Thoughts about bills ......

[GreatPlumBiscuit]

Hi, I could do with some advice/thoughts on this situation please!

I moved in with my partner three years ago. He owns the house (four bed semi) and it's mortgage free. His two children come every other weekend Fri - Mon and one day for dinner when not with us over the weekend, and half of all the school holidays and inset days.

I've worked out we have the two children around 115 days of the year. My partner doesn't pay much maintenance towards the children as their mum is on a higher salary than he is.

The bills in the house are quite high and I don't know how this all works tbh... I don't want to be tight or nit picky about things but I do feel like I'm subsidising the kids and him a bit tbh!

I was spending way less money before when I was living on my own and had a mortgage and paid all my own bills!

Thanks

I’m a stepparent though I have my own dc who live with us all the time and DH’s children are here EOW. We split everything down the middle. I pay for expenses like uniforms and tutoring but food is a family expense because we are a family. I don’t think it really works if you are itemising things.

I think I got threads mixed up, my bad 🤦🏼‍♀️

Happens to the best of us😁

I'm a step parent and my partner and I split everything 50/50 we just put the same amount into a joint account and everything comes out of that. This includes the food shop for dinners when step kids are here too. My partner goes go to the shop to sometimes get them bits in for lunch and treats out of his own finances but in honesty I don't mind they don't cost that much to feed them a dinner or put an additional box of cereal on the food shop. He obviously pays his CMS through his own finances too. I don't notice the bills being anymore expensive too. Maybe electricity slightly but I personally wouldn't say to my partner he needs to pay more for the electric because of his children.

I’d say 50/50 on bills and 75/25 on good when kids are there 50/50 rest of time is fair.

But maybe you need to look at the ‘bills’ our utilities/ insurance / Wi-Fi/ tv etc comes to around £700 month. Then food for a family of four is around £800 . But you guys are pays £2k a month in plus odd £500 top ups? Seems high.

maybe say you feel like the two of you are hemorrhaging money and maybe you both need to budget better.

Also have you considered what happens if you split up? Do you have a plan?

Not a stepmom but I would query the amount you’re paying for bills.

A partner moved in with me into my mortgage-free 4 bed house. He paid 50% house insurance, council tax, water, gas electricity, BT, ADT security & British Gas homecare. We didn’t skimp on heating so the gas might’ve varied in the winter.
The max I ever charged him was £350.
Food bills were split as per receipt & even that was £50 max each per week.
Anything else I paid for as it was my house.
It enabled him to easily save for a house deposit & get on the housing ladder.

So query the amount spent on bills as you seem to be paying a stupid amount.
You could maybe pay slightly less on food when his children around but he’s definitely on to a good thing when he’s ‘splitting the bills’ with you.

I live with my partner and his 3 kids.

Kids with us 50/50 during term time and then with us most of the holidays.

We pay for bills/mortgage in proportion to our salaries- he pays more as he earns more.

Then on top- I pay for the big food shop that we get delivered every 2-3 weeks, whilst he pays for the top up shops in between and any takeaways. Partner then pays for all kid specific things like clothes, phones, treats, days out. We pay for our own cars and phones separately. Honestly though I don’t really keep track about if I’m paying for the kids or not when it comes to bills- it’s never occurred to me.

As others have pointed out though, your bills seem very high if it’s £2000 without rent/mortgage, unless you’re including food, cars, phones etc in this. Our good sized 4 bed is nowhere near that much for bills, excluding mortgage, it’s probably £800ish total for utilities, council tax, broadband, home insurance, Netflix etc.

We split 50/50 because we’re a family. If we didn’t see it that way we’d have split it differently. I don’t think there’s a right answer.

I don’t think you should have less money than you did when you had to pay rent/mortgage though? You should have broadly similar and either contribute an agreed amount instead of rent or be saving like mad to either buy the next place together or protect your financial future by purchasing another property,

‘Yeah, I know I’m saving £1000 a month on the market rent of a house, but I really don’t think I should be paying the 2p towards Ben leaving the light on overnight twice a month.’