End of maintenance - what to do?

[Donewithitt]

DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop. Which are around 1.5k per month (not including school fees)
We are pretty sure DSS's mum will KO about it, is there anyway to mitigate this?
DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.
Currently we can afford to continue the payments and plan on diverting the money, minus the school fees into savings for DSS so he'll leave uni with a lump of 50k - which he can access for a house deposit.
Has anyone done anything similar?

Hmm…you’ve completely quoted me out of context there you know?

I was replying to a pp who said that SS’s dad was providing ‘everything he needed for uni’ and that his mum only needed to cover 50% of the holidays. I merely pointed out that, if SS doesn’t live at home for uni as seems to be the current plan, that is not an accurate reflection of the situation for either parent.

At no point did I suggest dad should pay for everything. In fact I don’t think he should.

I quoted the most relevant part of pp’s post in my reply to her to make my meaning very clear, but you cut that out above for some reason.

You really need to check you’re reading and understanding people properly before you take umbrage at what they say.

Did you even read the OP?

Do people actually read the whole OP of just start salivating and leap into write?

I think people didn't realise you were still covering all those things. I assumed you would be because you said you would save the £1500 into a savings plan and I couldn't see you doing that whilst meanwhile watching him struggle but many people appear not to think very laterally and desperately want to assume the worst. Why? I have no idea.

OP is surest paying uni fees and allowance meaning mum doesn't have to. I'm pretty sure mum can cover some stuff.

She has no further expenses relating to DSS once he goes to university beyond him stay with her for 50% of the holidays, and the other half with his father.

How do you work that out?
Uni is very expensive even excluding fees when you’re living away from home. Maybe she’ll want to help him out with the costs? I think most parents do if they can.
https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2024/05/martin-lewis-student-living-loans-campaign/

Shame. She makes some excellent points.

She won’t have any costs that his father will need to contribute to though. He’s already doing that, and as holidays are spent 50/50 with each parent the costs there cancel each other out. A poster upthread made a very good point about the CMS no longer being provided to the ex directly. If she will struggle without it, it indicates she’s been misspending it. Her own living circumstances are not her ex’s responsibility.

Again, I didn’t say her ex should be subsidising her.
But to say that her only costs regarding her 18 year old DS are covering 50% of his holiday time isn’t very realistic. That’s my point.
I mean, I wish! I have 3 teens 😅

How do you work that out?
Uni is very expensive even excluding fees when you’re living away from home. Maybe she’ll want to help him out with the costs? I think most parents do if they can.

And that's up to her @Cheerioshesaid if she wants to. It's not on the father to hand her money to support her adult son.

Dad is paying fees, £500 per month allowance, car and petrol.

Surely the mum can cover something. If she wants more money from dad to pay for more uni stuff then basically it's just dad paying

I NEVER SAID HE SHOULD!!!

Seriously, getting tired of this 😅

I pointed out that the mother has more expense that people say. People are trying to downplay her contribution.

That is all I said.

I think parents should split costs.

I do not think dad should pay for everything.

Okay, I officially give up.

Stop skimming, people.

Why on earth would you say that ? OP has said next to nothing about her circumstance or contribution.

Loads of assumptions on here ! And not a single poster able to suggest what support they get for their adult children!

The fact she needed so much money from her ex for years despite childcare being 50/50 plus the suggestion she will kick off when she loses it suggests she's been a deadbeat for a long time.

Read the thread, FFS!

I presume that is because the answer would be "nothing"! Any support at that point goes to the adult child directly, as you are intending.

So useful adding bitchy comments to threads; hope it makes you feel better

I have the same question.

I guarantee you, they have !!

How many years? It’s not mentioned in any of OP’s posts at all. It could be many years, or it also could be that the parents only split up a couple of years ago.

There's been a hugely ill-informed pile-on in this thread. Not helped I must say by the fact that you're not in the UK so we can't tell what your legal obligations are.

Provided you are complying with the father's legal obligations the support you propose post-18 seems very much on the generous side. In the UK the child would come to their own arrangement with the parents after they finish secondary education, and it seems like that is what has happened here.

@BestLife82 Depends on the circumstances, what the terms of the separation were, whether she was able to work etc. The 50/50 split sounds like a recent thing as he is older and can decide for himself. OP says ‘He stays between ours and his mum's at the min’. And something very few posters have considered is that OP is in Australia. If 1.5k refers to Australian dollars, that’s equivalent to approximately £760 sterling. So really not excessive, at all, and definitely not suggestive of a deadbeat mum. Without fuller background details that’s a really unfair assumption.