s her husband to exercise the boundaries he needs to with ex and ask her properly and pitch in with kids while she’s doing it

OP is getting caught up in a drama triangle OH, his son and mother are creating

she is the reasonable one imv

It would be simpler to ask him to catch the train down. Then I would pick him up from the station. Dad can send him money to buy tickets and snacks.

A 15 yo boy doesn't need 3 chauffeurs...

Can’t understand why you have even had a child with this man, given how his parenting skills are like with the child he’s already got!!
Cant your husband go visit his son and stay in a hotel for a couple of days instead of driving to pick up his son and bringing him back to your house and then having to drive him back to his mums house??

He's a child

Not 3 chauffeurs no but his mum's a cunt by the sounds of things and I think a wife should help their DH (if they're a good DH) and a child/children involved.

If dad is too unwell to drive then real mum should bring him or at least halfway but.... She's a cunt so she won't.
OP shouldn't have to do it but otherwise her DH doesn't see his son....

What a shit situation.

This is between your husband and his ex.
He finds it easier to bully you that inconvenience his ex.
Do not get involved.
His child.
His ex.
His issue to resolve.
Don't be bullied or guilted.
This is not on you.

Oh that must make SS feel so shit 😢

12 hours driving over two days is ridiculous. Absolutely no way.

How did the trip / visit go OP ?

Don't understand why nobody has suggested this before!

Have you thought of going to fetch him by train? Might give you a few hours of 1/1 conversation which sounds like a B. good idea! Apologies if that's been suggested already?