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Thoughts about bills ......

110 replies

GreatPlumBiscuit · 26/08/2025 13:44

Hi, I could do with some advice/thoughts on this situation please!

I moved in with my partner three years ago. He owns the house (four bed semi) and it's mortgage free. His two children come every other weekend Fri - Mon and one day for dinner when not with us over the weekend, and half of all the school holidays and inset days.

I've worked out we have the two children around 115 days of the year. My partner doesn't pay much maintenance towards the children as their mum is on a higher salary than he is.

The bills in the house are quite high and I don't know how this all works tbh... I don't want to be tight or nit picky about things but I do feel like I'm subsidising the kids and him a bit tbh!

I was spending way less money before when I was living on my own and had a mortgage and paid all my own bills!

Thanks

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SapphireOpal · 27/08/2025 08:42

GreatPlumBiscuit · 26/08/2025 14:37

Still waiting for a response from actual step parents in a similar situation.

People seem quite put out (fucking furious) that I live mortgage/rent free ..... it's not my fault my partner had enough money to buy his house outright.

I'm asking a question about bills.

Two large teenagers spend a third of the year here. Of course they use a huge amount of all the utilities. I am asking for feedback from step parents and if they contributed 50% towards all bills in a similar situation.

I'm a stepparent. Everything is in one pot then we get the same amount of personal spends, so I effectively pay more of the bills because I earn more. But I have been in my DPs life since DSC was 1 and I also have a DC with him so it's a bit different.

Would you rather he charged you 33 percent of the bills but then also charged you rent? It's the same difference. I'd just be glad you are not having to pay rent tbh and not overthink and nitpick exactly what the money you're paying is for. I think that's the point PPs are trying to make re the rent.

Clawdes · 27/08/2025 08:42

Rattai · 27/08/2025 08:38

I think it would be useful for you to sit and work out the annual electric, gas and water to see if it's really those build that are making up the majority of your monthly expenses
Aldi with nothing that everything was sooooo much cheaper three years ago so it will feel like you are paying a lot more.
If expect him to do the food shop for the weekends when they come over and also to remind them to try and be mindful about the amount of water and power they use. Not nagging just a reminder.

This is a good point. Everything is more expensive than it was three years ago OP, not just food.

Clawdes · 27/08/2025 08:43

SapphireOpal · 27/08/2025 08:42

I'm a stepparent. Everything is in one pot then we get the same amount of personal spends, so I effectively pay more of the bills because I earn more. But I have been in my DPs life since DSC was 1 and I also have a DC with him so it's a bit different.

Would you rather he charged you 33 percent of the bills but then also charged you rent? It's the same difference. I'd just be glad you are not having to pay rent tbh and not overthink and nitpick exactly what the money you're paying is for. I think that's the point PPs are trying to make re the rent.

How about child maintenance, school trip and uniform costs, hobby costs, etc? Do you pay for most of that too?

If so I think your husband is getting a very good deal.

SapphireOpal · 27/08/2025 08:46

Clawdes · 27/08/2025 08:43

How about child maintenance, school trip and uniform costs, hobby costs, etc? Do you pay for most of that too?

If so I think your husband is getting a very good deal.

We are married and totally share finances - there isn't his and mine, we have a joint account and joint savings and joint assets. So what "I" pay vs what "he" pays is a bit of a moot point. If he is paying £400 a month child maintenance that's £400 less in the joint savings - I'm not "paying" it per se but of course it indirectly affects me.

ThreeColouredFeather · 27/08/2025 08:51

GreatPlumBiscuit · 26/08/2025 14:22

Blah blah blah.

Looking for input from other step parents please.

You sound really lovely, OP.

Clawdes · 27/08/2025 08:52

SapphireOpal · 27/08/2025 08:46

We are married and totally share finances - there isn't his and mine, we have a joint account and joint savings and joint assets. So what "I" pay vs what "he" pays is a bit of a moot point. If he is paying £400 a month child maintenance that's £400 less in the joint savings - I'm not "paying" it per se but of course it indirectly affects me.

I hope he appreciates that!

ParmaVioletTea · 27/08/2025 09:33

GreatPlumBiscuit · 26/08/2025 13:58

Sorry, forgot to add the main point of the thread, I pay 50% towards all of the household bills and food. He usually pays for the kids food from his own account.

But you don’t pay rent? Seems to me you’re on a very cushy deal.

ParmaVioletTea · 27/08/2025 09:35

kitchenplans · 26/08/2025 15:02

To answer your question, 50% of bills and nothing towards rent or mortgage seems like a good deal to me.

Because you are part of a couple, he waives your market rate rent that you should be paying him, and you waive the minimal extra costs of having his children there part of the week. (FWIW I think his children's food costs should be covered jointly too).

You are doing very well indeed by this split of costs

Edited

This is the way I’d look at it as well.

LifeOfAShowgirl13 · 28/08/2025 18:44

GreatPlumBiscuit · 26/08/2025 14:26

I will repeat the question....... this is not about the rent or mortgage. My partner lives rent and mortgage free too.... so the question is about the bills.

Should I be paying 50% of all household bills when his teenagers are here a third of the year.

I'm asking for step parents experiences please.

I’m a step parent, one kid here 100% of the time, the other I would guess at being here 80% of the time. I pay more than half of rent and bills as I am the higer earner. I chose to marry someone with kids and I chose to love them and treat them as my own, so am perfectly happy with this. Would be nice if their mum paid some maintenance but that is another story!

InMyShowgirlEra · 28/08/2025 18:58

Stepmum here. Never once even occurred to me to worry about the amount of electricity my stepdaughter uses. Or for my husband to buy separate food so I wasn't accidentally paying for an extra dinner.

Maybe you could get one of those timers for the shower and put menus in their room with prices for meals. 🙄

Rainbows41 · 28/08/2025 19:43

The teenagers are his and therefore his responsibility. The house is also his and therefore also theirs.
Presumably he asked you to live with him/them, not to take on joint ownership of the house. Therefore the house insurance isn't your responsibility, along with anything that goes wrong with the house, including the appliances - as these are his responsibility.

His kids are there quite a bit, from the sounds of it. I would not expect a partner of mine to pay 50/50 towards the running of a house that was also my children's part-time home.

It does look like you're simply sharing his expenses with no benefit to you whatsoever.
I'm a single mother, with children so obviously my children are here the majority of the time when not at their dads.
Let's say my kids are at their dads the same amount as your partner's kids are with him - 1/3. This would mean they are with me 2/3 of the time. I would not expect my future partner who was not their parent to pay 50/50 of the running of our home if he was living with us, because the children are not his and not his responsibility, nor does he have any financial investment in our house.

Whether it's their main home or their part time home, it's still the children's home. Therefore, this part needs to be covered by their parents whose house it is, not you.
It's only pedantic if the parent responsible for them doesn't see this obvious flaw when wanting to charge you 50% of the running of their home.
How about this:

Let's say he owns a huge castle with 85 bedrooms - there is no mortgage on it as it's been in his family for generations. It would cost a fortune to run, certainly much more than any normal house. But it's his investment and has a lot to gain from it eventually.
So there he is bumbling around in his castle with his two teenagers who like to spend 1/3 of their time there and the rest at their mum's. How he affords to run his castle is his business, but he manages.
He eventually meets a lovely lady who lives in a small house. She only has to pay the smallest bills in her house as her consumption is minimal due to only her living there.
Castle man eventually declares he has fallen in love with her and asks her to move in with him. He says she needs to pay half of everything if she agrees to move in.

Q1. Should she be responsible for 50% of the running of her boyfriends castle?
His property is obviously much larger than her house she owns. Living in his castle has no benefit to her whatsoever, and moving in would not automatically mean she owns part of it, which means has no investment in it.
He is adamant she should pay half of the cost of the castle even if it means she pays out more than what it costs her to live in her current house. She also has to pay half of the council tax, property insurance and utilities.
As she thinks about it, she realises that living in a property of that size is of no benefit to her and she has no interest in it, so she begins to wonder why castle man wants her to stump up 50% of the costs of running his castle?
Is he taking advantage of her, or is he being fair?
I personally think she should only pay a contribution to the amenities that have increased due to her taking up residence there, so heating, gas, water and food.
She already has a firm idea what she costs in relation to these, as running her own home will reflect thrse costs beautifully. She should certainly not be paying any more than that.

BananaBreadWithCustard · 28/08/2025 19:56

I’m embarrassed for you 🤦‍♀️ 🤦‍♀️

lifeonthelane · 28/08/2025 20:02

Yes, it sounds fair. You've chosen to intertwine your lives to become one household. His children are part of the package you've bought into (excuse the pun).

Kitchenbattle · 28/08/2025 20:02

GreatPlumBiscuit · 26/08/2025 14:22

Blah blah blah.

Looking for input from other step parents please.

My DP and I own a house together. My dc live with us 50% of the time. He pays 50% of mortgage and bills. He sees us as 1 unit now.

ThreeColouredFeather · 28/08/2025 20:06

Rainbows41 · 28/08/2025 19:43

The teenagers are his and therefore his responsibility. The house is also his and therefore also theirs.
Presumably he asked you to live with him/them, not to take on joint ownership of the house. Therefore the house insurance isn't your responsibility, along with anything that goes wrong with the house, including the appliances - as these are his responsibility.

His kids are there quite a bit, from the sounds of it. I would not expect a partner of mine to pay 50/50 towards the running of a house that was also my children's part-time home.

It does look like you're simply sharing his expenses with no benefit to you whatsoever.
I'm a single mother, with children so obviously my children are here the majority of the time when not at their dads.
Let's say my kids are at their dads the same amount as your partner's kids are with him - 1/3. This would mean they are with me 2/3 of the time. I would not expect my future partner who was not their parent to pay 50/50 of the running of our home if he was living with us, because the children are not his and not his responsibility, nor does he have any financial investment in our house.

Whether it's their main home or their part time home, it's still the children's home. Therefore, this part needs to be covered by their parents whose house it is, not you.
It's only pedantic if the parent responsible for them doesn't see this obvious flaw when wanting to charge you 50% of the running of their home.
How about this:

Let's say he owns a huge castle with 85 bedrooms - there is no mortgage on it as it's been in his family for generations. It would cost a fortune to run, certainly much more than any normal house. But it's his investment and has a lot to gain from it eventually.
So there he is bumbling around in his castle with his two teenagers who like to spend 1/3 of their time there and the rest at their mum's. How he affords to run his castle is his business, but he manages.
He eventually meets a lovely lady who lives in a small house. She only has to pay the smallest bills in her house as her consumption is minimal due to only her living there.
Castle man eventually declares he has fallen in love with her and asks her to move in with him. He says she needs to pay half of everything if she agrees to move in.

Q1. Should she be responsible for 50% of the running of her boyfriends castle?
His property is obviously much larger than her house she owns. Living in his castle has no benefit to her whatsoever, and moving in would not automatically mean she owns part of it, which means has no investment in it.
He is adamant she should pay half of the cost of the castle even if it means she pays out more than what it costs her to live in her current house. She also has to pay half of the council tax, property insurance and utilities.
As she thinks about it, she realises that living in a property of that size is of no benefit to her and she has no interest in it, so she begins to wonder why castle man wants her to stump up 50% of the costs of running his castle?
Is he taking advantage of her, or is he being fair?
I personally think she should only pay a contribution to the amenities that have increased due to her taking up residence there, so heating, gas, water and food.
She already has a firm idea what she costs in relation to these, as running her own home will reflect thrse costs beautifully. She should certainly not be paying any more than that.

Edited

This has to be one of the most ridiculous responses I’ve ever read.

living in his castle has no benefit to her whatsoever. Apart from, for example, being able to be housed in a castle rent free.

Keyhooks · 28/08/2025 21:38

He has an asset and you don't.
Yes you are subsidising his children and not building an asset.
I think if you have less that when you were paying your own morgage then you are being used and are foolish.
Teens eat a lot.
A single woman eating healthily would pay a fraction of what you are paying.
Time to rethink.
Who cleans up after them?
If you are doing it then you are being used.

LifeOfAShowgirl13 · 28/08/2025 22:09

Keyhooks · 28/08/2025 21:38

He has an asset and you don't.
Yes you are subsidising his children and not building an asset.
I think if you have less that when you were paying your own morgage then you are being used and are foolish.
Teens eat a lot.
A single woman eating healthily would pay a fraction of what you are paying.
Time to rethink.
Who cleans up after them?
If you are doing it then you are being used.

OP already confirmed that the children’s dad pays for their food.

Edited to add - OP is also building an asset, a property, with the mortgage almost covered by the tenants’ rent. Whilst she lives rent and mortage free with her partner.

Mantii24 · 29/08/2025 07:38

i work part time, i have one older dd ( not dps)
he has two older dcs who stay every other weekend. we have one child together.
he pays 75/80% of mortgage and bills. he pays for his own dc food and everything else they need when here and majority of our child food and clothes. i pay for everything for my own dc clubs clothes pocket money, devices etc i dont earn a lot as we agreed i would be the main caregiver for our dd until she goes full time in school. but even then i still wont pay half as i will b still the lower earning person in the household.
so in answer to your question @GreatPlumBiscuiti would suggest 65/35% split as u shouldn’t have to pay for his childrens upkeep.
or 60/40? i think that’s fair x

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 29/08/2025 08:04

GreatPlumBiscuit · 26/08/2025 14:52

Are any of the people who have responded to my question step parents in my situation please?

I was and paid 50/50 including all food.

Ohmygodthepain · 29/08/2025 08:25

Do you have sight of all the bills op?

I'm struggling to work out why your 50% of the bills (excl mortgage) is £1-1.5k a month.

That's £30k a year in utilities and food. More than my entire salary for 3 adults/older teens plus I pay for my mortgage out of that.

It's a difficult one to objectify op - on one hand you have the benefit of living in a big house with none of the costs of maintaining the mortgage or house maintenance, but you ARE subsiding the cost of his 2 teen DC. He could argue you have the benefit of a bigger house which he has paid off, but your own costs were lower before moving in together.

Keyhooks · 29/08/2025 09:49

LifeOfAShowgirl13 · 28/08/2025 22:09

OP already confirmed that the children’s dad pays for their food.

Edited to add - OP is also building an asset, a property, with the mortgage almost covered by the tenants’ rent. Whilst she lives rent and mortage free with her partner.

Edited

Where on earth have you read that?
She has sold her house, stated clearly by her.

The food/utility bills with teens are huge.
The OP is clearly out of pocket if she is paying that much, more that her morgage was before she SOLD her house.

She is NOT adding to an asset.
She is paying towards his kids while his paid for house increases in value.

Foolish.
OP, rethink this.
Do the math.

Where would you be left if you need to leave HIS house?

Spirallingdownwards · 29/08/2025 09:55

GreatPlumBiscuit · 26/08/2025 14:26

I will repeat the question....... this is not about the rent or mortgage. My partner lives rent and mortgage free too.... so the question is about the bills.

Should I be paying 50% of all household bills when his teenagers are here a third of the year.

I'm asking for step parents experiences please.

Yes because even though he owns his house mortgage free he has paid for that house. You are indeed not paying any rent. He has already paid in full to house himself (and you).

If you tried this on me I would just ask you to pay market rent for a house share. I suspect the minimal amount of additional water/gas/electricity (if any) his kids use over and above your and his usage is far far less than market rent!

Shinyandnew1 · 29/08/2025 09:58

Edited to add - OP is also building an asset, a property, with the mortgage almost covered by the tenants’ rent.

@LifeOfAShowgirl13 where have you got that information from?

Nearly50omg · 29/08/2025 10:14

GreatPlumBiscuit · 26/08/2025 14:37

Still waiting for a response from actual step parents in a similar situation.

People seem quite put out (fucking furious) that I live mortgage/rent free ..... it's not my fault my partner had enough money to buy his house outright.

I'm asking a question about bills.

Two large teenagers spend a third of the year here. Of course they use a huge amount of all the utilities. I am asking for feedback from step parents and if they contributed 50% towards all bills in a similar situation.

You’re paying a LOT of money for just bills!!! Do you actually see the bills every month and know what they are? I would
suspect you are paying most of them tbh if you’re paying up to £1500 a month!!!

Shinyandnew1 · 29/08/2025 10:36

You’re paying a LOT of money for just bills!!!

Yes, I thought this! Are you sure what you're paying?