I left a 20 year abusive marriage. Took a massive financial hit to get out. I started seeing a lovely man who I knew through work. I don't trust many men due to my ex-husbands behaviours.
He moved in Nov 22 a few months after my dad passed. Dec 22 my new husbands daughter (she was 14 at the time) got back in touch they had not been in contact for 15 months due to her mom preventing it. I had met her 2x previously. She started staying every other weekend. Told me I was the mom she always wanted etc. Her home life didn't sound great. In March 2023 things kicked off at home and she was at school scared to go home. School asked us to get her. She refused to go back to her mom's. Her mom applied to court to have her returned and to stop my husband seeing her. The court ruled in favour of her living with us. In that time span, I rearranged our house set up created her her own bedroom, decorated it with her, furnished it, clothed her. She literally turned up with one set of clothes on her back. I supported my husband financially to stay off work for months so he could support her emotionally/mentally. Most of my dad's money was used on supporting him.
We got married May 2024, his daughter said she was happy we were getting married, I have looked back at wedding photos she didn't smile on them. In Aug 24 she started playing up, taking my things, damaging items, paint on furniture/carpet etc. In Oct 24 she asked my husband to take her to her mom's to get some of her belongings. I didn't go but they wouldn't let her in and just gave her a box of books out of the garage. Since then her behaviours have gotten a lot worse.
I bought her a new phone, ordered a case screen was smashed in less than 24hours
She has damaged my expensive hair straighteners
Got paint on her carpet initially covered with rug I found it 2 weeks later
Got same paint on stairs carpet which is how I knew the bedroom carpet had been different.
Burnt a hole in her carpet with hair comb despite me the week before re-educating her not to let it touch the carpet, have bought her a heat resistant mat etc.
She cut clothes I bought her stating she was angry with her mom
Got paint/nail varnish etc on furniture (drawers/bed/bookcase etc)
Wrote on kalkax unit and bookcase then claims she thought there was paper there
Stole my cutlery and painted it with nail varnish
Cut the arm of my sons gaming chair
Takes things out of my desk - even educated her specific pens are mine due to health reasons
Put her own faecal stained underwear just under my sons bed by his pillow - repeatedly denies it yet she was only one left in house on her own during that time period.
Dismantled and threw one of my torches away
Purposely leaves wet urine knickers and sanitary towels in wash basket that I put hand in. When I didn't do washing and her dad put it on an ink pen exploded in my tumble dryer! Stained clothes abd marked the drum/rubber
Stabbed my brand new kitchen worktop with a knife broke the laminate because she is angry with her mom. She has recently done it another 4 times. 3 of them in front of the hob so I cant cover them with a chopping board or knife block as I've done previously. I'm still paying the kitchen off and now need to buy 3 new worktops!!
She has made a voodoo doll of me and stuck pins in it.
Theres more but I cant think of it all right now.
My husband previously took her phone off her due to Sending inappropriate photos/videos on Snapchat.
So back in Oct I was triggered by her to point I started having flashbacks to my exhusbands behaviours. I dream he is raping me (which he did) and my step daughter is just stood laughing. So mentally I have been a mess. My husband encouraged me to see GP for PTSD. Im still waiting counselling. I told my husband his daughter needed to change as I couldn't live like this. It carried on another 5 months each time the damage getting worse. My husband tells me she doesn't mean it, or she's severely damaged and got undiagnosed mental health issues and I should give her time.
My stepdaughter denies the damage or states she doesn't know why she has done it or if we push her enough she'll shout would you rather I self harm or I was angry at my mom. (She has had no contact with her mom since Jan 24 - that was my step daughters choosing.)
Social workers are now involved. But they and my husband are making out my reaction is the issue not her actions. I am at the point of saying my marriage is over. I can't live like this no more. I get palpitations being in the same room as her as she blatantly lies. She steals things from me when I'm not in the house. She damages things then denies it. I shouted when social worker was here the other day about the worktop initially she denied it then said well would you rather I self harm i said no but I dont want you damaging my property either.
She is sly when she takes things out of kitchen. We stopped her eating in room due to finding mouldy food under bed, empty wrappers shoved in drawers with clothes so now she sneaks the food ie crisps up and cuts the top off so we dont hear the rustling of the bag. She stuffs clothes, faecal stained underwear and used sanitary towels back in her drawers. Theres often a smell emanating from her room and I have reached a number of times walking past.
She only damages stuff I buy. Her dad rarely buys her clothes or other items but when he does they are well looked after.
I feel that she is abusing me
Financial implications - she knows she has caused over £2000 worth of damagd but continues.
Mental by lying and gaslighting me stealing my stuff then lying about it and me finding it in her room
Emotional it is causing me a lot of hurt and distress that I recently decorated kitchen and she has stabbed it. It hurts that her anger is directed at me. I was the one who took her in, sat up with her at 3am when she was crying.
Physically I have health issues my joints dislocate so I am often in pain and she knows this and I have dislocated cleaning up mess and repairing items she has damaged just for her to keep doing it. Stress causes pain flare ups and they have been aware that what she is doing has impacted me since Oct last year.
My husband argues she is damaged and trying, how I should give her more time. His comment about the knife stabs on the worktops are "they are not that noticeable" as if that makes it okay. He's not working so he contributes some money to bills/food but I spend more than he gives me each month on keeping them both and all the additional financial implications of replacing items, paying for holidays, birthdays, Christmas, clothing the kids all falls to me.
I am at the point of I'm done. I can't live with this abuse anymore I wake up in the morning scared to discover what she has damaged next out of anger for her mom. I get palpitations when I'm in the same room as her. My husband supports her and says I'm just making myself the victim by holding on to it all and I should just forget what she has done and move forward. But this is my house and my belongings she is damaging. The atmosphere is horrible in the house because I dont want to speak to her anymore. Silence is my way of protecting myself its how I got through my previous abuse. So now I have the blame for his other son not visiting because he doesn't like the negativity. So again my husband wants me to not be affected by what his daughter is doing to my property/belongings and put a smile on my face pretend all is okay so the atmosphere in the house is better.
Am I in the wrong?