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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Had enough!

113 replies

Sickofmess · 31/05/2025 08:22

Hi all
i recently read a thread re a lovely lady who had tolerated her partner and 2 stepkids living in her house who had no respect for her and her home, boundaries overstepped etc (from April 2025… I think) I am unable to comment on it but I wish I could …. I’ve read the whole thread and honestly I could have written it myself ! The only difference being this lady has a cat and I have a dog !
as her posts rang so true to the life I’m currently living I wonder if anyone has participated in the thread and wondering how she is doing now ?
my partner lives with me and we have his 2 kids eow . The days leading up to the visits are shocking for me , I’m full of anxiety and have palpitations etc . My partner is the typical Disney dad as you’ve all described . The kids are 9 and 7 and push me and my lovely home to the absolute limits . I can see this playing out as the other lady’s dis .. the minute I speak with my partner about the kids shitty behaviour and manners and disrespect . I get shot down . I’m at the end of my rope with it all. I do not care if they’re feral at their mothers or when they used to live with him but I won’t accept it . But this casts a lot of doubt as to whether I’m being unreasonable or I’m just expecting rules in MY home to be adhered to . I hope I’ve come to the right place for support 🙏🏻

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 31/05/2025 10:22

No man should ever move into your home unless you invite him Op, he took advantage and he'll never stop_ why would he, he pays next to nothing and expects you to do everything. Don't give him the chance to change, he won't, just tell him he's leaving. Change the locks as soon as he's gone.
He'll try and guilt trip you with his DC, don't fall for it, if he has nowhere to see them that's his own fault

Ohnobackagain · 31/05/2025 10:39

@Sickofmess it’s not his kids, it’s him and his standards. The fact he left his house messy and didn’t get the deposit back tells you all you need to know that that is how he would live.

It won’t work - sorry OP!

Madmother63 · 31/05/2025 10:44

My first LTB

Beamur · 31/05/2025 10:46

OP you hold ALL of the cards here.
Your easiest option frankly is just to bin this one off. You can see quite clearly he's a lazy parent and a partner who does not support you.
Do you see a future with him? It looks like a pretty miserable one.
If for some reason you think there is something worth keeping - then lay down some fucking rules! It's your house. Stop doing anything for these children - he should be shopping, cooking, cleaning and packing up their stuff and frankly being a tiny bit grateful you let him bring his kids over.
Or you could say you're fed up with battling with him over the kids so he can't bring them here anymore - he has to find somewhere else.
You really really don't have to put up with this.

treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas · 31/05/2025 10:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

PullTheBricksDown · 31/05/2025 10:54

How long have you been with him OP? Agree this arrangement is costing you a lot and giving you pretty much nothing in return. Tell him right now to put his phone down and tidy the place up. If he won't even respond to that then it's time to say you've had enough.

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 31/05/2025 11:01

This man is a parasite. He's openly using you for housing and cleaning up after his offspring.

Having a boyfriend is solely for enhancing your life, bringing peace, and making everything easier and fun.

Life is for enjoying. No need to argue with this leech, just tell him he is to get out of your property.

pinkdelight · 31/05/2025 11:05

So he treated his last place like pig, moved in with you, doesn't contribute, doesn't parent his kids, lets them treat your place like shit, shoots you down if you speak up... Why would you put up with him a moment longer? Pack his bag, boot him out and enjoy having your home back. And don't sleepwalk into homing a cocklodging disrepectful disney dad ever again.

pinkdelight · 31/05/2025 11:06

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

He's not her husband thank god and she doesn't need to do any of this, merely to get shut of him.

TheAutumnCrow · 31/05/2025 11:18

Sickofmess · 31/05/2025 09:27

I really do not know to be honest ! I don’t need him financially (as the financial contributions are few and far between!) so I really don’t know . I see that I get plenty of anxieties that’s for sure . That’s a very good question and I’m so glad you asked me that, thank you x

Show quote history

I think you need to turf him out, OP. He is exploiting you.

If you have to, put his stuff on the doorstep when he's out (and the kids are at their mum's, preferably) with a list of B&Bs pinned to the top. Lock your door from the inside, change the barrel asap, don't pick up the phone to him. Have a friend with you if possible.

Call the police if necessary if he kicks off. And then look at the Freedom Programme online.

Again, this man is exploiting you. I really feel for you Flowers

treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas · 31/05/2025 11:27

pinkdelight · 31/05/2025 11:06

He's not her husband thank god and she doesn't need to do any of this, merely to get shut of him.

Show quote history

Ok. It was only a suggestion. Have a nice day

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 31/05/2025 11:30

@treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas you were correct when you wrote simple things can make a difference.

Simply removing the leech of a boyfriend from her property will make her life blissful.

loveawineloveacrisp · 31/05/2025 11:30

Oh God they'd be gone from my house forever if they were behaving like this and he was doing nothing to parent them. The whole lot of them. Stepmums get criticised for all-sorts of things but no one has to put up with that shit.

treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas · 31/05/2025 11:32

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 31/05/2025 11:30

@treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas you were correct when you wrote simple things can make a difference.

Simply removing the leech of a boyfriend from her property will make her life blissful.

Agreed but if she’s not going to do that just thought I would give some actual solutions other than LTB

Rainbowpony6 · 31/05/2025 11:35

Kick him out
He's not even paying his share
They are walking all over you ,ruining your home and mental health
Seriously you do not gave to put up with this
End the relationship today ,your future self will thank you

Kaleidoscope101 · 31/05/2025 11:35

This man is a classic cocklodger.

There's a saying "no one falls in love quicker than a man who needs somewhere to live"

Whirlwind/Moved in quickly ✔️
Doesn't contribute financially/doesn't contribute regularly/doesn't contribute fairly ✔️
Doesn't do his share of household tasks ✔️
Doesn't parent his kids properly ✔️
Leaves you to tidy up after his kids ✔️
Makes you question if YOU are being unreasonable ✔️

Classic cocklodger.
Be good to yourself and get rid, you deserve better (Being on your own would be better than all of the above)

Loadsapandas · 31/05/2025 11:36

treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas · 31/05/2025 11:32

Agreed but if she’s not going to do that just thought I would give some actual solutions other than LTB

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You’ve read OP messages and still think she should try and rectify things?

Even though he’s contributing very little and it seems OP is the only one unhappy?

It’s an awful lot of work don’t you think?

No disrespect to you, but this just screams of yet more ‘woman work’.

treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas · 31/05/2025 11:41

Loadsapandas · 31/05/2025 11:36

You’ve read OP messages and still think she should try and rectify things?

Even though he’s contributing very little and it seems OP is the only one unhappy?

It’s an awful lot of work don’t you think?

No disrespect to you, but this just screams of yet more ‘woman work’.

Show quote history

No I don’t think she should rectify things fgs. I just offfered and alternative solution. Claws are out as usual on this forum.

pinkdelight · 31/05/2025 11:47

treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas · 31/05/2025 11:41

No I don’t think she should rectify things fgs. I just offfered and alternative solution. Claws are out as usual on this forum.

Edited
Show quote history

It's not about claws. It's more that the solution really cannot be on OP to provide mini bins, remove mirrors and have a special tablecloth so the kids are free to slop their shit around. The problem is that the guy and his kids treat her home like a pigsty, think that's fine, and get cross at her for speaking up about it. For her to stealth around making accommodations just sends the message that they're okay to do this and can carry on while things get magically fixed by OP. She's had enough and that's a moment of opportunity for her to end this now. Not to change her home so it caters even more to the people who are taking the piss.

ChocolateFairy25 · 31/05/2025 11:50

This is bizarre uncontrolled behaviour for a 7 and 9 year old! I was expecting you to say that they were 2 and 3 years old and even then I'd agree with you. My daughter is 5 and woukd never behave this way and wouldn't get away with it if she did.

The kids clearly have no boundaries and lazy parents, there's nothing you can do as you won't be supported by your partner. I'd leave the relationship as the kids aren't going anywhere and of they are behaving like this at this age, what on earth do you think they'll be like as teenagers?!

I also have a 15 Yr old who's amazing but when I see some kids his age I despair.

The parents need to be parenting, you can't do that unfortunately.

treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas · 31/05/2025 11:52

pinkdelight · 31/05/2025 11:47

It's not about claws. It's more that the solution really cannot be on OP to provide mini bins, remove mirrors and have a special tablecloth so the kids are free to slop their shit around. The problem is that the guy and his kids treat her home like a pigsty, think that's fine, and get cross at her for speaking up about it. For her to stealth around making accommodations just sends the message that they're okay to do this and can carry on while things get magically fixed by OP. She's had enough and that's a moment of opportunity for her to end this now. Not to change her home so it caters even more to the people who are taking the piss.

Edited
Show quote history

I said that it was for partner to get on board and sort it out and make the adjustments.
look whatever I offered an alternative. I’m allowed to do so. Let’s not continue derailing the thread

TheAmusedQuail · 31/05/2025 11:57

  1. The children have a home with their mother. So if you kick them all out, the kids will be fine.

  2. He is a user. Tell him to leave at a time when the children aren't there. They may be a nightmare, but you don't want to do this in front of them.

Pack his stuff up and have it ready for him to either take with him or drop off for him wherever he goes. Either get his key off him or change the locks (an expense, but worth it to make sure he can't get back in).

pinkdelight · 31/05/2025 12:00

treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas · 31/05/2025 11:52

I said that it was for partner to get on board and sort it out and make the adjustments.
look whatever I offered an alternative. I’m allowed to do so. Let’s not continue derailing the thread

Edited
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Sorry you're feeling got at, it's honestly not about getting at you, just assuring OP that this is a clearcut LTB case befitting a cocklodger, not a salvageable situation like it it might have to be if he was a DH (as you'd said, not partner). Also it's not derailing as in going off on a tangent, it's core to the issue of the thread. But I'll leave it now and hope OP gets her home back and some peace.

DogSaidWoof · 31/05/2025 12:00

Time to find your boundaries and self respect OP.
You are being used, I’m sorry.
Keep dating this man if he’s worth it but get him and his kids out of your lovely home

treesareforlifenotjustforchristmas · 31/05/2025 12:04

pinkdelight · 31/05/2025 12:00

Sorry you're feeling got at, it's honestly not about getting at you, just assuring OP that this is a clearcut LTB case befitting a cocklodger, not a salvageable situation like it it might have to be if he was a DH (as you'd said, not partner). Also it's not derailing as in going off on a tangent, it's core to the issue of the thread. But I'll leave it now and hope OP gets her home back and some peace.

Show quote history

it nitpicky because I said DH not partner 😂 I think that says it all really

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