End of maintenance - what to do?

[Donewithitt]

DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop. Which are around 1.5k per month (not including school fees)
We are pretty sure DSS's mum will KO about it, is there anyway to mitigate this?
DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.
Currently we can afford to continue the payments and plan on diverting the money, minus the school fees into savings for DSS so he'll leave uni with a lump of 50k - which he can access for a house deposit.
Has anyone done anything similar?

And she is also not in the UK. They are in Australia. He turns 18 in November and graduates 6th form (or whatever they call it?) in December and then off to uni in January.

I missed it !!

ttcat37 · Today 09:03
At least he’s old enough to understand that his father left him high and dry at 18.

It all seems perfectly reasonable.

you will have gotten people’s backs up here by talking as if you are the parent when I assume it’s your husband and therefore his decision on how to support his child.

You were not in a thruple with this woman (I anssume😊) and the boy doesn’t have three legal or biological parents so these decisions need to made between those two people.

that being said, your husbands plan for how he will support his adult child seem reasonable

And the person who said that the father was leaving their child in poverty!

Yes that sounds fine. He’s a lucky boy.

It’s worth checking what the guidelines say in the country you live in. I remember my stepmum ringing up my mum all angry after I was 18, to ask why their contribution of £5 per week was not ending… well it continued until I was 19 because I was at uni 🤣🤣

I think keep supporting the step son, as most decent parents try to do to the best of their financial ability right into adulthood - it’s hard for youngsters these days!

But you responsibility towards his mum has got to stop sometime, and now is as good as time as any.

But you don’t sound like you’re acting that way; as long as you follow the government guidelines just be factual about it.

He has a job and will continue to work through uni. OP/DH will divert CMS payments to a personal allowance for him of £500 monthly and the rest will pay his uni fees. They have bought him a car and provide a fuel card for £50 per month plus insurance paid, 50/50 home split between his mum and OP/DH, one overseas holiday per year - friend optional. And £50k towards a house on graduation. If that’s your idea of poverty you need a reality check.

post edited as I didnt read all the updates.
and comment became totally irrelevant

Again, it’s helpful to read all OPs posts before doing a lengthy reply so you don’t waste your time

As I said, I've been reading a book about biases, projecting, thinking fast and slow..

The thread has moved on… read the updates. He’s in Australia. Turns 18 and graduates a month later.

If, as you say, you will be paying all of this plus his uni fees are all paid, and you will give him £50,000 as a house deposit at the end if uni, I have no idea why you are getting a hard time on here.

Most parents of 18 year olds who live with them 50% of the time once they leaves school won't be paying them this.

yup Ive just realised this!

yes, just realised this

and have actually done a full 180 on this.

And if OP’s income is included in that support ? Why are you chastising OP when she’s simply presenting the facts ?

TBH I’m usually pretty harsh on step parents, having been a product of step parenting myself, but I think you’re being fair OP. I initially read he was being cut off with nothing when he turns 18, but that’s not the case.

In your circumstances completely reasonable to stop paying.

CM is for the kids, not the mother to live off of.

I think you're in a country where the school year is Jan to Dec rather than Sep to July. This is the crucial bit of information that was missing from the original post. If he only turn 18 at the very end of the school year and lives 50/50 at each house then I think it's fine to write to the mum and remind her about the arrangements and how you are planning to support DS post 18.
You're certainly doing far more for him financially than I ever got from my parents!

Seriously

The OP & DH are

• paying Uni fees
• giving an allowance of £500 a month until he leaves uni
• paid for a car + £50 per month for petrol
• paying for an annual holiday including taking a friend/gf
• saving £1,500 per month

and you think that is leaving DSS “high and dry”

Just wondering how you initially read that based on the OP?

Yes I see that now! Might have been useful for the OP to put that at the start of the thread.

IGNORE this. Have now seen the drip feed.

This is really tight.

He's clearly got the income to carry on supporting his DC, so why on earth would you do this at 18?

Unless he goes straight into a job, the ex will still need support to house etc.

My ex BIL is the tightest man alive and even he worked out that he needed to help support his ex after 18 as their DS wasn't working.