End of maintenance - what to do?

[Donewithitt]

DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop. Which are around 1.5k per month (not including school fees)
We are pretty sure DSS's mum will KO about it, is there anyway to mitigate this?
DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.
Currently we can afford to continue the payments and plan on diverting the money, minus the school fees into savings for DSS so he'll leave uni with a lump of 50k - which he can access for a house deposit.
Has anyone done anything similar?

Doesn’t sound likely as that’s the summer holiday in Australia. I think the uni there starts sometime mid to late Feb?

In fairness the OP is in Australia and it’s unlikely he’s converted everything to £ for us, 1500k over there is still a lot here but not close to £1500. And school fees in Australia are a lot more common as their state schools are different to ours.

The rules aren't about fair parenting. I suppose I could cut off my oldest given that she's 18 and let her fend for herself, but I'm not going to. Are you?

DSS's DM should be aware that maintenance is not going to go on forever so should already be thinking about how to manager finances once it stops. I think paying as currently until DSS finishes school and either goes to uni or gets a job is preferable to when he turns 18. At that point if housing is going to be an issue for DSS's DM then downsizing is possible without a negative impact on DSS -if he goes to uni and spends some holidays with DM then making do is still fine. If he opts not to go to uni and works full time then he can contribute to housing costs if he still wants to be able to live with DM.

If you/DF will be covering all uni costs that's already a massive benefit to DSS's DM who won't have to think about covering any of those costs. Just like in the UK when people stop receiving the likes of child benefit/any other benefits for a child the general idea is that they become a working member of the household and contribute accordingly if they want to remain living there otherwise they move out and the parents can make adjustments to their financial set up accordingly. The student loan system in the UK still has a fairly high max maintenance loan for those from lower income households for students living at home, presumably on the basis that they pay some sort of board just as they would be expected to if working rather than at uni.

So in your view @cakeorwine when do you think the legal child support should stop - for anyone not just this thread.

Single mum here, one dad berated me for letting son do an extra year at college (he needed an additional A level for uni) Dad didn’t want to pay. It was a minimal amount!
Other Dad stopped the minute he could and we had 2 kids at Uni, no thought to how to support them during holidays or needing deposits for accommodation, broken laptops etc.
Kids seem only to be for life if your a Mum?

I think they mean when maintenance goes to the parent rather than allowance that goes to the child.

If the care arrangement is 50/50, why are you paying maintenance at all?

Single mum here too and that’s awful. If my ex didn’t support our sons while at uni they probably couldn't have gone. His financial support though is directly to our sons, I don’t get a penny. Yes it can be hard and I’d love some extra cash for when they're home but legally I have to accept it.

Legal is a different matter.

As someone said, it's about a moral / ethical view.

The ex will still have to provide a house for the son - because he will be coming home from Uni during holiday time.

By providing a house, there will be costs with that, such as insurance, energy bills, mortgage etc - which will go down but won't halve.

The ex could sell the house and downsize if she can't afford the cost of providing a house that her DS can live in when he comes home.

She could find a way to increase her own income.

She could charge her DS rent when he is at home from Uni.

It's also complicated by the question of - is she supporting her DS at Uni as well?

When your DC goes to uni, your own housing costs will go down a bit but not significantly. In the UK , you are also expected to provide additional support to your DC at Uni as a parental contribution, if they don't get a full maintenance grant.

Why shouldn't they pay maintenance?

She isn't in the UK.

Downsizing. That old chestnut. House moves cost serious money in repairs and decoration to get it sold, legal fees, stamp duty, moving costs, anything that needs sorting in the new house. It's all upfront costs, and depending where you live and how long you've lived in the current house, downsizing can be a moot point as housing costs keep increasing.

It's really not that simple. I looked at downsizing. I worked out it would take a minimum of 10 years to see any actual savings in my monthly budget.

Can you read?

The OP talks about 10 months notice - so obviously not going to happen before he leaves school / starts uni.

Maybe I'm reading this wrongly but as dar as I can see OP has set out that they continue to pay an allowance directly to DSS, assist running a car, and support tuition fees and save for a lump sum.

The only thing they switch off is the payment to mum.

Sounds fair to me?!

Why is the Dad seen as generous to support his own son. 🤷‍♀️

How often did generous Dad see his young son as a boy after he left his wife and son to deal with it?

It seems they have had shared care and DS spends time at his Dads.

Sounds good to me. The mum has had many years to prepare for this.

It says he splits his time between both homes

So sorry- wrong thread. I've reported my post.

Just because something’s legal doesn’t make it morally right.

My dcs are home from uni for about 20 weeks of the year. They have part time bar jobs that just about cover their going out money - dh and I pay their rent and food money.

If I was a single mum I’d be mightily angry if dh suddenly cut off all financial obligations.

Firstly, make sure you are correct. Then pay half the maintenance payment to DSS directly and tell them that it is then up to them and their mother to sort out what happens with it. He should be paying his mum towards his upkeep with it. When/if he goes to uni give them that much a week to help them with living costs?

Ok 👌 thanks I should have read the thread sorry
Then the concern is because he knows that his son and ex wife are in a living situation that would be difficult after ceasing these payments now son has got to age 18? Would she possibly expect this to happen now or not have realised?

According to the op 50% of the time.