End of maintenance - what to do?

[Donewithitt]

DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop. Which are around 1.5k per month (not including school fees)
We are pretty sure DSS's mum will KO about it, is there anyway to mitigate this?
DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.
Currently we can afford to continue the payments and plan on diverting the money, minus the school fees into savings for DSS so he'll leave uni with a lump of 50k - which he can access for a house deposit.
Has anyone done anything similar?

This is why the op’s original question was should they write and remind her the maintenance will stop in 10 months time.

Is his mother also giving him some money

OTOH, you could argue that both parents are in a similar situation - we don't know if the mum has a job or not, has a partner or not.

We do know that the son lives in both homes, has shared care and that both have the cost of raising a son, supporting him at Uni and providing somewhere for him to stay when he is at home from Uni.

Apart from a car, holidays, uni fees paid, £500 a month ongoing allowance, and £50k house deposit. Yeah, basically abandoned in the gutter!

You seriously think your ex should be giving you money for your adult dc? I presume your rent is the same whether they are there or not?

I’ve only read to this point in the thread so forgive me if you’ve given further info: are you legally obligated in the country you’re in to maintain the mum too?

Personally I think you’re being incredibly supportive, over and above the ‘normal’ amount. And Stepson is to be working as well?

• you’re teaching and encouraging some self sufficiency by not giving him 1500 a month.

I think you’re doing the right hing. As PPs have said the mum should have been aware of this moment approaching for some time and if she’s not working then she’s had time to prepare. If she hasn’t put any plans in place then that’s not your problem.

It costs money for them to be at uni - I’m not talking about MY rent!

If the OP’s dh is contributing half towards his child’s uni costs then fair enough. Dh and I pay about £700 pcm for each dcs rent and give them £600pm spending money.

University is very expensive.

Millions of kids aren’t supported post-18… OP’s stepson will be more than supported by the sounds of it, very lucky kid!

Your H should pay towards the upkeep at his son's mother's until he leaves home for good, if, like most mothers, she took a financial hit when she had her child and is in need of the money to help keep a roof over his head. Ideally your H will pay beyond that, if she needs it to maintain his childhood home so he always has the option of returning home, as would be the case if your H and she were together still.

If you don't like that, you shouldn't have got with a man who already had kids.

@Donewithitt you and your DH are being completely fair here - and I say this as the CM receiving mother in this scenario!

My CM stops the Sept after my DC turn 18 and I both know that and have planned accordingly. 2 of my 3 kids are now over 18.

Still paying him an allowance and covering uni fees and some car costs seems very fair. The poster imagine said you’d left him high & dry is nuts.

Yes he may need some living cost support at uni as well as having a PT job - that’s fine. But a lump sum after he leaves would be a lovely gesture.

I think this is very fair. Our DD (parents still married to each other) receives sn allowance to top up her uni loan (the loan doesn’t fully cover her rent, and of course she has to eat etc), has no car, and will definitely not receive a house deposit. I think you are being very generous to your DSS and I’m a little astonished at the posters who think this is mean. It sounds like you’ve thought through what would help him most in the future and are acting accordingly.

The rent will be the same whether they are there or not, but I'd assume if they are not there, ever, she could downsize to a studio. As it is, most mothers want to be able to offer our children a safety net should they need to come home, so hope to maintain a home for our children beyond 18.

Does he maintain this arrangement until the boy is 25/30/40?

Maybe her could go and live with his dad, saving mom the expense of housing him indefinitely?

Isn't that also true for the Dad as well?

Single mum here too and never got a penny maintenance!
Not complaining, just a statement of fact

Have you read any of the posts? Ridiculous

Jesus Christ OP please ignore all the raging lunatics on here saying anything negative, this is FAR more than I could've dreamed of ever getting myself when I turned 18! This is above and beyond what any 18 year old should expect, I'd be so interested to hear if others' contributions towards their 18 year old's finances even come close to this, I doubt it!!

If he's well set up with two incomes (new wife and. his own), and the son is happy to stay there, yes. But statistically, it is women who struggle financially when there is a split, and we also bear the brunt of the childcare and mental load, even if the fathers have them 50%. I know several mothers who are struggling financially whilst the fathers are not - in great part because they were the ones to take a career break and have never caught up again, in part because they do more than 50% of the school-week childcare and can't do full-time hours for a few more years. Meanwhile, the dads have maintained their careers, can work late when they need to as they aren't doing the school pickups, often get a new woman in to share the bills and do wifework and childcare, whereas of the single mums I know, the vast majority do not bring a male into their home so they bear all the bills aside from what they get in CM, and are limited in their working hours and location of work (needing to be close enough to school to get back should the child be ill/injured - separated men, in general, don't have these considerations).

Assuming you must be a troll and not that much of an idiot

I’m not sure if people are actually reading the OP’s subsequent posts. The first post sounded a little questionable at first but on a second reading it was clear they weren’t just randomly cutting off at 18. He is a lucky young man financially and will have far more support than many do.

Why is it obvious? OP stated child turns 18 this year and there would be 10 months notice. That didn’t say 10 months notice of the 18th birthday or 10 months notice to the end of the academic year. Further posts say that they are almost the same. November birthday, December end of year. But not obvious.

The money is for your child, so presuming no legal requirements around the end date, I'd simply decide an appropriate life stage (e.g. leaving for uni) and switch to supporting your child directly having discussed with them what this will look like.

My dad paid child support to my mum until I finished sixth form (alongside a small allowance he gave me directly). During my gap year I continued to live at home while working full time, so dad paid me directly a contribution towards the rent I was paying mum (so he was indirectly paying mum for my costs). Once I left for uni, dad continued to support me directy and I used this money towards my uni rent.

Yes I agree. First post is a little confusing, but the child will have plenty of support. Far more than most or what is even expected.

Actually a HNC at college is higher education and you can get a student loan for it. It’s equivalent to first year at uni. My DS2 did this. His dad paid maintenance until July when he had finished his BTEC at nearly 19, which is equivalent to A levels before he went on to do a HNC then a HND.

In the UK, the student loans are based on the resident parent’s household. Ie that parent and their partner, not the non-resident parent at all. So my ex never paid anything to any of his DC through university or higher level college. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sounds like the OP’s partner is being more generous than that if her DSS will leave school before he turns 18. But if he’s still at school/college I think they should still support him at his mum’s via maintenance to her until he leaves to go to uni, not on his 18th birthday if that’s beforehand.

Have you read any of ops updates?? The boy is far from high and dry and will be very well financially supported directly