Thoughts about bills ......

[GreatPlumBiscuit]

Hi, I could do with some advice/thoughts on this situation please!

I moved in with my partner three years ago. He owns the house (four bed semi) and it's mortgage free. His two children come every other weekend Fri - Mon and one day for dinner when not with us over the weekend, and half of all the school holidays and inset days.

I've worked out we have the two children around 115 days of the year. My partner doesn't pay much maintenance towards the children as their mum is on a higher salary than he is.

The bills in the house are quite high and I don't know how this all works tbh... I don't want to be tight or nit picky about things but I do feel like I'm subsidising the kids and him a bit tbh!

I was spending way less money before when I was living on my own and had a mortgage and paid all my own bills!

Thanks

What bills do you think are considerably higher for the kids being there every other weekend?

Food bill for example is fair enough, he should be paying for his & theirs with you paying for your share if you want separate finances, but other bills would be much harder to quantify really.

What bills are you paying? And what is he paying? Its hard to comment without some numbers.

Sorry, forgot to add the main point of the thread, I pay 50% towards all of the household bills and food. He usually pays for the kids food from his own account.

Seems more than fair if you don’t have rent or a mortgage to pay!

Not sure I'm seeing the problem here, sounds like a fair arrangement as you're not having to pay rent or mortgage, only utilities.

Are you still paying your own mortgage? I think splitting the bills is fair enough especially as he pays for the children food. So you want them to pay for part of the bills? Surely they can’t be much more when the kids are there?

You've got your feet nicely under the table and are now begrudging a few crumbs for your partners kids? Are you going to start itemising everything they eat and charge them for it?

50 percent isnt to bad considering you have no rent or mortage to pay for. I was expecting like 75 percent.

No I don't have to pay a mortgage. I sold my house and moved in here.

I'm paying 1k to 1.5k a month into a joint account that covers everything for us as a couple, including 50% towards every bill for the house. Insurance, council tax, electricity, gas, water etc etc.

There are two teenagers here a third of the year, so two extra bodies, using all of the above and I wondered if other stepparents paid 50% towards bills in a similar situation. Or does the parent pay a bit more.

Blah blah blah.

Looking for input from other step parents please.

You’re living rent free!

I will repeat the question....... this is not about the rent or mortgage. My partner lives rent and mortgage free too.... so the question is about the bills.

Should I be paying 50% of all household bills when his teenagers are here a third of the year.

I'm asking for step parents experiences please.

Presumably he’s only mortgage free because he has actually paid his mortgage though. You don’t own that house, if you were single you’d have to pay rent AND bills.

Yes, you’re getting an absolute bargain only paying 50% :)

What is it that you think the children are doing that maybe increases the bills while they are there!
He pays for the extra food separately?
The only things that are likely to be higher when they’re visiting are electricity, gas and maybe water use??

50% split is normal. If you were better off on your own, why live with him?

Still waiting for a response from actual step parents in a similar situation.

People seem quite put out (fucking furious) that I live mortgage/rent free ..... it's not my fault my partner had enough money to buy his house outright.

I'm asking a question about bills.

Two large teenagers spend a third of the year here. Of course they use a huge amount of all the utilities. I am asking for feedback from step parents and if they contributed 50% towards all bills in a similar situation.

if you are not married have you protected the equity you did have in your house before you sold it?
You should still be investing your money somewhere as you were when paying off your mortgage.

it sounds a bit weird that 50 percent of bills, even in a bigger place, is more than the total bills plus mortgage in your own place. Are you certain you are only paying 50 percent?

You were probably better off three years ago because everything has exploded in price since then, I'd be careful to factor that in when you discuss it - he's almost definitely paying more as well and iyou blaming his kids is the equivalent of him thinking that price change is your fault.

What are the typical bills?
Presumably council tax is a fixed cost.
Broadband tv?
Water?
Utilities?

Would you feel better about the situation if you changed the way things were itemized? Instead of paying 50% of the bills, you could instead pay your share of the bills and then a separate rent payment.

are you really spending more a month on rent and bills than when you lived alone?

You already said he pays for their food. 50/50 is fair for bills

Are any of the people who have responded to my question step parents in my situation please?

Step parent here as requested 🙋🏻‍♀️yes you should. You’re in a family set up, can’t just dip a toe in. I’m also a step daughter that’s been treated as family from the get go. Pettiness over pennies will fester, good luck and I hope all works out

Food will be the biggest cost of teens and it sounds like he’s paying that.

It’s hard to say if he’s taking the piss wrt bills as utilities etc will have gone up since you moved in and council tax will obviously be more in a big house.

CM is a percentage of NRP’s bill with a discount for overnights. Mum’s salary doesn’t matter unless it’s a private agreement.

If he’s bought lots of subscriptions or expensive outings for/with the teens that you don’t use or want to attend then there might be an argument that you shouldn’t pay those bills.

I've been a step parent for 20 years with two now adult DSD.

Your arrangement is fair.

HTH