End of maintenance - what to do?

[Donewithitt]

DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop. Which are around 1.5k per month (not including school fees)
We are pretty sure DSS's mum will KO about it, is there anyway to mitigate this?
DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.
Currently we can afford to continue the payments and plan on diverting the money, minus the school fees into savings for DSS so he'll leave uni with a lump of 50k - which he can access for a house deposit.
Has anyone done anything similar?

Sorry adding photo

I didn't say it was a divorce settlement.
I said:
"How do you know they didn't come to a settlement of some kind?
Or are you projecting?"

Neither you or I know about a settlement.

They’re not in the uk

There's a few

"You're not so smart" by David McRaney
"Thinking fast and slow" by Daniel Kahneman

it would not have been a “settlement”

it would have been an agreement between the two with no legal consequence if not adhered with

I think you are and have been more than generous. I think a lot of posters are deliberately misunderstanding what you are saying.
Your DSS is very fortunate to have his fees, car and holidays paid for. Most students woukd be overjoyed.
As far as the ex is concerned you are right to now stop maintenence payments to her. I'm sure she will be cross but stand your ground. As long as your DSS understands, there is no problem.

“projecting” 🤭

always makes me chuckle

People on this thread are bizarre.

Your plan is fine OP.

This is because the original post was full on missing information. When were the payments stopping, the day he turned 18 or the end of the academic year he turned 18? Which house does he live in? Yes, the child is getting a hefty package throughout and after uni, but would the mum be left paying for those few months before uni?

Onlt from subsequent posts have we found that he doesn’t live in the UK - Australia. He turns 18 in November, is on holiday in December and will live at his mums house for 2 weeks before he starts uni in January. He lives 50-50 between houses anyway.

None of that information was in the OP and it posed those questions which drove people crazy.

This is not due to people reading too quickly or making assumptions, it’s due to ambiguous postings.

Use the term "official agreement" instead to save yourself the trouble of explaining over n over.

@Donewithitt , I currently receive CM for an almost 16yo and I think you're husband is being absolutely fair.

Mom knows her son will be 18 and has hopefully clued herself up on how CM works, so with her knowledge and 10 months notice, she has enough time to plan.

You're also supporting your stepson through his studies and setting him up post-graduation.
You're funding his uni tuition as well, which means he won't leave with a massive student debt. There's also a huge amount of indirect support for his mom, as she doesn't have to support tuition costs and will only need to provide minimal financial support given his allowance and extras.

No. You are right. But it wasn’t a divorce settlement. I am agreeing with you! PP said there would have been a divorce settlement - I said as they weren’t divorced there would NOT have been a divorce settlement which pretty much has to happen if they had been married. As they had not been married there may have been a settlement but OP has not disclosed. My point was it’s not a definite there was a settlement. Because they weren’t married. Therefore no divorce. Therefore no divorce settlement.

what the hell is an “official agreement”?!

You don't think people filled in gaps and made assumptions?

"None of that information was in the OP and it posed those questions which drove people crazy."

Maybe - and this is in the book, people should then ask questions rather than jumping to conclusions based on their own experiences.

My ex did this . Meant his step dad and I supported him 100% through university etc. it was very hard on us but my DH is a good man and didn’t complain once
Now DS is in his mid twenties . We are still the ones helping him emotionally and financially ( loans which he pays back 100%)
DS tells me that he’s very aware of the sacrifices that we made for him and is very appreciative. He also has a good relationship with his DF but again knows he did the minimum he had to
I would suggest you ask DSS mum exactly how much it’s going to cost her if DSS goes to University and contribute towards that and then if you want to divert the rest into an account that’s up to you
Just because he’s 18 doesn’t mean he is financially independent. Inevitably parents will pick up the slack - why should that burden be 100% on his DM ?

A settlement.

They are planning to support the SS directly. They payments to his mother will stop.

It won’t be though will it, because the dad is paying all the things he’s paying while DSS is in uni.

'You're doing everything right & it's great to see a young person with so much support as they navigate the awkward uni years. Of course you don't need to support his mum anymore. He won't even be there'

This!

Your dh is being very generous with the ongoing financial support for his son.

What would her costs be if her son went to Uni?

How would you work them out?
Her son would need support at uni - which it sounds like the OP is providing, so what would her costs be if her son went to Uni - and how would you work them out?

Would she support her son at Uni? Or not?

what uni fees paid ,monthly allowance,car bought and running cost part funded ,holiday a year and spends1/2 uni holidays at dads house free don’t see that as poverty
also where the mum in all this what’s her contribution to her child

Haven't you see all the support his df and StepMum will give him through uni? It's all there in the op's posts.

That seems an awful lot of money per month to suddenly just stop. If he's at Uni I'm sure it's until his 19th birthday?

Yes true. When it said that the payments stop, I didn’t see a post asking for clarification of ‘when’ the payments would stop. That was the main issue and yes, people did make assumptions. Clear communication all round is needed and no assumptions.

Like ex wife going out and getting a job?