Thoughts about bills ......

[GreatPlumBiscuit]

Hi, I could do with some advice/thoughts on this situation please!

I moved in with my partner three years ago. He owns the house (four bed semi) and it's mortgage free. His two children come every other weekend Fri - Mon and one day for dinner when not with us over the weekend, and half of all the school holidays and inset days.

I've worked out we have the two children around 115 days of the year. My partner doesn't pay much maintenance towards the children as their mum is on a higher salary than he is.

The bills in the house are quite high and I don't know how this all works tbh... I don't want to be tight or nit picky about things but I do feel like I'm subsidising the kids and him a bit tbh!

I was spending way less money before when I was living on my own and had a mortgage and paid all my own bills!

Thanks

I get where you’re coming from. You feel you’re are subsidising his children in terms of electricity, water, etc. and they’re with you a third of year.

Have you had this discussion with your dp, although three years down the line, what has changed? Surely this was a discussion for when you have moved on, or is it a case they’re teens now, rather junior aged kids.

I hope the money from the sale of your house is well invested and protected.

It sounds like quite a big amount to pay in utlilities and food if your half is £1K-£1.5K with no mortgage. Do you both have expensive cars or something?

I think a fairer split of the bills would be that you pay a third and your partner pays 2 thirds since his kids are probably using about a third too. If he pays for all of his kids food then I guess 50/50 on yours and his food is fair.

To answer your question, 50% of bills and nothing towards rent or mortgage seems like a good deal to me.

Because you are part of a couple, he waives your market rate rent that you should be paying him, and you waive the minimal extra costs of having his children there part of the week. (FWIW I think his children's food costs should be covered jointly too).

You are doing very well indeed by this split of costs

Can you tell me why you think I should be paying for the children's food as well?

But a lot of those bills would be the same if the kids weren't there. Surely the council tax, most of the heating, Netflix etc would have to be paid anyway? He pays for their food, which would be a big expense. You are living rent-free. Have you sold your previous place? I wonder how half the bills now come to more than all the bills on your own.

Do you actually know how much all the individual bills are? Could you take meter readings before and after weekends the kids are there and weekends when they aren't and compare?

Running costs and council tax are going to be higher in a 4 bed house than in a single person sized house, and things like having the heating on when you are at home at the weekend are going to push costs up.

Do you know exactly what the bills come to and can you see what is going out of the joint account or does he just tell you what your half is each month? Why does it vary between £1-1.5K?

I spend under £1500 for all bills and food for a 3 bed (without mortgage/rent) so I'm surprised that it's £2-3K on bills (without the kids food) for a 4 bed.

I think 50% of bills would be fair for you to pay and I know my DP would do this (as step-parent) if living together.

@GreatPlumBiscuit

Are you in a relationship or are you house mates?

Because if you're in a relationship then you're a team.If you house mates then everything is split down to the last penny

If you're going to be rigid and draconian in how bills are split then a blended family life really isn't going to be a good environment for you.

Maybe have a think about what your expectations are and perhaps if this is the right fit for you. Blended families are hard enough at the best of times and need a lot of compromising to make them work.

I am a parent of DS living with DH (stepfather to DS). DH and I split mortgage and CT 50/50 but I pay 2/3 of utilities and food bills. That said I do get money from DS actual father which coves this. I actually have a spreadsheet and worked out the percentage of time DS is here (12 of every 14 nights) and worked out the percentage of every bill he should be included in and I pay his share to ensure it’s fair and DH doesn’t feel like he’s paying for my DS.

Because he's comping you rent, which is far more £££ than a bit of gas, electric and water that the children add to your household costs. Even paying for their food wouldn't make up the amount you're saving by him waiving the market rate rent that you should be paying him.

If finances not shared, you owe him market rate rent, plus the exact percentage of bills that equate to you.

If (cos family), you're sharing costs differently, then he drops your rent and you split all family costs 50/50.

You are paying less than you should, courtesy of your relationship with him, if you pay no rent and 50% of all the household bills.

You are doing very well out of this arrangement.

To me, the issue seems to be that the bills seem very high. Assuming he's paying in the same amount as you, and there's no rent/mortgage, £3000 per month seems a lot. What does that cover?

Overall, my general view is that when you move in with a partner, assuming a similar quality of life, you should both be benefiting financially to a similar degree. So if you're not, the step children are a bit of a red herring?

Most bills aren’t going to be more expensive based on his children living there - council tax, insurance, TV license, TV subscriptions, landline and broadband etc would not be any cheaper if he didn’t have his kids as they’ll be a fixed rate. Even water rates are usually based on the size of the house, not actual usage. The only bills I can see going up based on his kids being there are food (which you say he already covers for the kids) and gas/ electricity. Realistically even gas and electric probably don’t go up hugely as a lot of things such as heating the house and cooking an evening meal you’d be doing anyway whether housing 2 people or 4, it’s probably a difference of a few hundred a year. Are you really so petty as to raise it for the sake of a few hundred when you already have a pretty good deal living without paying any mortgage/ rent? I know you say it was cheaper when you had your own home, but how long ago was that? The cost of living has gone up so much are you sure it would still be cheaper to run your own home?

I think you need to work out the difference between when you are on your own and when "the two extra bodies" are there in terms of gaz, water and electricity (you said he paid separately for food for the children). You can just go through your bills to see if there is an increase during the period where the children have stayed there.

I don’t notice a big difference between my bills when DD is here than when st uni. It costs the same to heat a house no matter how many people in it, and a few extra showers or washing machine loads can’t add up to huge amounts.
So you are saying that your 50% share of bills is more than your 100% when in your own plus mortgage? Do you see sight of the bills? I own a three bedroom house, pay £100/month utilities, £180/month council tax (I do get 25% discount), £65/month water, £2000/year ins plus day £150/month for internet and Netflix/Prime. That’s around £700/month in total. Our food bill is probably £500/month maybe more as we have three pets. So round it generously up that is £1500/month. Total. How are your bills closer to £3000? I know your house is bigger.
Anyway that’s really besides the point. You say he pays for the kids food separately. So really I think it’s fair what you have at the moment. Unless he starts asking you to help pay for the kids other expenses and trips I don’t really see how it can be fairer.
The only thing is if he earned considerably more than you, but then you already have the advantage of not having to pay mortgage or rent.

Stepmother who had a similar arrangement to you. I think the only advice is that you can send yourself a little bit mad once you start doing the sort of calculations you are doing in your head.

We sat down, we didn't have a joint account at that point, and I said I didn't feel it was fair my funding his kids but equally I didn't want to be divvying up every spend. We came to a loose agreement where I paid for most of the food shop but generally not the big shops when the kids were there, I paid for some of the bills - wasn't done to a particular formula but felt sort of fair (especially as I wasn't paying mortgage or rent) and no one felt particularly put out.

Swings and roundabouts. It may be that you both have different money styles. I know a couple who write down every spend in a book and divvy it up according to a complex formula at the end of the month and then have little digs at each other when the joint account is used for treats....I can't work like that.

Not a step parent, but I'll go against the flow here.

The overall bills are now higher, because it is a bigger house with more expensive insurance, tax, heating. He would presumably finance it himself if he weren't living with you.

Living together should save money to you both, not only him.

In this house, 2 adults, 1 of which is a step parent to 3DC. No shared kids. All kids are now actually adults… 1 still at home full time, her boyfriend lives with us 99% of the time, eldest is only home when back from uni.

Bills are split 50/50 between the myself and DP.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, finally someone who was in my situation.

We do have a joint account, we both just put £500 in it whenever it runs out so absolutely no record taking of who spent what.

Out of this, all household bills are paid and food (mainly for just us, but I often do a food shop for all of us and never say anything or calculate how much was on the kids). Things like flights, occasional socialising, dinners out etc, just for us as a couple.

I do feel a bit overwhelmed by the amount of money going out on bills, they are high .... and of course, very long showers x 2, lights left on all over the house x 2, hours of gaming, TV's, central heating on when I wouldn't usually have it on, etc etc, all 'normal' teenage behaviour... but I do honestly feel like I am paying for them and they aren't my children.

I gently remind them to turn things off but don't want to be a grump about things.

I am a step parent who actually pays majority of the bills. I am the higher earner and when we moved in together we paid percentage of our earnings and mine were significantly higher. My DSS lives with us full time, does not see his biological mother and hasn't for 10 years and we receive about £20 a month on maintenance

I don't have a problem with it as I signed up to this life when I got with my DH and married a single dad. Presuming you came to agreements before moving in. Although £1500 sounds a lot for half the bills....Ours are around £3000 for 2 teens, 4 phone contracts, insurance, subscriptions and a high rent cost. I would very questioning why it is so high. Having teens using the utilities 1/3 of the year can't bump it up that much?

Showers and heating are the only two things really impacting bills. And food, obviouslty, if from joint account.

The reality is tha tyouo're not happy so you need to speak with him. At the end of the day, you seem to be spending MORE even while living in a house that is rent/mortgage free and that makes no sense. I have to wonder what is actually b being paid for from the joint account - have you looked closely?

Especially as you've sole your house so you're gaining any additional assets from these costs that are higher than they were before.

It sounds fair overall to me, I'd probably just suggest looking at ways you might be able to spend less as a household. Perhaps you need to sit down together and work out what it's being spent on and where money might be bing wasted/cut backs could be made.

If you're happy with that situation then that's great.

Are you sure you are not paying more than 50% have you seen copies of the bills? Also just because his ex earns more that doesn’t mean he should not pay much maintenance. It should be a percentage of his salary regardless. Sounds like he has a great deal going between his ex and you. Also should you not consider keeping a flat or something to rent out. By selling your place and moving in to his it puts you in a difficult position if you break up.

I’m not a step parent but DP who lives with us is.

We split all household bills including mortgage 50/50

I pay kids clothes, childcare, activities. Holidays are 50:50 as are gifts etc. He also regularly treats the kids to days out etc.

So yes, you’re underpaying as your partner allows you to live rent free. My partner would be shocked at your attitude

Why did you sell your house if his was already mortgage free? You should have kept it for security.